Dreams about meeting a girl

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

ive had them on occasion since i was old enough to remember my dreams. i rarely remember my dreams, but these are especially vivid. over the last many years, i find myself, within the dream, beginning to wonder if im dreaming or if this is real. a few times ive even half awoken, pondering that, and ive even fallen back asleep and the dream continued.

to be clear, this is always in the context of finding a girlfriend, although when the dreams originated at a very young age, it was a friend. regardless, they have always been incredibly disappointing to wake up from. the connection is always palpable. it isnt the feeling that ive found my soulmate, but its healthy and ideal, strong, and exciting. i can get fairly insecure in the courting stage of a relationship, and i am a little in these dreams, but i enjoy the chase where i dont really enjoy chasing in real life.

im not sure that the details of the dreams are very important beyond them involving the courting stage of a relationship; that always varies (it has never involved the same girl twice), and that is always where the dreams end. the girls in the dreams dont seem to have overlapping qualities. perhaps interestingly, i very rarely wake up and remember the name or identifying details of the girl, though last nights girl was named "lexi" (i knew her last name but since forgot it) and the girl from the first dream was named "debbie".

im always wary of dream interpretation (especially since most of my dreams are not of the common variety, and they dont tend to include much in the way of symbolism), though ive come across legitimate dream exploration a few times, and i have learned and experienced that recurring dreams can be resolved. i guess thats what im seeking to do here; i also know the posters on this board are pretty well versed in legitimate dream exploration.

the most obvious interpretation, i suppose, would be that im lonely. that doesnt feel like a good fit or explanation, especially given ive had these dreams since i can remember. i have no interest or ability right now in finding a partner, though im aware im likely dealing with unconscious stuff, and its worth noting i dont recall ever having these dreams when ive been in a relationship.

anyway, before i wrote this i did a brief google search and didnt find much on the subject. there was a not very insightful reddit thread so im sure these dreams arent uncommon. maybe they arent a bad thing, either, in that im envisioning something healthy and ideal, but as i stated, they are painful to wake up from, and weigh on me.

at this point i would like to either resolve them, realize what they are trying to tell me (probably not the obvious), and/or stop having them. i would appreciate any insight into the matter, and am happy to provide more detail where i can. thank you in advance!

[once removed]

ive had them on occasion since i was old enough to remember my dreams. i rarely remember my dreams, but these are especially vivid. over the last many years, i find myself, within the dream, beginning to wonder if im dreaming or if this is real. a few times ive even half awoken, pondering that, and ive even fallen back asleep and the dream continued.

to be clear, this is always in the context of finding a girlfriend, although when the dreams originated at a very young age, it was a friend. regardless, they have always been incredibly disappointing to wake up from. the connection is always palpable. it isnt the feeling that ive found my soulmate, but its healthy and ideal, strong, and exciting. i can get fairly insecure in the courting stage of a relationship, and i am a little in these dreams, but i enjoy the chase where i dont really enjoy chasing in real life.

im not sure that the details of the dreams are very important beyond them involving the courting stage of a relationship; that always varies (it has never involved the same girl twice), and that is always where the dreams end. the girls in the dreams dont seem to have overlapping qualities. perhaps interestingly, i very rarely wake up and remember the name or identifying details of the girl, though last nights girl was named "lexi" (i knew her last name but since forgot it) and the girl from the first dream was named "debbie".

im always wary of dream interpretation (especially since most of my dreams are not of the common variety, and they dont tend to include much in the way of symbolism), though ive come across legitimate dream exploration a few times, and i have learned and experienced that recurring dreams can be resolved. i guess thats what im seeking to do here; i also know the posters on this board are pretty well versed in legitimate dream exploration.

the most obvious interpretation, i suppose, would be that im lonely. that doesnt feel like a good fit or explanation, especially given ive had these dreams since i can remember. i have no interest or ability right now in finding a partner, though im aware im likely dealing with unconscious stuff, and its worth noting i dont recall ever having these dreams when ive been in a relationship.

anyway, before i wrote this i did a brief google search and didnt find much on the subject. there was a not very insightful reddit thread so im sure these dreams arent uncommon. maybe they arent a bad thing, either, in that im envisioning something healthy and ideal, but as i stated, they are painful to wake up from, and weigh on me.

at this point i would like to either resolve them, realize what they are trying to tell me (probably not the obvious), and/or stop having them. i would appreciate any insight into the matter, and am happy to provide more detail where i can. thank you in advance!

[joeramabeme]

Hi Once Removed

Great post, always interesting to hear people share their dreams.  unfortunately, I don't have anything concrete on dream interpretation.  But I can share a quick thought and a story that may or may not be useful.

