Growing Cajones After BPD...work in progress

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hi Guys, I haven't posted on here for awhile... .just wanted to check in with some new developments.

It's been almost a year since my ex discarded and replaced me. I've passed her on a road a few times, we live a mile from each other... .but I haven't ran into her anywhere or had any communication whatsoever.

We do belong to a few Meetup groups, one she and her girlfriend are very heavily involved in. I bowed out of that one, just to avoid any contact whatsoever.

I feel healthier without her in my life.

This past year I eliminated three very negative people in my life. Ironically all three had pegged me as a drama queen and now that they are gone I realize I wasn't the problem.

This past Dec my co worker and I had a falling out over something very fourth grade. She refused to speak to me so I moved on. This is a person who during my suicidal time in my BPD relationship called me "selfish and stupid" for not being there for her during what was the worst time of my life. She's one of these people who is very critical of your actions, friends but when it comes to her she is exempt. 

But for some reason I've always forgiven people who treat me like crap and with her I did the same.

So last Friday I get an IM at work accusing me of stealing from

my company (I run our promotional item program) and if she noticed one more thing off at her house or work she would turn me in and get me fired. She continued by calling me an emotionally disturbed liar and a horrible employee that my company would be happy to learn more about.

Mind you I hadn't spoke to this woman for months and we were friends for six years. Such friends that when she broke her ankle two years ago I drove her to work for a year, dr appts even changed my hours to accommodate her.

My BPD ex's sister also works with us (lucky me). Last year she sent me a FB threat that if I so much as looked at her wrong she would go to HR and my boss and get me fired.

This friend knew how distraught I was over that. I didn't use the bathroom on my floor for over a year. In 2016 I stopped doing that.

I know my former friend was bluffing but accusing someone of theft is not cool. I make double her salary and am in a very nice position. I decided enough was enough. I am not letting anyone bully me nor use passive aggressive silence to intimidate.

I turned in the IM to my boss who went to HR.

This resulted in a five day suspension of my former friend. She actually told HR she was shocked and never thought in a million years I'd go to HR. Then she described me to HR as nice and well liked. She said she could co exist with me and promised never to do this again.

I am probably more hurt at the realization this person was never my friend. Even more than her threat itself. I've really scaled down in friends this last year and am keeping a tighter circle. If someone seems off or I spy some red flags I am out of there.

Monday my former friend returns from her suspension. I am hoping we can co exist peacefully as we sit three seats from each other. I feel I did the right thing and it took away her power and control over me. That's honestly all I wanted, for this pip squeak to leave me alone and not try to control me through things I confided in her when we were "" friends.

Don't ever let someone bully you. It's hard because that's how we ended up here.

Don't let anyone steal your shine. Stand up for you!

PW

[Pretty Woman]

Hi Guys, I haven't posted on here for awhile... .just wanted to check in with some new developments.

It's been almost a year since my ex discarded and replaced me. I've passed her on a road a few times, we live a mile from each other... .but I haven't ran into her anywhere or had any communication whatsoever.

We do belong to a few Meetup groups, one she and her girlfriend are very heavily involved in. I bowed out of that one, just to avoid any contact whatsoever.

I feel healthier without her in my life.

This past year I eliminated three very negative people in my life. Ironically all three had pegged me as a drama queen and now that they are gone I realize I wasn't the problem.

This past Dec my co worker and I had a falling out over something very fourth grade. She refused to speak to me so I moved on. This is a person who during my suicidal time in my BPD relationship called me "selfish and stupid" for not being there for her during what was the worst time of my life. She's one of these people who is very critical of your actions, friends but when it comes to her she is exempt. 

But for some reason I've always forgiven people who treat me like crap and with her I did the same.

So last Friday I get an IM at work accusing me of stealing from

my company (I run our promotional item program) and if she noticed one more thing off at her house or work she would turn me in and get me fired. She continued by calling me an emotionally disturbed liar and a horrible employee that my company would be happy to learn more about.

Mind you I hadn't spoke to this woman for months and we were friends for six years. Such friends that when she broke her ankle two years ago I drove her to work for a year, dr appts even changed my hours to accommodate her.

My BPD ex's sister also works with us (lucky me). Last year she sent me a FB threat that if I so much as looked at her wrong she would go to HR and my boss and get me fired.

This friend knew how distraught I was over that. I didn't use the bathroom on my floor for over a year. In 2016 I stopped doing that.

I know my former friend was bluffing but accusing someone of theft is not cool. I make double her salary and am in a very nice position. I decided enough was enough. I am not letting anyone bully me nor use passive aggressive silence to intimidate.

I turned in the IM to my boss who went to HR.

This resulted in a five day suspension of my former friend. She actually told HR she was shocked and never thought in a million years I'd go to HR. Then she described me to HR as nice and well liked. She said she could co exist with me and promised never to do this again.

I am probably more hurt at the realization this person was never my friend. Even more than her threat itself. I've really scaled down in friends this last year and am keeping a tighter circle. If someone seems off or I spy some red flags I am out of there.

Monday my former friend returns from her suspension. I am hoping we can co exist peacefully as we sit three seats from each other. I feel I did the right thing and it took away her power and control over me. That's honestly all I wanted, for this pip squeak to leave me alone and not try to control me through things I confided in her when we were "" friends.

Don't ever let someone bully you. It's hard because that's how we ended up here.

Don't let anyone steal your shine. Stand up for you!

PW