My boyfriends daughter

[stepmomsoon]

Hello!

I have a great relationship with a great man and his daughter. She has several of the traits of BPD.

I am here because when she has an episode, which can go on for days, it really affects him and can make him feel totally useless, angry, shut down, and closed off. They have a set of patterns of ways they fight that don't seem productive. I have told him that he needs his own support for when an episode is bad (endless screaming and hitting, following him around the house), so that he can keep his cool, having someone else to call instead of engaging. I could also use someone! I keep pretty calm but its easy to spend hours in weeping conversations that aren't helping her, and I feel like its one thing to read about boundaries, but it sure would be great to have someone to call to say, "this is what's going on, what should we do?"

Any advice for the right kind of therapy for family members who want to learn how to better interact? 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Gorges]

DBT is great for all family members. If you can't find a therapist search Amazon for books. GReat advice on how to stay calm. I think your observations are spot on. Your partner is lucky to have you

[Bright Day Mom]

This site is a great place for you and your soon to be husband to start learning.  Communication is key in any relationship, particularly when dealing w/BPD as discussions can quickly escalate to war!  Take a look at the tools to the right SET, Wise Mind, etc... It takes practice, but is definitely worth the time to learn. You'll see the communication pattern to start changing as the adults are no longer engaging in arguments.