Projectile Guilt, take 2

[unicorn2014]

The first time I dealt with this was in my mother, she felt guilty for the poor job she did being my mother so she would constantly project her guilt on to me. I learned this from a former therapist.

Well, this week I learned my ex does the same thing about feeling guilty for being a bad parent I was shocked. I met with my daughter's new psychologist to give her some background on my daughter and one of the things we talked about was taking some space from my ex. My daughter is currently in a crisis that his involvement would worsen so we were talking about ways in which we could protect ourselves. I had no idea my ex was treating me the same my mother was, although it makes perfect sense. We talked about how I'm vulnerable to projected guilt because of how my mother treated me.

My daughter's psychologist was trying to get me to empower myself and set boundaries with my ex, file a restraining order if he doesn't respect our boundaries. That had come up in the past but I chose not to file one because I didn't want to restrict my ex's access to his daughter at church. Now that we're not attending anymore that's no longer an issue.

Another interesting thing that came up is that my ex has far more respect for our daughter then he does for me. In the past if he hasn't gotten his way with her he's called me up and tried to make me make her do his will. Because of the current circumstances I actually had to seek out police advice on what to do if that happens. My daughter actually said in the therapy sessions that she would tell dad to "leave me alone". That made me feel awful. I told her psychologist no child should be put in that position and her psychologist reassured me that they have their own relationship.

Have you any of you been made to feel guilty by your ex?