The quick thought was in regards to your comment; "the most obvious interpretation, i suppose, would be that im lonely. that doesnt feel like a good fit or explanation".  That was not my first thought when I read your dream.  My gut feeling from reading your dream was that you wanted a special connection that you felt valued with.  Not sure if that resonates for you, but that was my knee-jerk thought.

The story part of my response is about two recurring dreams I had since early childhood through my late 40's that ended during my marriage (but before the marriage ended).  

1) I am in the backseat of a car and no one is driving.  No matter how hard I try I cannot reach the pedals or the steering wheel and the dream ends just before a crash.  

2) My family is sitting at the dinner table and a volcanoes lava flow is gushing towards the house.  I frantically jump up and warn everyone to run.  My family stares blankly back at me and says there is nothing to worry about and to sit down.  I run away and they all die.

The ending of these recurrences was a few years ago when my T pointed out, and got me believing, that maybe my gut intuitions about my marriage and FOO were correct and that the decisions I was making were spot on.  

I think my dreams are easy to interpret.  Perhaps if there is a kernel of understanding for your dreams it may be to look for something that is causing you angst that matches off well with the content of the dream?  In both my dreams, I see that there is a theme that mimicked my real life circumstances.  Perhaps that will spark something for you?

Best

JRB

[Herodias]

 I used to have dreams over and over and over when I was a lot younger… There was one where I would actually feel like I was having a dream within a dream, like yours. They seem to stop when the issues were resolved. And I agree some are based in what you are dealing with for real. Did they stop when you were in a relationship? Where might you have come up with the names? It seems to me you are having hopeful dreams of finding a partner/girlfriend/ relationship. Sometimes they can be about things you hear and are deep in your mind. I don't think it sounds like a bad dream. I had one that kind of came true and it stopped. It was not a good thing. Then I had a series of dreams that would continue like tv shows. They can be interesting... be glad they are not nightmares. I've been having allot of those lately about my exes. I don't think there is much you can do to stop them unless you concentrate on something else when you go to bed... .

[valet]

I think dreams like this are healthy and normal. I wouldn't try to dig too far into the nuts and bolts however. We can create problems for ourselves by thinking a bit too much. That's hard for obvious reasons. Ponder if you must.

Generally when I'm feeling subconsciously activated like this it's cause I don't have time for myself. I'm off kilter and need some grounding. For me, this is just a way of recognizing that I need to take a step or two back from life and give my brain sometime to work away on its own. I'd take some time off and just go pure leisure mode for a hot minute.

Are you working too much/spending a lot of time dealing with obligations and stuff?

Insight finds odd ways of being best served cold, if ya know what I mean.

[HurtinNW]

What I would focus on is how the dreams make you feel. I think it is the feeling of dreams that matter more than any literal images. Are the dreams giving you a feeling you are missing in your daily life? Is there a challenge they are hinting at you might want to pursue?

You mention wanting to chase in the dream. That can be chasing other goals, desires, or just that jubilation in life. Is the feeling of excitement in the dream something you are missing?

I think recurring dreams resolve when whatever the life issue is resolves. I had ongoing dreams that ended the moment I resolved an issue. I'm a huge dreamer too, with very vivid dreams. Lately I've been dreaming about running into my ex in public and raging at him, even spitting in his face, all stuff I would never do. I know exactly what that is about, my anger!

But for years I had a more subtle but frightening dream of an arid, rocky planet covered in rolling streams of blood. I was trying to make my way out, always stepping in the blood, only to find there more and more of the same. There was a serene, cold, dry beauty about the place, and the sky was beautiful. It was a long time before I confronted my abuse history enough to realize the bloody world was my family, the blood I was stepping in was the pain I was always experiencing in their world, the sky my escape. When I cut off contact with my family the dream stopped.

[once removed]

thank you all, very much. this kind of insight is exactly why i posted here

jrb, yes, your gut reaction resonated. i strongly suspected none of this is about the surface stuff, but thats usually about all i can see when it comes to dreams. thing is i do and have had special connections with which i felt valued. the relationships in the dreams also dont tend to get very deep either, just the courting stage of a relationship, little to no focus on developing a friendship... .which is the kind of thing i value in a romantic relationship. i say that, but in the dream its very natural, like this is how things are supposed to develop, as opposed to my past relationships or almost relationships.

