NC ... Emotions

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hey everybody.

So my ex and I have been pretty much off since sept. We work together so I really didn't go to strict no-contact until about a month ago. The month or so before that we were pretty much NC except for cordial hellos. But the last few weeks we don't even acknowledge each other. I felt I had to go this way because it was time to eliminate her from my life as completely as I could (working together presents problems) and work on getting over my addiction to her. I know as a former smoker that you have to drop them completely to get over the addiction and I feel the same way about my ex.

I've been doing well with it, tho it has hurt a little to be complete ghosts to each other in the office considering all we experienced together.

The past few days I've had some anxiety resurface when I see or hear her. She puts in quite a mask at work and is only friends with guys in the office who all think she's great and don't know the real her like I do.

I guess my question is this: for those who have gone full NC these swings in my emotions are normal, right? It's like having a craving for a cigarette weeks after quitting? I'm just basically looking for those who have gone NC to give me some support and pick me up a little.

Thanks in advance.

[Anez]

Hey everybody.

So my ex and I have been pretty much off since sept. We work together so I really didn't go to strict no-contact until about a month ago. The month or so before that we were pretty much NC except for cordial hellos. But the last few weeks we don't even acknowledge each other. I felt I had to go this way because it was time to eliminate her from my life as completely as I could (working together presents problems) and work on getting over my addiction to her. I know as a former smoker that you have to drop them completely to get over the addiction and I feel the same way about my ex.

I've been doing well with it, tho it has hurt a little to be complete ghosts to each other in the office considering all we experienced together.

The past few days I've had some anxiety resurface when I see or hear her. She puts in quite a mask at work and is only friends with guys in the office who all think she's great and don't know the real her like I do.

I guess my question is this: for those who have gone full NC these swings in my emotions are normal, right? It's like having a craving for a cigarette weeks after quitting? I'm just basically looking for those who have gone NC to give me some support and pick me up a little.

Thanks in advance.

[WoundedBibi]

Hey everybody.

So my ex and I have been pretty much off since sept. We work together so I really didn't go to strict no-contact until about a month ago. The month or so before that we were pretty much NC except for cordial hellos. But the last few weeks we don't even acknowledge each other. I felt I had to go this way because it was time to eliminate her from my life as completely as I could (working together presents problems) and work on getting over my addiction to her. I know as a former smoker that you have to drop them completely to get over the addiction and I feel the same way about my ex.

I've been doing well with it, tho it has hurt a little to be complete ghosts to each other in the office considering all we experienced together.

The past few days I've had some anxiety resurface when I see or hear her. She puts in quite a mask at work and is only friends with guys in the office who all think she's great and don't know the real her like I do.

I guess my question is this: for those who have gone full NC these swings in my emotions are normal, right? It's like having a craving for a cigarette weeks after quitting? I'm just basically looking for those who have gone NC to give me some support and pick me up a little.

Thanks in advance.

Completely normal. Especially when you work together and are confronted with your ex 5 days a week. One day you think you have it all under control and there is no way your ex still has any hold on you. The next day you come across your ex and your heart skips a beat and it feels you'll never get over your ex. The day after you're afraid things will always be awkward and you feel you're back in school and wish both parties and everyone around could behave as adults. The next you're angry because everyone thinks your ex is the best thing since sliced bread and nobody seems to see the manipulation but you. And on the last day of the week your anxious that you'll lose your mates at work and a smear campaign is around the corner. Completely normal.

[Dhand77]

It's feels like High School, doesn't it?

It's certainly weird, Anez. My first two months at work I was a nervous wreck, trying to maintain some semblance of normalcy. Then I hid for two months. Changed my hair, changed my clothes(thanks Income Tax!). Made some new friends. Started talking to more female co-workers. Especially the ones her miserable ass would talk about. And this whole past week I saw her everyday at one point or another. I always made sure I was smiling and I always made sure I exhibited confidence. Whenever I pass her,  I make damn sure it doesn't look like it bothers me, and believe me, the anxiety is there and there is a lot of it. But I won't show her anymore. I also ignore the ever loving crap out of her, as best I can, just pretend she isn't even there.

One day the awkwardness will be normal. One day, we'll walk by our exes and we won't even care.

But I really hate that she turned my workplace into high school, with her immature bulls**t.

[Anez]

Man, Dhand ... .we are living basically the same life!

I've done the same things you have and now i'm just saying F it and doing whatever I want to do at work, talk to whomever I want to talk to, and just being my old self.

The ignoring part is weird, for sure, but over time it will become normal. It's just her darn voice seems to be everywhere in the office. Prob because she doesn't work a lot but just goes around talking to everyone.

always good to know we're not alone in this recovery. thanks for your responses!

[Dhand77]

Man, Dhand ... .we are living basically the same life!

I've done the same things you have and now i'm just saying F it and doing whatever I want to do at work, talk to whomever I want to talk to, and just being my old self.

The ignoring part is weird, for sure, but over time it will become normal. It's just her darn voice seems to be everywhere in the office. Prob because she doesn't work a lot but just goes around talking to everyone.

always good to know we're not alone in this recovery. thanks for your responses!

Yeah dude, you and I have a lot of similarities. She's clearly trying to rattle your cage, by making sure her voice is heard all the time.  So make sure she hears yours, and when she does, make sure it's upbeat and fun. Remember, they think they can manipulate our emotions, they think we're weak because we care, if they keep us rattled they control us. I'm not too into being controlled by someone. I'm sure you're not either.

I hate the awkwardness of walking by her incredibly. Time and repetition will fix that. But, If I walk by her, I'll bust out my phone and whip out a text message and just smile at it and type jobberish. Again, super immature and juvenile, but I'm dealing with juvenile on a daily basis, and there is only so much high road a guy can take. So I know seeing me always smiling, wearing new clothes, new haircut, socializing, being confident, akways happy, F's with her head in some form or fashion. Plus I like to listen to a lot of Misfits lately. It helps my mood tremendously. They're aggressive, up beat and 80% of the songs are about dead girlfriends. LOL. Trust me, totally helps. LOL.

My main motivation is to just not be controlled. I'm a little tired of being emotionally bullied, because that's what it feels like anymore. Something tells me, you are too. The best way to fight back is by BEING AWESOME, LOOKING AWESOME and FEELING AWESOME.

You know what all this crap we endure makes us forget? It makes us forget the we are FRIGGING AWESOME. Go show that office your awesome.

[JerryRG]

Hey Dhand77

My favorite song is Miss Misery, Nazareth.

I listened to it many times but I've gotten past the punishment phase as my exgf is quite busy destroying herself without any of my input.

I'm back to listening to my favorite music without dwelling on her.

Yeah! Life does get better!