Happy Birthday Darling

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Happy Birthday Darling. I know you will never know I wrote you this or understand why I did so but it is important to me to be true to myself. That true self wishes you a happy 45th birthday. I am remembering your 40th and the surprise party I threw you. It was such a lovely time. I often remember so many happy moments in our life. I miss you. I love you. I wish you peace. I hope in some small way you remember some of our happy memories too. I know you have vilified me in your mind and to our friends but I also know the people who will read this birthday note to you will understand that our love was true, our happy memories were real and our hearts were sincere. Have a happy birthday and a great weekend you are so loved. 

You are mine and I am yours

[hope2727]

Happy Birthday Darling. I know you will never know I wrote you this or understand why I did so but it is important to me to be true to myself. That true self wishes you a happy 45th birthday. I am remembering your 40th and the surprise party I threw you. It was such a lovely time. I often remember so many happy moments in our life. I miss you. I love you. I wish you peace. I hope in some small way you remember some of our happy memories too. I know you have vilified me in your mind and to our friends but I also know the people who will read this birthday note to you will understand that our love was true, our happy memories were real and our hearts were sincere. Have a happy birthday and a great weekend you are so loved. 

You are mine and I am yours

[once removed]

what you write is touching, true to yourself, revealing and beautiful. it gets me every time  .

[hope2727]

what you write is touching, true to yourself, revealing and beautiful. it gets me every time  .

Thank you once removed. I have to remain true to myself even if that makes me vulnerable sometimes. It is very helpful to be able to write out these thoughts and feelings somewhere non-judgemental. As many of us know our friends each a point of saturation with hearing that we miss them or are sad. It may have been a doomed relationship. It may be impossible to repair. But my love was sincere and still is. I wish he could comprehend that but he can't. It doesn't make it any less real for me.

[peace74]

written very beautiful.

made me cry because I feel the same love towards mine.

sad  :'(

[hope2727]

written very beautiful.

made me cry because I feel the same love towards mine.

sad  :'(

I guess all we can do is keep growing and learning and be ready for someone worthy of the love we have to offer.

[sweet tooth]

Happy Birthday Darling. I know you will never know I wrote you this or understand why I did so but it is important to me to be true to myself. That true self wishes you a happy 45th birthday. I am remembering your 40th and the surprise party I threw you. It was such a lovely time. I often remember so many happy moments in our life. I miss you. I love you. I wish you peace. I hope in some small way you remember some of our happy memories too. I know you have vilified me in your mind and to our friends but I also know the people who will read this birthday note to you will understand that our love was true, our happy memories were real and our hearts were sincere. Have a happy birthday and a great weekend you are so loved. 

You are mine and I am yours

This is unbelievably tragic... .

[sweet tooth]

I still care about my person deeply, too. I think part of me always will care about her... .

[FannyB]

Lovely post Hope - love and compassion in abundance, yet tempered by a healthy dose of realism. 

You are correct - we should be true to ourselves and the genuine nature of the feelings we had for our exes - denying this only prolongs our suffering in my opinion.


Fanny

[HarleypsychRN]

Happy Birthday Darling. I know you will never know I wrote you this or understand why I did so but it is important to me to be true to myself. That true self wishes you a happy 45th birthday. I am remembering your 40th and the surprise party I threw you. It was such a lovely time. I often remember so many happy moments in our life. I miss you. I love you. I wish you peace. I hope in some small way you remember some of our happy memories too. I know you have vilified me in your mind and to our friends but I also know the people who will read this birthday note to you will understand that our love was true, our happy memories were real and our hearts were sincere. Have a happy birthday and a great weekend you are so loved. 

You are mine and I am yours

Hope 2727,

Perhaps I view it differently, but like all of us I feel for you and what you are going through. The dynamics of the pathology are difficult for us non-BPDs to understand. On some level, they have to realize they have a problem (mine did) she rejected further therapy, making her in my mind... .accountable.

Perhaps your BPD never had the opportunity to go to therapy. Perhaps I'm at the anger stage, but putting your heart out there for them to trample on (even in absentia), once again, is something I choose not to do. For me, it's not so much about coming in touch with your feelings as it is choosing to take care of myself, healing and moving on to someone normal.

My pwBPD had a birthday two months after she left (within 24 hours of swearing her love to me and after I confronted her about her lying and deceitfulness) and I'll be cursed if I choose to wish her a happy birthday. Everyone is different and everyone's needs are different (acknowledged) and if that helps you... .great.

I want to get this whole toxic relationship over with, find total detachment and move on. I hope you will (I know you will) as well.

