NC and his disturbing

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hello to everyone here!

I have to admit it is so nice to have you here on this forum, to read all of your stories and experiences with ex BPD partner's. I'm sorry to say that, but I am the one of you, my BPDex boyfriend had this dissorder.

Our relationship was full of up's and down's, leaving and coming back, ignorance, manipulations, abussive partnership, phissical abusse, cheating, full of lies, idealizations, discharging, he said so many bad words to me, I don't think I will ever forget!

So we broke up 7 weeks ago, I broke up all contact's, except e-mail. He came to my house that day I left, I found out he is cheating on me for some time with an old female friend. He left letter on my car, wrote the same letter to my e-mail adresss, wrote on my FB, wrote to my father, to my brother, to my friend... .all he knew. He didn't quit. He tried to contact me for a whole week, I didn't respond to any of he's e-mail or anything.

He blocked me on FB, then wrote me an apology of everything he did and say to me, and said I was the best girl in his life. He won't forget me for the whole life, that he loves me still, but he would like to be happy with his new girlfriend, this one he cheated on me.

You can imagine, how it was to read that letter, I crushed down, cried for few day's. I was in really bad stage those days. So I don't know why I said, but I wrote him back, I just felt I forgive him for everything, and wish him luck. That day I thought so, today I don't, because I know now, that is just the way he manipulates with me, this letter he wrote. So I asked him to stay in NC.

He said he will try to do his best, I wished him luck in life, and said goodbye. So till 24. of December, he unblocked me on FB. I saw that, I can't help to look at FB, and yesterday I blocked him, because I couldn't stand it to see his face, his smile, think that he see's me on social media bothers me. And I just don't won't him in my life anymore!

So yesterday I blocked him on FB, today he called me as an unkown person, and I know it was him, checking my voice.

I don't know how to handle with that? I just have good day's, then come's bad day as it was yesterday and today, I still cry a lot. I just have to remember all the bad thing's he's done to me,... .

[donotunderstand]

Hello to everyone here!

I have to admit it is so nice to have you here on this forum, to read all of your stories and experiences with ex BPD partner's. I'm sorry to say that, but I am the one of you, my BPDex boyfriend had this dissorder.

Our relationship was full of up's and down's, leaving and coming back, ignorance, manipulations, abussive partnership, phissical abusse, cheating, full of lies, idealizations, discharging, he said so many bad words to me, I don't think I will ever forget!

So we broke up 7 weeks ago, I broke up all contact's, except e-mail. He came to my house that day I left, I found out he is cheating on me for some time with an old female friend. He left letter on my car, wrote the same letter to my e-mail adresss, wrote on my FB, wrote to my father, to my brother, to my friend... .all he knew. He didn't quit. He tried to contact me for a whole week, I didn't respond to any of he's e-mail or anything.

He blocked me on FB, then wrote me an apology of everything he did and say to me, and said I was the best girl in his life. He won't forget me for the whole life, that he loves me still, but he would like to be happy with his new girlfriend, this one he cheated on me.

You can imagine, how it was to read that letter, I crushed down, cried for few day's. I was in really bad stage those days. So I don't know why I said, but I wrote him back, I just felt I forgive him for everything, and wish him luck. That day I thought so, today I don't, because I know now, that is just the way he manipulates with me, this letter he wrote. So I asked him to stay in NC.

He said he will try to do his best, I wished him luck in life, and said goodbye. So till 24. of December, he unblocked me on FB. I saw that, I can't help to look at FB, and yesterday I blocked him, because I couldn't stand it to see his face, his smile, think that he see's me on social media bothers me. And I just don't won't him in my life anymore!

So yesterday I blocked him on FB, today he called me as an unkown person, and I know it was him, checking my voice.

I don't know how to handle with that? I just have good day's, then come's bad day as it was yesterday and today, I still cry a lot. I just have to remember all the bad thing's he's done to me,... .

[troisette]

 

It is hard and you have my sympathy. I found total NC, including blocking on FB, the best way to cope. It does get better in time, week by week. I found any contact was like ripping the stitches out of a wound. My wound is gradually healing, three and a half months NC now. Little by little... .

Good luck and if you read some of the other threads, you'll see posts from people who have recovered, who are away and free. So take heart!

