We are back together...for now. An update on my situation

[Lovingme35]

I wanted to give an update on my situation. I am still in shock as everything has transpired so quickly since my last post.

If you remember, my ex wanted to come over and see my new place. This was after two months of us being broken up, a couple of weeks of no contact and him moving on to a replacement. I ended up letting him come over and he showed up with food to make dinner and a large Christmas present. We ended up having a great night and he left the next day. Yesterday we went out and saw a movie and had another great night together. He held me all night and today he is stopping by to see where my new job is. I think it's way too soon to discuss our status at the moment. I just want to keep everything light and happy. He did say he is not going to be seeing the replacement any more.

As happy and excited I am, that does come with a LOT of worry. His place is a disaster. It's clear that he is depressed and dysregulated. I don't know what his motives are. I am going to take things slow, focus on myself and keep dating other people until we come to a clear agreement. He is idolizing me at the moment, laughing at everything I say, looking at me like I am an angel and letting me cross every boundary he had placed right before we broke up. Such as letting me spend the night at his place. It feels good, but I am guarded. I know things could flip at any moment. One of my other boundaries was New Years Eve. For now, we are spending that together. I am trying to prepare myself if things change. It will be an emotional day.

Thanks for all of the advice I got. Things are looking better!

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Joem678]

Nice to hear your story.  Just be strong and manage the situation.  Don't give him the control by losing yourself again.  Hopefully, you can make it work.  Hugs!

[ProKonig]

Maybe now is the perfect time to raise these issues with him. I can relate to feeling scared to raise your concerns with him when you were in the relationship, fear of dysregulation is high. Not you are separated and he clearly can't take it, maybe you should discuss the things you are concerned about and set your boundaries again. If you get sucked in by the 'idolisation' phase again it'll just start all over.

If his apartment is a disaster and he wants you to come back to pick up the pieces that isn't a great start. Maybe you should be clear and make him show you he can manage things himself. If I had to guess, I would suggest that when you raise your concerns with him he'll instantly become dysregulated because he'll feel while he is showing his 'idolisation' abilities he is playing super-good-guy and will think you are questioning him. If he reacts like that to you raising legitimate concerns about getting back together and what it will require, it'll make your choice clearer. Walking on eggshells and then getting back together is probably just asking for a repeat scenario.