Introduction Thread

[Starting_Over]

I just came across this board while trying to find a book on board line family members, and I saw that there actually a lot of posters on here. I post on another board regarding the issues that I now have as a result of my childhood, but their family support forum is relatively dead

I have been officially 'no contact' with my father for over half a year, and in therapy for the same amount of time.  I actually made the decision to go no contact when I realized that I am to afraid of people to make friends. I had thought that I had full blown avoidant personality disorder, but luckily my psychologist says that I only have traits of avoidant and dependent personality disorders.  However, now that I have processed a lot of my childhood I don't know if those traits are all still applicable.

Has anyone else suffered diagnosable psychological issues from being raised by a borderline parent?

[once removed]

hey Starting_Over and

im glad you found us and i commend you for seeking support.

i think you will find that many raised by a parent with mental illness struggle as adults. they can involve being undermined and invalidated, over relied upon emotionally or physically, abused physically or emotionally. many grow up not trusting themselves or others. youre in good company with folks that understand

how is therapy going? youve shown a lot of courage seeking support, have you begun to tackle the fear of people and making friends?

[Turkish]

Hi Starting_Over,

That's a thing about being raised by disordered parents, that we tend to over-diagnose ourselves as well. That you are searching is a good sign, and I'd trust your therapist. I argued with mine a few times, telling him that I had to have something, because my Ex thought so. He said no, nothing pathological. (My mom sent me to a T when I was 13, sure I was messed up, too).

We had a member here who was DPD (the mother was BPD-NPD), but through therapy and a lot of self-work, no longer met the criteria for a diagnosis.

What makes you think that those traits are no longer applicable?

Turkish

[Starting_Over]

Therapy is going really well! My therapist uses a mix of talk therapy, and EMDR( which is great for processing childhood trauma). Most are my traits are under the avoidant category, but I thinks I have dependent traits, because my husband was the first person I dated.

I think that my traits are a lot weaker, because I am becoming more and more grounded. The first time when I felt grounded was when I was reading the book " Toxic Parents", and since then i have been feeling grounded for longer periods of time. Also, most of bad thought patterns I had developed through out my childhood are gone ( eg. Self shaming and catastrophic thinking). If by chance I do start self shaming I immediately stop myself. Basically, I no longer view myself like most avoidant people see themselves, but I still lack the the confidence/ experience to build new friends. I can be more outgoing and conversational, but I still assume that people already have enough friends so I shouldn't try. My husband and I have 1 couple that we are friends with... .he might feel that we have more friends, but I don't. I want to make more friends, but I am trying to not force myself to try too much too soon.