BPD husband claims all three therapists say he's not BPD

[Thread]

I'm at a impasse.

BPD husband is once again doing what he does, what they all do. Dysregulate... .Fly off the handle, start yelling at me because he can't handle correction on things with our business like charging incorrectly. As a matter of fact his own therapist said he need to check himself due to him not being able to handle me being female and his wife but being the one with the "know-how" and further experience. All true.

Today I asked about his antianxiety/antidepressants (I counted the pills and he is 14 days over what should be left over) I asked if he was skipping pills he said no. He had lied about things in the past. Like the cigarettes hidden in his bag (while he "quit" smoking) and the response emails to the ex girlfriend. Which I found date and response.

Anyway. As he left he said that all three therapists including the DBT one said he was not borderline. Do I believe this? And I want to rant and curse but I know this will only be sensored so I will refrain. But What the heck!

HE IS SOO BPD! I have my therapists confirming. How the hell am I suppose to be married to someone who is in such senile and treats me like sh*t and thinks he's perfect?

How can his therapists be so off!

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[waverider]

What he reports his therapists may have nothing to with what they tell him, or even less like what they think.

What he tells you has gone through his denial filter so doesn't really carry much weight, especially when in a dysregulated state.

I gave up asking questions were my partners options where to either to admit failure or to lie to cover it up. It only adds shame to the guilt and amplifies the lie.

[flourdust]

I agree with waverider.

BPD first appeared on my radar when my wife was given a formal diagnosis upon intake into a DBT program. She had long-standing diagnoses of anxiety and depression and a tentative diagnosis of bipolar disorder. She came back from her DBT program and told me "oh, I have this new diagnosis... .borderline personality disorder."

It was a few months later when I began to research BPD and experienced that shock of recognition that so many of us have gone through, as suddenly the pieces of our lives began to fit into a pattern. Not long after that, I mentioned the BPD diagnosis to her when we were talking in the aftermath of one of her dysregulations.

She flatly denied it. "I don't have BPD. All of my therapists know that. They just gave me the diagnosis for insurance purposes."

This was a stunning reversal to me, and I discussed it with our marriage counselor. He told me her story made no sense -- if anything, insurance doesn't like to pay for treatment for BPD unless it is comorbid with another diagnosis, like depression.

Later, my wife changed her story again and accepted her BPD diagnosis (pretending her denial of it never happened), but told me that it meant that she was not responsible for her outrageous and hurtful behaviors.

[bruceli]

I agree with waverider.

BPD first appeared on my radar when my wife was given a formal diagnosis upon intake into a DBT program. She had long-standing diagnoses of anxiety and depression and a tentative diagnosis of bipolar disorder. She came back from her DBT program and told me "oh, I have this new diagnosis... .borderline personality disorder."

It was a few months later when I began to research BPD and experienced that shock of recognition that so many of us have gone through, as suddenly the pieces of our lives began to fit into a pattern. Not long after that, I mentioned the BPD diagnosis to her when we were talking in the aftermath of one of her dysregulations.

She flatly denied it. "I don't have BPD. All of my therapists know that. They just gave me the diagnosis for insurance purposes."

This was a stunning reversal to me, and I discussed it with our marriage counselor. He told me her story made no sense -- if anything, insurance doesn't like to pay for treatment for BPD unless it is comorbid with another diagnosis, like depression.

Later, my wife changed her story again and accepted her BPD diagnosis (pretending her denial of it never happened), but told me that it meant that she was not responsible for her outrageous and hurtful behaviors.

Ironically... .BPD would be one of the DX's that one would not want to asses for insurance purposes.