Relief

[iamexhausted]

Hi all. I recently posted over in the Deciding/Conflicted section about my relationship with my uBPDso. I received great advice and it felt wonderful to just vent. In the last week - 10 days, the SO has again broken things off with me twice: once last Sunday/Monday, and as usual, I cried and we talked and we 'worked things out', and then again last night.

This last week has been different. I noticed I have been purposefully distancing myself from SO. All day yesterday SO was in a p!ssy mood, and I was just not engaging because I knew a fight would start. SO mentioned how angry they were and went so far as to say 'murder isn't beyond me today', so I steered clear, of course. Anyway, after letting SO vent and attempting to validate without allowing them to cross the line into making ME p!ssy, I decided to let them go for the night since they had started drinking, which only escalates their issues. I mentioned how I found it odd that they hadn't said they loved me at all during the day, even after I'd said it to them several times, and said I was going to go before I ended up in a bad mood. SO has a habit (maybe it's common with BPD -- I admittedly don't know much about it) but they withhold things like saying they love me and also they are a master at the silent treatment.

Anyhow, as I said, I awoke at 4 this morning to an absolute barrage of messages ranging from them telling me they weren't going to 'baby me' about this issue, to telling me I was selfish for expecting them to say it while they were in the 'worst mood of their entire life', to them questioning if my hearing that they love me made me feel safer. They said 'will you sleep better hearing I love you amidst my dismay and sadness? By all means lemme put my childish toys away and coax you. And i didnt ask a d@mn thing from you today although im down. I hid it and focused on you and interacted with you. So f**k this bullsh!t "the only person to be catered to is you" type sh!t. Im mentally dying here and all you care about is you.'. It ended with them telling me that I should go be in the arms of another person with whom I feel safe (after they had told me they'd dreamt of killing their ex spouse, and also how angry they'd been with me that they felt they could hurt me had I been in front of them in person), and with them saying they were moving out of state.

Anyway, needless to say, they went ahead and deleted our only form of communication (Google hangouts), blocked me from Instagram, Facebook, etc etc and honestly all I feel is RELIEF! I mean a week ago, I would be bawling my eyes out and feeling like I had failed but today, I just feel like the weight has been lifted. I think I've finally reached a point where I am just tired of all the drama.

Having said that, I am concerned that SO will continue to stalk me, which they admitted this past week to doing numerous times throughout the relationship. They even went so far as to see where an ex from 2013 had commented back then on a picture on facebook, and they googled this person, found out that they lived locally (they were 75 miles away when we briefly dated for 3 weeks in 2013!) and proceeded to drive by where the person lives now. I had no idea that person was local to me, as I hadn't spoken to them since 2013. Anyway, their stalking behavior is really the only thing I am concerned with.

I know it's long, sorry, but I just feel almost dead inside to this person now. Like I am not sad, though I realize in a couple of days I may get a bit sad thinking the what-ifs, but for today, I just feel this peace and calmness that I haven't experienced in the 4+ tumultuous months of this on again/off again roller coaster of craziness! 

Has anyone else felt immediate relief or peace after ending things with a BPDSO? Maybe I've cried enough tears over the last 4 months that I'm just all tapped out now!

[WoundedBibi]

Hi imexhausted 

Good for you! 

Yes, I know the feeling of relief. I had it when I broke it off with my uBPDbf. Before he reeled me back in. After that things got bad. Very bad. And the relief was gone. But at 1st it was there. Thinking "right, that's it, I'm done" after he hissed at me in the middle of the street he didn't hate me. Yet. It's probably why he tried to recycle me; I broke it off and I was clearly ok with it. He couldn't take that; it meant I was in control, not him.

So, stay strong. Don't take any bs from your now exSO. Don't get sucked back in whatever you do.

[khibomsis]

 and  welcome to the family, Iamexhausted! I think your feeling of relief is perfectly normal. What part of no more eggshells should you be regretting? What is more, for me it never fades. Yes, it was hard breaking up. I was ST-ed too, and with hindsight I think my uBPD ex did me a favour. I was in terrible pain. But in my heart I knew I was fortunate. To this day I continue to be relieved that I am out of it. Truth is you dodged a bullet.  Your relief is a sign that you were not completely sucked in yet, so thank your lucky stars and enjoy the peace and quiet.  , khib

[iamexhausted]

and  welcome to the family, Iamexhausted! I think your feeling of relief is perfectly normal. What part of no more eggshells should you be regretting? What is more, for me it never fades. Yes, it was hard breaking up. I was ST-ed too, and with hindsight I think my uBPD ex did me a favour. I was in terrible pain. But in my heart I knew I was fortunate. To this day I continue to be relieved that I am out of it. Truth is you dodged a bullet.  Your relief is a sign that you were not completely sucked in yet, so thank your lucky stars and enjoy the peace and quiet.  , khib

Thanks. I'm feeling perfectly fine. I wrote this post 2 months ago and while exSO and I continued to talk sporadically and even hang out a few times after I posted, it never went back to us being in a relationship. I let them get PO, suspicious, accuse me of whatever they wanted, and i simply stopped engaging in their nonsense. I would end conversations, stop texting, etc when they would decide to start their drama. They continue to stalk me online and then try to converse with me through email or text, and then when I refuse to engage (like them asking if I went out with someone of the opposite sex over the weekend), they start again with their woe is me, I want to kill myself, my life sucks crap. And I simply stop replying.

Anyway, my life is SO MUCH BETTER since accepting that this person will never change and that I deserve SO MUCH MORE than the daily bullsh!t and drama and back and forth crap. I mean this person did nothing for me in the 5 or so months we were in contact, besides make ME feel like I was becoming depressed. I am very thankful that I finally had the guts to stop reacting to their crap. They are still miserable and trying to guilt trip me into being miserable too. Too bad. I'm not sad at all. I have moved on with my life and things are looking amazing for my future. Meanwhile, I've gone on a couple of dates with someone else and it's really nice to not have to walk around on the eggshells or constantly worry about upsetting someone. What a relief.