"The calendar changes, they don't" -Unknown

[hope2727]

I suspect next year it will just be another day with no memory of his birthday but this year my true self loves and misses him. I haven't seen him in over a year. I have counselled so has he. In fact he has been in therapy since i've known him. Being true to myself and the values I have been raised in means loving him unconditionally. I feel it strongly in my soul that he is loved and valued. That doesn't mean I have to put up with his bull poop unconditionally or let him hurt me further. But I will always respect my mother for teaching me to be "Real" as she called it. To be authentic to myself. My authentic self wished him a happy birthday. Simple as that.

I wrote it here to let out my feelings as much as for myself as for him. Maybe I wrote it for those of us who do love our lost ones even if we can't share our lives with them anymore.  Its ok to love someone. Its ok to love them unconditionally even if they are no longer a part of your life. Love in and of itself is a good thing.I am glad I love him. I know at some level he still feels that love. He just isn't able to receive it. Thats the sad part.

So we are all at our own place on this journey. As I write this I am listening to a radio show (yes radio not podcast) that my ex husband and I listened to every Sunday for more than a decade. I haven't seen or heard from my ex-husband in over 10 years. I am glad of it. He was not BPD like my exfiancee but he was not healthy for me. I loved my husband too. I miss him too sometimes. I valued him and tried my best. I wish him peace and when I sit down on Sunday to listen to my favourite program with a cup of tea I never fail to smile and think of my ex husband. I am grateful for all the good parts of our time together. I hope somewhere somehow he is listening too and smiles when he thinks of me.

Its the same for my expwBPD (fiancee). I hope wherever he is when he orders our favourite cup of tea, or hears our songs, or walks our paths, and sits in our cafes he smiles and thinks of me and how loved he was and is. It is just so sad that he isn't healthy enough to live in that love. I will not reduce my love or minimize my feelings just because he isn't ready. I am me and he is him. We are all at different places on this journey. I hope his path is peaceful. I hope my love reaches him there sometimes.

 

[HurtinNW]

I suspect next year it will just be another day with no memory of his birthday but this year my true self loves and misses him. I haven't seen him in over a year. I have counselled so has he. In fact he has been in therapy since i've known him. Being true to myself and the values I have been raised in means loving him unconditionally. I feel it strongly in my soul that he is loved and valued. That doesn't mean I have to put up with his bull poop unconditionally or let him hurt me further. But I will always respect my mother for teaching me to be "Real" as she called it. To be authentic to myself. My authentic self wished him a happy birthday. Simple as that.

I wrote it here to let out my feelings as much as for myself as for him. Maybe I wrote it for those of us who do love our lost ones even if we can't share our lives with them anymore.  Its ok to love someone. Its ok to love them unconditionally even if they are no longer a part of your life. Love in and of itself is a good thing.I am glad I love him. I know at some level he still feels that love. He just isn't able to receive it. Thats the sad part.

So we are all at our own place on this journey. As I write this I am listening to a radio show (yes radio not podcast) that my ex husband and I listened to every Sunday for more than a decade. I haven't seen or heard from my ex-husband in over 10 years. I am glad of it. He was not BPD like my exfiancee but he was not healthy for me. I loved my husband too. I miss him too sometimes. I valued him and tried my best. I wish him peace and when I sit down on Sunday to listen to my favourite program with a cup of tea I never fail to smile and think of my ex husband. I am grateful for all the good parts of our time together. I hope somewhere somehow he is listening too and smiles when he thinks of me.

Its the same for my expwBPD (fiancee). I hope wherever he is when he orders our favourite cup of tea, or hears our songs, or walks our paths, and sits in our cafes he smiles and thinks of me and how loved he was and is. It is just so sad that he isn't healthy enough to live in that love. I will not reduce my love or minimize my feelings just because he isn't ready. I am me and he is him. We are all at different places on this journey. I hope his path is peaceful. I hope my love reaches him there sometimes.

 

Incredibly, beautifully well said. What courage and kindness and strength you are showing. I'm sitting here crying, in a good way. Thank you.

[hope2727]

[/quote]
Incredibly, beautifully well said. What courage and kindness and strength you are showing. I'm sitting here crying, in a good way. Thank you. [/quote]
Thank you. I have to be true to myself. So often I catch myself pushing my feelings down so that other people are happy. Forget that. I will feel and think and write what I need to in order to finish healing. I only hope it keeps happening.

I hope his birthday was wonderful. I hope he thought of me and smiled. I know I thought of him and smiled.

Now I am going to go take my motorcycle for a ride. Onward ho.