I feel I am almost healed . But of course I still feel pain and hurt because I loved him dearly. But I realize how sick he was and how dangerous he was becoming to himself and others! I just don't understand what happened to his whole demeanor at the end! Can someone explain this to me.
I guess the thing with BPD or other cluster-B disorders to keep in mind is that, although you may experience almost a completely different person at different stages of the relationship, all of them are
still that person. pwBPD/cluster-B have an unstable and malformed sense of self. They seem to only exist through relation to other people and things, through a process called "mirroring" (which you can read up about in the LESSONS). They'll idealize a person, do everything they can to conform to that person's expectations (that's the great, intoxicating part of the relationship), then eventually they'll realize that the person is a flawed and real human being, and then they will devalue you and act out in devastating ways, because you weren't "the one" or "perfect" or whatever their fantasy was. They fear both engulfment AND abandonment in relationships, and seem to have wildly different reactions to each, most of which are destructive and prevent them from maintaining close relationships. In their minds "feelings = facts", which does not promote a stable or sustainable view of the world, or people in their lives.
