Let go or be dragged

[Huat]

"LET GO OR BE DRAGGED"... .just read that quote from "Mutt" in another post and loved it!  How true! 

Even though I have lived through  almost 40 years of dealing with my daughter's undiagnosed-but-probable BPD, I am still a "work-in-progress"... .good days... .bad days.  Thankfully there are more and more times when I do "let go" and what comfort I get from that.  When I go into my slumps, I try to work to remind myself of that comfort and how to get it back again.

Also, what a difference when I stop looking at myself as the victim... .rather than looking at her as the victim.  I feel badly for her... .not for me.  Different perspective... .different way of dealing with the situation at hand.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[bpdmom1]

Thank you.  This is helpful.  I'm having trouble with resentment.

[Rockieplace]

Yes. I have trouble with resentment too and it does help to think like that.

Having said that I am feeling a bit sorry for myself at the moment as, having taken my BPDd 's two dogs - another boundary bites the dust - I seem to have had an allergic reaction to the second one!  From the first night I have had a burning sore throat, headache, and cough!  Don't know for sure.

Also wondering what to do about her house which is sitting there becoming even more of a health hazard than it already was. I'm not sure if me going round and cleaning everything up yet again is the right thing to do.

Is it enabling for her to possibly come home each time to find the cleaning fairy has transformed her home? 

Sorry for your situation BPD mom  I've been there too. My h was like yours for a long time and I very nearly walked away many times. I hope that you get through it together if that is what you want. Hugs to all. X

[Gorges]

This quote is PERFECT

[lbjnltx]

What are we letting go of?

How are we letting it go?

How do we keep ourselves from picking "it" back up again?

Regarding resentments:



Resentments are often justified - but are they helpful?

So how does a little venting hurt us?  When we are resentful, we try to balance the wrongs we feel by justifying, arguing, defending, and explaining ourselves.  We may pull rank, cut them off, or refuse to listen to them. We can shut the door to communication with them which engenders anger and further resentment all around. Do we cling to a futile need to be right or be superior, which overrides our capacity to heal and to make healthy changes.  Are we getting consumed by our anger, or are we using our anger productively as a sign, that something needs to change?  Read more... .

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=135831.0

[bpdmom1]

Thanks ibjnltx.

Not sure if it is the resentment or situation, probably both.  Need a resolution and why we are in therapy.

[Huat]

"Let go or be dragged"... .a catch phrase... .a mantra.  To me it means to let go of the inner tension, gives me strength to go forward in a more constructive manner.

"Venting"... .certainly not to the person in my life with BPD because I learned long ago that is a losing battle which only causes more problems.  Venting on this site (or with friends) helps me let go of the inner tension, brings validation of my feelings, allows feed-back to help me move forward and deal with those feelings.  Resentment is not healthy but an emotion that has to be recognized and then dealt with... .but it has to be recognized.

Life with a BPD is a roller coaster ride for everyone involved.  One day there is strength... .the next day there is self-doubt... .the next day... .?  The day I read "Let go or be dragged," it spoke to me.  Tomorrow I might hear/read something else that bolsters me on my journey.  Phewwwwww!

[wendydarling]

Thanks Haut, Lbj and everyone. I appreciate this thread very much, you are making me think and appreciate how we all come from a different point and understand, we are not alone. 

Letting go and how are we letting go and not pick it up? My 27yr daughter has abandonment issues and is exploring with her therapist and DBT

Venting and resentment, I don't feel that ... .though understand and appreciate we speak freely and that is a positive learning for all, I learn so much from you.

I do feel challenged by the UK health system, like many UKers here-you may see me regularly vent about that, I will not give up helping others gain the access to care for their loved ones!             

WDx 

[lbjnltx]

Mental health care is frustrating this side of the pond too wendydarling.