I think I'm realizing what made me co-dependant

[reincarnate93]

my father has been an alcoholic practically his whole life and my mother was a drug addict for all of my teen years and even beyond them, I just read something online stating growing up with parents like this can cause a person to become codependent. how is this? I'm just curious.

I've been trying to dig deep in my soul the past couple days and focus on myself rather than my exes life, I think I may have found something

[borderdude]

my parents were the same ... .I just wonder about the definition of co-dep. Is it something you "are" consistent , or  patterns that occur in a specific relationship?

[borderdude]

my parents were the same ... .I just wonder about the definition of co-dep. Is it something you "are" consistent , or  patterns that occur in a specific relationship?

A role wich put you in a condition of co-dep, because of your rs?

[reincarnate93]

the definition of co-dependency from Google

"excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, typically a partner who requires support due to an illness or addiction."

[borderdude]

the definition of co-dependency from Google

"excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, typically a partner who requires support due to an illness or addiction."

So it is very subjective to our choice of partners? or are we inclined,predisposed to develop this pattern under the right condition. I will for sure not develop it in every rs I am in ?

[reincarnate93]

Good question.

I think the thing is for me. This seems to be the type of parter I'm always attracted to.

[borderdude]

Good question.

I think the thing is for me. This seems to be the type of partner I'm always attracted to.

'I recon, those partners give us the attention we craved or maybe missed as children, we give of ourself to them and get attention back. The dynamics become unhealthy and dependent. We fill each other's void , but  it becomes a one-way street. They can never reply our love, they are not capable if they even wanted.

Attention and idealization are faulty interpreted as love. Our love is given so that we lose our own voice, we forget ourselves in the process.

[reincarnate93]

Yeah, I suppose that's why its so traumatizing when the honeymoon phase wears off and the devaluation begins. Not only are we heartbroken but old wounds get tore wide open.

I almost feel like a fool for being in such a relationship. Twice nonetheless.

I feel I'm finally getting a little bit of clarity. Definitely not healed or over it yet but I'm taking small steps.

[borderdude]

Yeah, I suppose that's why its so traumatizing when the honeymoon phase wears off and the devaluation begins. Not only are we heartbroken but old wounds get tore wide open.

I almost feel like a fool for being in such a relationship. Twice nonetheless.

I feel I'm finally getting a little bit of clarity. Definitely not healed or over it yet but I'm taking small steps.

I did not repeat the song  2nd attempt. I did what you were not supposed to do namely told her  go and get some help. I never saw her again , thanks to god. I never will lose myself again, or  cross my boundaries. Love is about giving and returning, all based on respect. You find love and freedom in having healthy boundaries anchored in  reality and not in a fantasy world like these relationships are. They are based on lies, manipulation and deception.

It works like a one armed bandit , you get rewarded and endure losses. You get high, you fell down. You get some attention to play more, but at the end,  your wallet is always empty. And you usually come back for more abuse.

Who are we trying to fix or save? they did not ask for it , are we trying to fix something in ourselves?

[once removed]

I've been trying to dig deep in my soul the past couple days and focus on myself rather than my exes life, I think I may have found something

this is a valuable area to explore. even if we dont feel codependency is an ultimate fit for us, most of our relationships tended to dip into codependent territory.

https://bpdfamily.com/content/codependency-codependent-relationships

[C.Stein]

I believe everyone has some codependent traits, some of which can be seen as good traits to have in healthy relationships when in moderation.  As with all personality traits the problem is when a particular trait becomes dominant to the extent where it impacts our emotional and mental health.   When this happens we need to look within ourselves, to see where healthy becomes unhealthy and make adjustments.  It is hard, may be the hardest thing we ever do in our lives, but it will also be the most rewarding and beneficial.