First post...

[teorainn]

I only recently in the past 8 months or so came to the understanding of BPD for both my sister and father. My sister has always had many issues, but I could never understand what it specifically was causing all the issues. My father is much the same. I couldn't pin point anything, despite having a decent knowledge around mental health issues. I have now realised and can actively see how they are constantly trying to manipulate me and I guess I'm finding it's quite a difficult thing, to cope with the understanding and also putting appropriate boundaries in place.

So... .Here I am!

Hello. 

[Naughty Nibbler]

teorainn:

Welcome to The Family

It can be a bit overwhelming when you first learn that someone in your life likely has BPD.  I learned that my sister is likely BPD, when I started therapy because of severe problems I was having with her.  The most startling and unacceptable for me was her extreme rages.  I could go on with the long list of other things she did that are typical of people with BPD.

If you haven't read or listened to the book "Stop Walking of Egg Shells", it is a good place to start.  My therapist recommended this book to me after a few sessions.  It was very enlightening to me to get this book.  I actually got the audio book and then bought a separate work book.  

There is plenty of information on this website.  I just recently made a folder for my browser bookmark bar and started saving bookmarks for things I want to go back to and review/study.  There are some links on the right hand side of this page and you will definitely want to check out The Learning Center.  If you go to the main Index page, you will see The Learning Center towards the lower half of the page.

Here are a few helpful links to a few places to start in The Learning Center:

Here is a link to info. about Fear, Obligation and Guilt (FOG).

https://bpdfamily.com/content/emotional-blackmail-fear-obligation-and-guilt-fog

This link is to:  SELF-AWARE: What it means to be in the "FOG"

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=82926.0

Here is a link to a thread about boundaries - you might find it helpful:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=61684.0

[purekalm]

Hello teorainn,

I'm sure you will get better responses but I wanted to say hello and welcome to the board! 

First, I'd like to recommend a great book that if you don't have the money, you can check your local library. It's called Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. I have owned it several years now and still take it out to re-read when my memory of what a boundary even looks like starts to get fuzzy. I hope that it helps you some.

There are also plenty of helpful articles here on this site on the right side over there. -------->

Please keep posting as this is a very friendly helpful community of people who understand the struggle and pain.

If you have any questions or anything please feel free to ask.

Again, Welcome!

Purekalm

[teorainn]

Thank you for the welcome! It is a bit overwhelming, but I do appreciate the knowledge of BPD I'm gaining, because I'm hoping it will help create better relationships for me and the members of my family with BPD.

Thank you for the links! I will look into them! Stop Walking on Eggshells was actually the first book I read, when I first heard about BPD. I just recently finished it. I also just picked up the book Boundaries a few days ago! Just sitting here reading it now. It truly is a helpful book to read!

Much thanks again for the welcome

[purekalm]

teorainn,

I'm glad that you have already got some helpful things to start with! Boundaries is pretty enlightening, some things sure got my attention.

You're very welcome here and I hope you can continue to get some advice and gain new insight. I tend to like to gather tons of info at once and have a hard time just taking it slow, especially with the volume of information this is to gain! But, taking it one step at a time and focusing on that is how we make it, no matter the time it takes to get there.

I hope that relationships will improve, but I will tell you also what I have learned. Just because I'm trying to learn and gain help doesn't mean the people in my life are. We are all at different places in life and so we can't expect them to learn or understand what we are, only to love them and set appropriate boundaries so we are no longer injured by their behavior.

Purekalm

[Ziggiddy]

Hi teorainn

Just wanted to chime in with a welcome too.

It is ironic how even knowledge of mental health issues doesn't necessarily lead to awareness of them in your own family!

I'm glad your eyes have been opened now anyhow.

I was hoping to perhaps hear a little more detail about your experiences. Was there some particular event or behaviour that led you to suspect BPD in your sister or your father?

You mentioned that you were being manipulated - would you maybe tell a little more about what was happening to you?

The SWOE book is a great resource as are the other links/books that Nibbler and purekalm have put in there.

the more you can educate yourself about the condition the moe able you will be to figure out ways to negotiate your way through the behaviours.

Looking forward to hearing more of your story

Ziggiddy

PS Oh okay I see you have another post on the board. I will read that!