MY BPD GF is in jail facing prison is giving me Silent Treatment

[roncarebear]

It is hard to take.  She has nobody to visit her or take her phone calls from jail.  She has nobody in the world but me.  Her mother is a NPD/BPD that gives silent treatments.  For instance, I bonded my GF out a few months ago.  She is a compulsive liar and an addict.  I confronted her on her lies she would create a victim story about me when she splits black and run 100 miles to her hometown so she can get high and get away with it.  Then she gets her bond revoked.  Now she is in jail. Looks like some prison time soon.  She says she is going to work on herself so we can have a future together.  But when I confront her on our issues or real facts... she gets defensive... .deflects and she distorts reality, changes the history of what happens so we can never resolve issues.  I confront her now in jail about things she did.  Sometimes she is humble and admits it then when she is angry she takes back her admission and changes history to obviously cope with it.   and she stopped calling me for over 2 weeks.  I didn't do anything to her but call her out on her lies and distorted ways she copes with her shameful past.  She doesn't want to hear it and now is giving me the ST.  So I did write her some scathing letters to organize our issues and the truth.  I was angry so there was an angry tone.  I felt bad and sent her other letters that validated her and told her how much she means to me and how important she is.  Still the ST.

I feel like giving up on her cause she is like a 4 year old.  And the splitting and the objective constancy is antithetical to what I think love should be.  Shouldn't she fight through rage and shame to at least call the one she loves? or did she ever love me?  I wish this was over, but I don't want to give up on her.  Isn't that crazy making thinking?  She wants to have babies with me... .then its like changes her mind in an instant.  What the heck?

So did she love me?  Or is it toxic love?  Do I help end the ST? or do I wait for her to call me?  I did send her over a dozen letters and postcards to validate her. 

Somebody tell me what I should do?

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[umberto]

You're in the improving the relationship section on the boards, so no one here will advise you to end your relationship. You might get more diverse opinions on the deciding board. That sounds like a crappy situation, I feel for you! Do you know how long she might be in prison for?

Are you willing to put up with this kind of behavior for the rest of your relationship? Change is hard and without really serious dedication and willingness to take responsibility from her, I would expect more of the same for the foreseeable future. It's up to you if you want to accept that.

[iluminati]

Right now, she's in jail.  Managing relationships with someone incarcerated is difficult even without the mental issues.  I would just let it drop.  If she's going to call, she will.  Don't lose sleep over it.