[Itstopsnow]

Stay no contact! You'll get to the other side doing that! He is not looking out for your best interest! They manipulate and want to be able to have you as a back up or at his disposal whenever he needs you. You don't need to leave on a high note! He cheated on you! Abused you and lied and violated you in the worse ways possible. He was suppose to be the closest one to you. I understand because I was in your place. Don't make it easier so his conscience can be eased at the end of the day. These people are sick and selfish and they can never give anyone a normal relationship. Even their friendships if they have them because a lot of them don't have friends besides family. But even when they do... .They are one sided . Suiting their needs only. Keep in mind all the ways he lied, used, and cheated on you. Take it one day at a time, and remind yourself these are his serious issues not yours. You are free now! Before you were at the mercy of his ways! I don't know about yours but mine gambled a lot, saved no money, was living home, and always looking to go on vacations . Give me a break my ex will never change. And likely yours won't either without significant therapy . I know it sucks but it wasn't a good relationship to begin with. I realize now I'll always have this horrible relationship in my past. Where basically I was just in an abusive relationship . But that doesn't have to define us, we can move on and have better experiences . They will repeat the same

[donotunderstand]

Thank you both! You are so nice people, I hardly believe now how could I stayed for almost 2 years in this chaotic relationship. He would humiliate me in the beginning of our relationship, say to me some ugly thinks, and then idealised me as a warm person, he never had, always compared me with his ex girlfriend, untill I said I don't won't to hear any word of her. I think he cheated on me with several girls, including this ex, because he would stalke her on FB, and named me twice with her name, and he couldn't stand, she is happy now with her new boyfriend. He couldn't believe how can I have such a great relationship with my ex boyfriend (father of my child), he would hate all of his ex's. He also had intimate issues, would watch porn movies almost every day.

He was so weird guy, and I'm so dissapointed of me, how could I believe him he would like children with me, life with me, how could I believed all of those his lies?

He had big financial issues, problems, every month could barely live with his salary. He would spent all money he hay and even more, on his kredit cards, he had 3 of them, debt, 2 credits and blamed me, he can not live proparly, because I didn't feel like to move to him with my child from my ex relationship. At the end my child was to much for him, he didn't wont him, he would go to other room, to chat with his girlfriend I suspect. He did also twice my son push to the door, to move quickly, and then also my son said to me: Mum, why did you picked up such a guy, he is? And you have no idea how it hurt me, to hear that from my little son. Then I know, I have to let go, I have to leave him, to leave this messy life, and go for a happy life in the future. Allthrought, I don't know if I can trust anyone in my life anymore. I gave him my heart, my love, but I won't give him my life anymore!

Thank you for all your support! I feel better now, alltrought I cried when I read those posts of you both.

[Itstopsnow]

Stay strong girl! We've all been there! There really is nothing redeemable from any of these types of relationships other than the fact we learn to love ourselves better! Learn to want more from life and a partner, we learn that we are stronger and more compassion than most people. And we learn to let go! A very hard concept in life.

[troisette]

As  time passes with no contact you will begin to see things more clearly. This is one of the reasons total NC is so important. If you do have contact it will skew your thinking.

Please don't be disappointed in yourself. We've all experienced terrible things; we all got involved with BPDs - we didn't see it coming. You are not alone.

Concentrate on you, not him. Read the articles on this site - they will give you indicators as to why you got involved with him and  help you to avoid such people in the future. We were all vulnerable to them,  we can get stronger and avoid such craziness happening again.

[donotunderstand]

I appreciate every detail you all said. I didn't have any contact to him from 7th of Dec., and I'm still remaining in that NC position. I won't contact him, if he writes or anything, as I did till now. It bothers me, if he was calling today, to hear my voice, I hope he won't do it anymore. I think he is angry I blocked him, and stayed in NC from the day I said I would.

I will stay strong, I do believe in myself, and I won't blame myself I was so naive and believed him, he speaks truth, and doesn't cheat on me.

I alwready read the book called Stopp Wallking on Eggshells, in only 3 days. I understand more of this borderline dissorder now. I read this forum more than a month, so today is the first day I logged in and wrote a post. Cause I kind of needed to! I really had bad day today, and it means a lot to me, you are with me, and support me in my position. Expecially is nice to hear that you understand me, and you all have been in the same position as I am wright now. I feel better now! Thank you all! 

[Joem678]

As I started 100% NC, there were many odd things that happened.  You need to prepare for this type of response.  It will freak you out and make you emotional.  Be strong because eventually, it will begin to anger you.  When I went LC, one of her skirts appeared in my walkin closet.  This was 2 months after she left.  She took all her clothes when she left.  It was kind of creepy.  I came home, followed the scent of perfume into the closet and BAM!  There it was.  My kids were also freaked out.  Especially, my 8 year old.  When I went NC, it got worse.  She kept out for one month with "odd" behavior.  She hasn't tried anything in a month.  It makes me paranoid.  So prepare for this!

[donotunderstand]

Joem678 you scared me wright now! That must have been scary for your kids, I can imagine! I hope non of this will happen to me. We actually didn't live together, because I haven0t be prepared for it. But me and my son were every weekend at his appartment and sometimes also during the week.

