BPD pregnant ex

[josephrl82]

I had been with my girlfriend for a year.  The first 5 months were heaven, with only two incidents that I should have recognized as abnormal.  The first was when she asked me if I still loved my ex wife.  I answered with "I guess so.  To the extent that she is the mother of my child."  She held those words against me for months as if I confessed my undying romantic love for my ex wife.  The next episode was when my ex girlfriend called me out of the blue.  I answered when I guess I shouldn't have, but I did not lead her on and told her that I was in a relationship.

She has 4 children with 4 different fathers.  I was somewhat disgusted by this at first, but chalked it up to victim of circumstance.  I loved and treated her kids tje very same as I do my own daughter.  Our children had to witness all of the arguments and physical abuse!

We moved in together after just 4 months, but it only lasted 3 months before she moved back out.  After that first break up, we were off and on for the last 5 months.  As time went on the splits became more frequent, and longer.  The jealousy and accusations were off the charts!  I could not be left alone in tje same room with my phone!  I even want as far as to take a lie detector teat to prove that I was faithful.  :)id me no good!  She was extremely physically abusive!  Biting, scratching, kicking in the genitals, slapping, you name it!  It started to have an effect on my job always showing up wounded and mentally distraught!

We had always talked about marriage and in desperation I went through with proposing this last Christmas.  We planned on having a child and she got off birth control and we ended up pregnant in February!

Every time we would split she would immediately talk to other guys including ex boyfriends.  She would send me screen shots of their conversations that read some really disturbing things about pretending to make the baby together that was already inside her.  She would tell me that she slept with guys, just to say she was lying just to hurt me!  She would call me names and say I'm ugly and boring just to hurt me!

I finally had enough and demanded that she apologized for everything she has done to me or I was done!  She refused and just called me more names, beat me up and left.  We talked for the next couple days, but didn't get anywhere but more guys, threats, and screenshots.  I told her to leave me alone and she said "Happily!"  Less than a week later she had a guy stay the weekend at her house!  This was just days ago!

I'm in bad shape!  I can't sleep!  I can't eat!  And I just don't fking know where to go or what to think at this point!

[once removed]

hello josephrl82 

im really to sorry to hear about everything youve been through, and im very glad youve found us. it sounds like this relationship has taken a serious toll on you, and i hope you will find the support you need here  . we are here for you 24/7.

i think that a good first step would be to see a therapist, and probably a doctor. i can certainly relate to not being able to eat or sleep, i was quite a mess, but this is a great deal of abuse you have been on the receiving end of for a year, and i dont think anyone quickly recovers from that. your self esteem must be in tatters; i promise that it does get better  .

do i have it right that she is still pregnant with your child?

[josephrl82]

Once Removed,

Yes, she is still pregnant with my child.  Although I am starting to have concerns that she might have an abortion.  She already has 4 kids, and already seeing another man.  I just have a feeling that she might do it for her new guy.

[once removed]

that must be a scary thought josephrl82. how are you feeling today? is there any update on your circumstances?

[drummerboy5]

I'm going through the pregnant exBPD thing right now. Mine is seven months prego and has shut me out completely after our break up... It's hard because of the child for me. I don't think I would be so down if no child was involved

Therapy is your fisrt step. I went through the not eating and sleeping phase now I'm in the what the heck? Stage. Therapy is a very important to help get you through this

[josephrl82]

that must be a scary thought josephrl82. how are you feeling today? is there any update on your circumstances?

I went to the doc and was prescribed an antidepressant, but it's not supposed to start working for a couple of weeks.  She text me today to thank me for not canceling her car insurance, and to let me know that everything is going ok with the pregnancy.  So that is a good sign that she isn't considering abortion.  My heart fell out of my back side when I saw that the text was from her.  I don't know why she is trying to be cordial now, after the ugliness of our last split!  I don't know if it's an attempt to get me back, or that she's already happy and content with her new guy and I'm nothing more than the father of her child that she's trying to be cordial with.  I only replied with "ok."

[josephrl82]

I'm going through the pregnant exBPD thing right now. Mine is seven months prego and has shut me out completely after our break up... It's hard because of the child for me. I don't think I would be so down if no child was involved

Therapy is your fisrt step. I went through the not eating and sleeping phase now I'm in the what the heck? Stage. Therapy is a very important to help get you through this

I was in therapy before we even split up!  It started out as couples counseling, but she stopped attending after the first one due to the fact that we were always split up when the appointment came around.  I kept attending, but haven't been in weeks.  I have another appointment tomorrow.

