Not sure where to start...but taking breathes

[omia73]

Hello!

I'm in a romantic relationship with my wonderful boyfriend.  We truly love each other and we both feel like we've found someone that we can trust are hearts to.  The challenge is that he has BPD.  He told me that it will be a roller coaster ride and that I'd need Dramamine! Another time, he questioned if I wanted to be in the relationship as it wasn't going to be easy.  When I told him yes, he responded with "good luck."  When things are going smoothly we can talk about situations and our relationship in a beautiful and meaningful way.  Other times, he can be quite emotional.  Thankfully, he gets emotional about things as work, people he deals with etc.  However, sometimes if I mention something, it's like he goes the opposite direction.  I say "black," then it must be (in his eyes) "white"... .even if the other day he said "white!"  I get a little confused with the roller coaster and now understand what he was trying to warn me about.  The challenge is that I'm a sensitive with my own self-esteem/emotions on top of practically being an empath.  I'm looking for ways to assert and take care of myself, while acting as a bystander (giving him the space) as he goes through his ups and downs.  I also don't like conflict and try to circumvent it.  However, I'm finding that my own feelings about our little everyday talks are starting to build up.  Any suggestions?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Mutt]

Hi omioa73,



I'd like to welcome you. I can see how stressful, emotionally exhausting that would feel like with the push / pull behavior from a pwBPD, it can feel like crazy making behavior to the non disordered partner. I'm happy to hear that he has shared about his disorder with you. It helps to read as much as you can about BPD, you will quickly see the benefits and become proficient over time.

I'm looking for ways to assert and take care of myself, while acting as a bystander (giving him the space) as he goes through his ups and downs.

Asserting yourself may mean that you need to have strong boundaries with your bf and taking time for yourself for selfcare. What do you like to do? I like to lifting weights. How is your support with family and friends? Do you spend time with loved ones?



It helps to talk to members that can relate with you. Many of our members here can offer you guidance and support. That could be a good place to start with your feelings that are starting to build up.