I had this kind of stalking at the end of the partnership, when I broke up with him. He would freak out, and I remember, I was at home one day, and he came to my house, he rang on the bell for almost 20 min, then called me on phone several times, left letter on my car. I saw him true the window, he didn't see me, I never saw him this way.

I kind of had lucky till now. I didn't se him yet, althrought we live just 20 km away. But I have a pediatrition for my child in his building, so I have to prepare to see him for sure one day!

And Joem, what is now happening? She did calm down, she calls you, messeges to you?

[Joem678]

My 8 year old was "WOW, dad that wasn't there". When my wife left my daughter took over her spot.  I have not acknowledged it to her.  They have seen her many other times freaking out. 

She has calmed Down.   I haven't heard from her in a month which scares me. Is their an emotional breakdown brewing?

I'm moving out of our home this week which should bring me peace of mind. 

[donotunderstand]

Joem, I hope you will have a peacefull time those days, and hope she isn't planning something bad, be optimistic! Probably she calmed down a bit till now in this one month. My ex would also scream and shout at loud on me, and said he doesn't care if my son hears it, and if that scares him. He was just one big egoistic ass.

I just don't get it, normal people would understand it. If you say you leave, they would understand. Expecially if you know for cheating, for all those lies, and specially if you say to them, that you do not won't have anything to do with them. But those people just don't understand. I just wanna have my life back, to be myself, and to be happy mum for my child. I deserve better then this. And I'm sorry for him, because he knows he is a bad person, and he won't change, but he wont's to believe he is a good person.

[troisette]

Hi DNU 

BPD is a horrible illness and there are common denominators in the indicators. But they are also individuals; so their behaviours are not all the same. That's one of the things that's so useful about this site; some people's experiences are not mine, with others I wonder if we were dating the same man! 

So please don't get yourself in a fret that Joe's horrible experience will be yours. If it is worrying you and your ex has keys to your home then get the locks changed.

Stay strong, stay NC (whatever the lures and however persuasive they may be... .). If you are tempted, remember the damage he has caused you and his attitude towards your son.

It will get better, day by day. I'm finding that this is the worst season of the year for NC, it should get easier in the new year and I hope it does for you too. I'm three and a half months NC and cannot believe, looking back, at the wreck I was throughout the summer. Wasted sunshine. But much improved now. It's difficult, when you are in the depths, to imagine that things will get better but hang in there.

I'm cheering you on... . 

[donotunderstand]

troisette, thank you for the support, so much! 

I know, mine ex doesn't have keys of my house, so he can not come into my house, and as I know him, he is to ashamed now, after all he's done to me, to come and to confront me in the eye! I know for cheating, I called his replacement, I saw all the messeges of his lovers, everything, and he also know he had punched me in the head three times, and push my son, he knows that it is better for him not to come here infront of me!

He is just playing his game now he is blocked on social media, and that must have heart him so much, so he called me yesterday to hear my voice. I didn't know it was him, because one of mine frend has this anonym number and I thought it was her, when I answered the cellphone. And after some time of quiet on the other site, I knew it could be only him then. Expecially now, when he can not see me on the social media.

I am in NC from the begginning of December, and I have commited myself to stay in this NC phase all my life. I won't answer anymore on unknown numbers, I won't respond to his e-mail if he writes, althrought he didn't from 7th of Dec.

But now tomorrow is end of the year, I know his lover has a man at home, and probably he's alone. And that is the price he deserves after all he's done bad to me. I hope he is misserable, really!

I'm invited tomorrow to my freinds party, there will be fun and plenty of company, and I will have a great time tomorrow.

Today I went to the doctor in town wher he lives, I was so afraid to see him, and just all the time look around. I know I don't wont to see him now, I couldn't stand it to see him, this manipulator, this cheater and lier. I also hope for tomorrow not to meet him outside in the town. I hope not!

[troisette]

Enjoy your party tonight DNU!

I understand the difficulty of living in the same area as ex, I do too and it adds to the strain.

En avant!

[donotunderstand]

u

Enjoy your party tonight DNU!

I understand the difficulty of living in the same area as ex, I do too and it adds to the strain.

En avant!

Thank you troisette so much. I had really great time yesterday on the party with my friends. But on my way home i cried all the time, and I'm still crying, the whole day I just listen to the music and cry. I miss him, I miss everything good we had, but I don't miss our arue, our fights, his distance, his ignorance, his ego, his lies, his cheating.

[troisette]

I had a great time last night too DNU, realising how relaxed and how much fun I was having compared to last NYE. Not walking on eggshells, just having a good time. Thought "that's it, hooray, I'm over him",

But feel melancholy this evening. I think this is normal and at least we are out and able to enjoy ourselves with others. That's good.