So how is the what the heck stage going and how long did it take you to get through the depression stage?

[drummerboy5]

I'm glad she contacted you and the baby is doing good! I'm still like what the heck is going on my depression comes and goes. When she goes silent on me I start feeling better but when she contacts me and drama Starts I get depressed again. I'm glad you stayed with the therapy

[drummerboy5]

I forgot to add that she might be contacting you now because things aren't going good with the new guy you mentioned?

[JerryRG]

Same here drummerboy5

Toxic relationship, I get physically ill.

Bad scenario for our son since she's got custody now

[josephrl82]

I forgot to add that she might be contacting you now because things aren't going good with the new guy you mentioned?

I hope so bad that it is going south!  I just don't know if I have the strength to keep up the no contact if she tries to lure me back in though!  Just the fact that she went and did that should be enough for me to be able to walk and never look back but... .

[josephrl82]

So Monday she had a dr appointment. She text me before the appointment to thank me for not canceling her auto insurance, and to tell me that she thinks the appointment will go well. Then Tuesday she sent me the sonogram pics and, a Youtube link to the Garth Brooks song "The Dance." I thanked her for the pics, and told her that there was no coming back after what she has done with her new guy!

I just can't help but wonder if she sent me that song hoping it would strike a chord and get me to take her back or if it was a kind of final goodbye and good luck gesture.

[drummerboy5]

So Monday she had a dr appointment. She text me before the appointment to thank me for not canceling her auto insurance, and to tell me that she thinks the appointment will go well. Then Tuesday she sent me the sonogram pics and, a Youtube link to the Garth Brooks song "The Dance." I thanked her for the pics, and told her that there was no coming back after what she has done with her new guy!

I just can't help but wonder if she sent me that song hoping it would strike a chord and get me to take her back or if it was a kind of final goodbye and good luck gesture.

With pwBPD you never know what they are up to. My exBPD/npd allowed me at the sono appt and the next day told me how much she missed me and this and that. The day after she said she wasn't giving the child my last name and has been pretty much silent a month at a time. She will reach out to cause problems and block all contact afterwards .They can flip like a light switch...

[josephrl82]

Update

I went to the doctor about my sleeplessness and loss of appetite, and was perscribed Zoloft.  I have been taking them for about 9 days now with no noticeable effect yet.  I tried talking to other females, and was thinking about trying to date since she has someone new, I figured it would help boost my confidence and self esteem.  I cannot keep a meaningful conversation going with any of them though.

Been a week since last contact when she sent the sonogram pics and song link.  She has no phone as far as I know since I took her off of my plan when I found out about her orher guy.  She sent me those pics and links from her daughters phone.  I tried to text her daughters phone to ask her if she would tell her mom Happy Mothers Day for me, but got no response.  So I don't know if the message was passed on or not.

I know that I can never forgive her for finding my replacement less than a week after our split.  I know there is no possible way I could see her face knowing I still love her so much, but I want to be a participant in the pregnancy.  It just seems to me that "normal" adults would be single and cordial under these circumstances!

[drummerboy5]

Update

I went to the doctor about my sleeplessness and loss of appetite, and was perscribed Zoloft.  I have been taking them for about 9 days now with no noticeable effect yet.  I tried talking to other females, and was thinking about trying to date since she has someone new, I figured it would help boost my confidence and self esteem.  I cannot keep a meaningful conversation going with any of them though.

Been a week since last contact when she sent the sonogram pics and song link.  She has no phone as far as I know since I took her off of my plan when I found out about her orher guy.  She sent me those pics and links from her daughters phone.  I tried to text her daughters phone to ask her if she would tell her mom Happy Mothers Day for me, but got no response.  So I don't know if the message was passed on or not.

I know that I can never forgive her for finding my replacement less than a week after our split.  I know there is no possible way I could see her face knowing I still love her so much, but I want to be a participant in the pregnancy.  It just seems to me that "normal" adults would be single and cordial under these circumstances!

Give the meds time to work, it could take up to 4-8 weeks. I know it's hard but you've got to stay strong... As far as to adults being civil for the pregnancy, remember that when she rages or acts out its like a 3 yr old holding their breath until they get what they want. It's not you it's her