Just reaching out

[megagalactic]

Hi,

Just thought I'd introduce my situation and vent a bit. My wife of 7 years is a classic BPD. I actually only realized it about 2 years ago! Thanks Reddit! The biggest issue is I live in a small island in South East Asia, there is no health care here, let alone support places. My wife and I have two young daughters.

My wife is on a constant rant that I am cheating on her with any woman that crosses my path, either professionally or socially, she also accuses me of molesting our children and, even more bizarrely, having sex with my mother (who lives on the other side of the world and I've seen about 5 times in a decade). I'd happily leave the constant verbal abuse, however; the children are born here and hold my wife's nationality, and I'm reluctant to leave them as she has stated she will harm them to get to me. She has had me arrested for domestic abuse before (cleared after a week in some ___ty 3rd world prison) so is demonstrably capable of acting out. My life is quite restricted as she has to follow me about or know where I am at all times, lest I be involved in an epic sex orgy while she has her back turned. Her rage and insecurity are classically centered around abandonment and cheating. She was raped by her sibling from a young age. Any comments?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[lbjnltx]

Hello megagalctic,

Welcome to the family.  I'm so very sorry to hear all that you are being put through.  I understand the lack of mental health care and the need to protect your children, it is a sad situation to be in and I hope that with the information and support available here on this site that your life will improve.

Learning all you can about affective communication with your wife can help soothe her and lessen the strife.

Looking at the Lessons in the right side bar can help you get started on the path to a more peaceful existence in your home and with your wife.

lbjnltx

[waverider]

Have you discussed this issue when any authorities, there must be some for you to have been arrested and released. particularly in regards to the threat against your children?

As you say if you have the ability to leave, which she is probably afraid of, then the leverage is the kids. So the kids welfare is paramount.  If there is no way to turn this around is it safe for them in this environment whether you are there or not?

Typically the only way to protect them is either to leave, or to turn the relationship around to reduce, or eliminate, conflict and hostility between the parents. This board will help you to try and help you if you decide to take the latter path. It is not easy and there is no guarantee of success, but it does take a strong level of commitment.

I would suggest you use the resources of this site to help you work on this aspect, if it then proves untenable then you will a better understanding as to your options.

Most of us have to battle through this with only minimal effective outside help, regardless of where we live. We can only change our actions and choices, What anyone else does is simply a flow on effect of how they react to us, and is ultimately out of our hands.



Waverider