why do you think your dreams ended during your marriage, but just before it ended (the interpretations are not obvious to me either)? i have had a few other recurring dreams in my life, none as long as this one, but i have found that resolution tends to occur for me when i find some explanation, like your T offered. i had one where id lose all sense of balance. in some cases it was as if i was walking through molasses. in others, id start sliding all over the room, as if someone was physically shaking it up. thats apparently a common one, and when i read the explanation (more or less that i felt either stuck or out of control) i never had one again.

as far as whats causing me angst, its hard to pinpoint anything in particular since theyve occurred all of my life, but you got me thinking about something HurtinNW touched on, and ill elaborate on, the angst/feelings within and/or after the dreams.

blue, yes, as far as i can recall i dont seem to have these dreams when im in a relationship. its a little hard to tell, because outside of my uBPDex, i havent had a long relationship, and these dreams are only very occasional. hard to say where i came up with the names. ive had this dream a hundred or more times, and im not sure whether i usually dont learn the name, or i simply dont remember it. i know several years ago i started thinking to myself "if only i could remember that kind of detail", so maybe i started to. i dont know a "lexi" or a "debbie". for that matter i dont know any girls like the ones in my dreams, nor do they seem to have anything in particular in common with each other. for what its worth, i kind of enjoy nightmares! i like a thrill, and they get my imagination going in ways that say, a horror movie cant. nightmares about exes are a bit different of course. i had them about my uBPDex too, and those thankfully went away when i learned they were a common reaction to trauma. explanation is usually enough for me to resolve recurring dreams.

valet, i would agree the dreams seem healthy and normal, except that theyre incredibly depressing to wake up from and realize they arent real. it can weigh on me for the rest of the day. i dont have that feeling with any other kind of dream. so while i enjoy them while they occur, they are more trouble than theyre worth. as for working too much/dealing with obligations, good question. on the contrary though, i cant currently work and could use more obligations in my life, plus the dreams are life long. it would be really difficult for me to discern if there is a particular trigger behind them though i wouldnt be surprised if there were.

HurtinNW, great questions. the most obvious and palpable feeling is how often during the dreams i wonder if im dreaming or if they are real and of course im incredibly disappointed to find out im dreaming. that feeling goes all the way back to the very first one. the attachment may not get that deep, but its there so there are feelings of loss. you mention a challenge, and that probably speaks to a lot of it. at twenty nine, i havent had that many relationships, and only a few since i graduated high school. since about fifth grade or middle school ive struggled with confidence, and i generally dont approach women the old fashioned way. that bugs me. i could have had a lot more romance in my life, and my only relationships were with girls i had (accurate) misgivings about. it isnt so much that i want to chase, but that these romances "feel right", i have the confidence and self assuredness (along with reasonable anxieties everyone has) so i do find it enjoyable, as opposed to the insecurity and self doubt that has plagued me in the courting stages in real life. more or less, the dreams seem to play out the kind of love life ive always wanted. probably, when put that way, im getting somewhere  .

its also fun to discuss dreams with all of you. i rarely remember my dreams, but the ones i do tend to be extremely vivid, and not of the common variety. i think video games and computer games shaped the "world" i tend to dream in, and theres usually nothing to reflect on except how cool they were to explore. these dreams though, are far more normal and straight forward, little if any surrealism. i wish i had more details, or that the most recent one was fresher in my mind, or even that i could track the extent to which theyve evolved (not much). theyre pretty straight forward: meet a girl i take a liking to, pursue her, she takes a liking to me, i court her (and yes, i do most of the courting), dream ends in the middle of that. i have a strong feeling if i had that in my life i wouldnt dream about it. the only thing that throws me is that the first dream was about a friend, nothing romantic. at the time i had plenty of female friends.

thank you all again, this really helped and i feel im getting somewhere.

[Herodias]

I will tell you my last dream. I dreamt that my ex-husband was kissing me in a dimly lit bedroom. There was porn on the television. My ex-boyfriend before him was there are said to me, "Gee, I didn't know you were like that!"  Next thing I knew, the two of them were fighting. I woke up very afraid, because I think I felt they could have killed me or one another in the dream. I was hyperventilating and crying when I woke up. It was very real. I had gone to bed with out my ambien. I tend to dream if I don't take it. I don't really like waking up from nightmares. I don't know what that dream meant other than I had two very scary people in my life over the last 18 years... the boyfriend was a drug addict and I had allot of bad situations with him as well. All of this has made me tough, but I know I am lucky to have come out alive. I think that is what my dream was telling me. I need to deal with why I was with the bf as well as the husband since the husband came along very quickly after the bf. In usual the usual NPD way... .get them when they are down. This is why it is so important to me to take time for myself now. I don't want to end up murdered. There are so many other peaceful ways to go,