I am the disordered one

[Our abuse recovery guide]

Hello,

  My F emailed me today asking when he can see my baby. He also asked if I could locate criminal court  records for my sibling who I met when she was 2 (23 yrs ago). I called him and told him I could not. A letter came for her and he opened it and there was mention of a warrant. We shot the breeze for a few moments and he implied I was a jerk for not talking to anyone in my family. He and the whole family see me as the crazy one who wants nothing to do with anyone for no reason at all. It was my F and his ex-wife who caused me to go NC as they caused me so much grief. I honestly think the only reason he emailed is he needed help. That is his hallmark.

I have seen him once in 20+ years and he wanted to bring his girlfriend. I said fine as long as she is not a "Janis Joplin" type. He replied with offense that as a matter of fact she is a singer in a band. I was referring to a drug addict women but I guess my analogy was dead-on.

  We left the visit idea open. Frankly, I regret telling him I had a kid and want to go NC again. I simply hate him for everything he has done to me in life.

  I think he creates scenarios for his lady friends to show them his family is in contact with him i.e go visit his crazy son's baby who although does not talk to anyone because he's nuts, I still have to do my fatherly duties. His girlfriend is then impressed by his parenting responsibilities. I have seen him lie to other girlfriends about events in his life portraying himself as the victim.

  I guess where I am going with this is I am glad I went NC and am doing so again. Disordered people are unable to see what role they played in the mess. He was telling me today his ex wife is getting his daughter in alot of trouble. There was no mention of his poor choices in life affecting how is daughter turned out. He was saying this in front of gfriend to impress her. "Oh I am so worried about my kids- they are all crazy or have warrants"- . None of which is my fault.

 

[Please help]

Hello,

  My F emailed me today asking when he can see my baby. He also asked if I could locate criminal court  records for my sibling who I met when she was 2 (23 yrs ago). I called him and told him I could not. A letter came for her and he opened it and there was mention of a warrant. We shot the breeze for a few moments and he implied I was a jerk for not talking to anyone in my family. He and the whole family see me as the crazy one who wants nothing to do with anyone for no reason at all. It was my F and his ex-wife who caused me to go NC as they caused me so much grief. I honestly think the only reason he emailed is he needed help. That is his hallmark.

I have seen him once in 20+ years and he wanted to bring his girlfriend. I said fine as long as she is not a "Janis Joplin" type. He replied with offense that as a matter of fact she is a singer in a band. I was referring to a drug addict women but I guess my analogy was dead-on.

  We left the visit idea open. Frankly, I regret telling him I had a kid and want to go NC again. I simply hate him for everything he has done to me in life.

  I think he creates scenarios for his lady friends to show them his family is in contact with him i.e go visit his crazy son's baby who although does not talk to anyone because he's nuts, I still have to do my fatherly duties. His girlfriend is then impressed by his parenting responsibilities. I have seen him lie to other girlfriends about events in his life portraying himself as the victim.

  I guess where I am going with this is I am glad I went NC and am doing so again. Disordered people are unable to see what role they played in the mess. He was telling me today his ex wife is getting his daughter in alot of trouble. There was no mention of his poor choices in life affecting how is daughter turned out. He was saying this in front of gfriend to impress her. "Oh I am so worried about my kids- they are all crazy or have warrants"- . None of which is my fault.

 

[Turkish]

Though there is likely some desire to see his grandson, your father's requests for help probably invalidate that, no? Based upon your previous thread, he makes little effort. It must be very hutful to miss a dad who barely was, or a grandfather who could be, but isn't. It sounds like you aren't really blocking him in any specific way from seeing his grandson, no?

[Please help]

Hello,

  Thanks for the reply. No, I found a reason to call him and tell him I had a kid. I felt as I owed it to my son. I even contacted someone who would contact my mother. I last spoke to her when I was about 23 years ago.

I knew after yesterday he called trying to somehow impress his girlfriend or make himself feel better as his daughter was wanted by the police.

I told him he could come see baby but he said he has a pool league game so he cant. He then went on to criticize me for not talking to anyone.

I have blocked his email (filter to trash) and will not take his phone calls anymore.

It's been 3 weeks since I told him. We are less than 50 miles apart.

  Most people who have a grand kid  hop on a plane if needed or do what is even within their means. Even if he sent a small gift and said I will see him soon would be okay.

He merely wanted to show off to g friend that his daughter has warrants out for her because she is hanging around her mother ( his ex-wife). He can say "see I told you they are bad people and I am so good".

The very fact I came to that conclusion tells me I spent way too much time around PD people.

I have a younger 1/2 brother who I met when he was 2. He is in his 20's now and lives with my father. We have different mothers. He and his sister were in and out of the foster system growing up and he has an alcohol problem. I read his facebook and although have no contact but root for him to succeed.

My F smokes pot with him and then chuckled when he told me the kid is in a alcohol rehab. I felt like saying "I bet that makes you feel good he is a loser''. My F can point out to others and say hey look at my loser kid. I am way better than him.

  It's all about his own image. He cannot connect how his kids are a reflection of him.