A Poem on Abuse and why I'm leaving BPD h

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

He told me it was me, that's how it began

I believed I was broken

His family told me it was me because I had anxiety

I  became more broken

His sister told me he acts this way because he is worried about me, I became depressed

Because I am broken

His brother said it isn't a big deal he called me a stupid-crazy-b___

(screamed it while driving recklessly)

Because I am broken

The church said what are you doing to cause your husband to be this way, where are you at with God, I became more depressed

Because I must really be broken

NERVOUS BREAKDOWN

I am lucky he stays with me,

Because I am broken

I worked on me, I worked on our marriage, I worked on therapy, I worked on good jobs, I worked at work, I worked on our home, I worked more on me, I worked on dinner, I worked on cleaning, I worked on our environment, I worked on where we lived, I worked on church, I worked on our activities, I worked

Because I am broken

He said you work too much

He said we need more money

He said focus on our marriage

He said yes to more orders

He said stop eating out so much

He said I shouldnt have brought you to get groceries

He said you are the love of my life

He said I don't even feel like you're my wife

He said you are crazy,

He said I love you

His parents said I don't really love him

He said its all a lie and I don't really love him

My therapist said I can tell you really love him

His therapist said you are being emotionally and verbally abused

I told his therapist I'm worried I don't love me

She said RUN THE OTHER WAY!

He apologies, he says I love you

He apologies, he says I love you

He apologies, he says I love you

He apologies, he says I love you

He apologies, he says I love you

He apologies, he says I love you

He apologies, he says I love you

He apologies, he says I love you

He apologies, he says I love you

He apologies, he says I love you

I am sincerely broken.

[Thread]

He told me it was me, that's how it began

I believed I was broken

His family told me it was me because I had anxiety

I  became more broken

His sister told me he acts this way because he is worried about me, I became depressed

Because I am broken

His brother said it isn't a big deal he called me a stupid-crazy-b___

(screamed it while driving recklessly)

Because I am broken

The church said what are you doing to cause your husband to be this way, where are you at with God, I became more depressed

Because I must really be broken

NERVOUS BREAKDOWN

I am lucky he stays with me,

Because I am broken

I worked on me, I worked on our marriage, I worked on therapy, I worked on good jobs, I worked at work, I worked on our home, I worked more on me, I worked on dinner, I worked on cleaning, I worked on our environment, I worked on where we lived, I worked on church, I worked on our activities, I worked

Because I am broken

He said you work too much

He said we need more money

He said focus on our marriage

He said yes to more orders

He said stop eating out so much

He said I shouldnt have brought you to get groceries

He said you are the love of my life

He said I don't even feel like you're my wife

He said you are crazy,

He said I love you

His parents said I don't really love him

He said its all a lie and I don't really love him

My therapist said I can tell you really love him

His therapist said you are being emotionally and verbally abused

I told his therapist I'm worried I don't love me

She said RUN THE OTHER WAY!

He apologies, he says I love you

He apologies, he says I love you

He apologies, he says I love you

He apologies, he says I love you

He apologies, he says I love you

He apologies, he says I love you

He apologies, he says I love you

He apologies, he says I love you

He apologies, he says I love you

He apologies, he says I love you

I am sincerely broken.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Hanging, Beautifully expressed.  Thank you for this lovely poem.  If I could add one thing, it would be that those w/BPD are experts at shifting the blame to the Non.  Indeed, they are often so convincing that family and friends agree that the blame should be on the Non.  Not so.  Those people don't know what it's really like inside a BPD r/s.  If you allow yourself to take on the blame (I did), the weight will crush you.  No wonder you feel broken.  In much the same way, I nearly destroyed myself.  Let me suggest that you already have enough rocks in your backpack with your own issues, and that the best thing you can do for YOURSELF is to refuse to accept sole blame for the breakdown in your marriage.  Let it go.  Don't take it on.  Don't catch the blame ball.  Drop the guilt.  Take yourself out of the blame game.

LuckyJim

[Thread]

Lucky Jim

Thank you I am in the process of divorce expressing my feeling and emotions in art helps me heal... .Helps me process, helps me commit to a decision when I see it in writing

I know I'm being abused and manipulated

Also side note

I meant to write "apologizes" spelling error it happens often

[Lucky Jim]

Hello again, Hanging,

Divorce is always a painful process, though in your case I think it's the right move in terms of your long-term happiness.

Many of us (me) have been down this path before you, so you are not alone.  Blazing a new trail is challenging, yet I don't mind the hurdles because it's my path.  I suspect you will find the same.

Many on this site fear the unknown, which is understandable, yet I've found that the unknown is also where greater joy is found.

LuckyJim