Needing to vent some more

[Depression = 72% of members]

I feel like I'm on the verge of a breakdown, I'm just really struggling to contain myself at work today.

I got a message from the dentist, reminding me that my exSS7 is due for an appointment. I texted exBPDw's mom to let her know. She told me that my exSS7 is back with his mom now, but she'll give her the message.

Since I have exBPDw's phone blocked, she emailed. She said that exSS7 got a phone and an email account and she wanted to know if it was okay for him to text me. I said, of course it is! And that I'd love to hear from him.

I don't understand why she asks, as if I have decided I don't want to hear from him. She was the one who said that I can't be involved with him as long as I have her phone number blocked, knowing full well that her mother agrees to be the bridge between us.

Anyway, I'm so nervous. I love that I can speak to exSS7 again, but I worry that I will once again have to deal with exBPDw... .I can't tell if she's letting us talk over text because she genuinely wants us to maintain our relationship or if she's about to start trying to use me/try to hurt me with it. With any other human, I'd know that they want their child to be happy, but with her I just sense a trap. How sad is that?

I hate all of this so fu##ing much. I miss my exstepson so much, and it's really breaking my heart that I have to be so worried about talking to him. I think it's so messed up that she had him treat me like and call me dad while we were together, if she knew that if we ever broke up, she would take that away.

[thrownforaloop]

I feel like I'm on the verge of a breakdown, I'm just really struggling to contain myself at work today.

I got a message from the dentist, reminding me that my exSS7 is due for an appointment. I texted exBPDw's mom to let her know. She told me that my exSS7 is back with his mom now, but she'll give her the message.

Since I have exBPDw's phone blocked, she emailed. She said that exSS7 got a phone and an email account and she wanted to know if it was okay for him to text me. I said, of course it is! And that I'd love to hear from him.

I don't understand why she asks, as if I have decided I don't want to hear from him. She was the one who said that I can't be involved with him as long as I have her phone number blocked, knowing full well that her mother agrees to be the bridge between us.

Anyway, I'm so nervous. I love that I can speak to exSS7 again, but I worry that I will once again have to deal with exBPDw... .I can't tell if she's letting us talk over text because she genuinely wants us to maintain our relationship or if she's about to start trying to use me/try to hurt me with it. With any other human, I'd know that they want their child to be happy, but with her I just sense a trap. How sad is that?

I hate all of this so fu##ing much. I miss my exstepson so much, and it's really breaking my heart that I have to be so worried about talking to him. I think it's so messed up that she had him treat me like and call me dad while we were together, if she knew that if we ever broke up, she would take that away.

[Meili]

Man, I can only imagine how stressful that is. But, I'm glad to hear that you might have a chance to have contact with him that is separate from his mother.

She probably didn't know, or even consider, what she would do if you split up. pwBPD wear different masks based on the situation and their emotions at the time.

But, just like we'll never know why she asked if he could contact you, we'll never know why she did any of the other things that she (or anyone else for that matter) did. Questions like those keep us distracted and are a waste of time and energy.

Why are you nervous about talking to him?

[seenr]

I used to find that my ex's daughter would take on the emotions of her Mum. Well the daughter didn't do this, but the ex would tell me that she did.

Example: '!"£$ really wants to see you later, she is looking forward to seeing you all day'

or

'!"£$ hates your guts, she doesn't say it to you but I am sick of hearing it behind your back'.

I think if you miss this boy and want to keep a relationship going, it says a lot for you when he is not even your son, well done. Just don't be manipulated. Do your best for him and for you, I think if he likes you it speaks volumes about the impression you made on him.

Talks for sharing, this is a good topic.

[Wize]

I feel like I'm on the verge of a breakdown, I'm just really struggling to contain myself at work today.

I got a message from the dentist, reminding me that my exSS7 is due for an appointment. I texted exBPDw's mom to let her know. She told me that my exSS7 is back with his mom now, but she'll give her the message.

Since I have exBPDw's phone blocked, she emailed. She said that exSS7 got a phone and an email account and she wanted to know if it was okay for him to text me. I said, of course it is! And that I'd love to hear from him.

I don't understand why she asks, as if I have decided I don't want to hear from him. She was the one who said that I can't be involved with him as long as I have her phone number blocked, knowing full well that her mother agrees to be the bridge between us.

Anyway, I'm so nervous. I love that I can speak to exSS7 again, but I worry that I will once again have to deal with exBPDw... .I can't tell if she's letting us talk over text because she genuinely wants us to maintain our relationship or if she's about to start trying to use me/try to hurt me with it. With any other human, I'd know that they want their child to be happy, but with her I just sense a trap. How sad is that?

I hate all of this so fu##ing much. I miss my exstepson so much, and it's really breaking my heart that I have to be so worried about talking to him. I think it's so messed up that she had him treat me like and call me dad while we were together, if she knew that if we ever broke up, she would take that away.

Dang dude, you're on tricky ground.  I have 3 stbx stepchildren.  Wonderful, beautiful kids.  I miss them terribly.  But they're not my children and I have to accept that the kids and the stbx wife are a package deal.  They all come together.  To be involved with the kids will 100% absolutely mean being involved in the ex's life as well.  And I am not going to subject myself to that woman.  My ex is a toxic, manipulative, abusive b!tch and I want and need her far away from my life.  I feel bad for cutting myself out of her children's lives but they are her responsibility, not mine.  I have my own life to contend with.  

[thrownforaloop]

Man, I can only imagine how stressful that is. But, I'm glad to hear that you might have a chance to have contact with him that is separate from his mother.

She probably didn't know, or even consider, what she would do if you split up. pwBPD wear different masks based on the situation and their emotions at the time.

But, just like we'll never know why she asked if he could contact you, we'll never know why she did any of the other things that she (or anyone else for that matter) did. Questions like those keep us distracted and are a waste of time and energy.

Why are you nervous about talking to him?

Meili, that's a very good point--I'm giving too much credit, thinking that she thought into the future like that. True that she must not have considered the possibility back then.

I suppose worrying about it is a waste of time, but I can't help but to be on the defensive. Sometimes I literally start shaking when I hear from her--it's just so up and down and unpredictable with her that I can't know what to expect.

I'm nervous because it opens the door to her. Him having his own cellphone means that if she's ever in a downward swing and feels angry, she can pick it up and start texting me nasty things, knowing that I wouldn't block his number. I told her that I would block her if she didn't keep things SS7 related, but she continued to break that and would just rant about how awful I am/how depressed over us she was/etc. etc. Point is, she's unstable and this gives her access to me.

And Seenr, thanks for responding too. I'm sorry that your ex is projecting things onto her daughter. Do you still get to see her?

[seenr]

Maybe only when I collect my Son but she looks the other way. She thinks I abandoned her. She threatened suicide the night I left. But how could I stay? I had been attacked, she had seen it as had my Son. Kids don't need memories like that. So I left and came back, but by then my ex had made the decision to split and God knows what her daughter had heard by then.

Maybe, me being out of her life is good as it will bring some stability and less rowing.

And Seenr, thanks for responding too. I'm sorry that your ex is projecting things onto her daughter. Do you still get to see her?

[thrownforaloop]

Wize, you have some good points. On one hand, I know that it's not very realistic to be in her son's life for much longer, considering my ex's condition, but on the other hand... .I'm very worried about his happiness and well being.

I recently began speaking to my exBPDw's current boyfriend's ex (weird relationship, I know), and she told me that the guy my ex is currently moving in with doesn't like children. Which is very frightening, since her son will be moving in with them too. I worry that he will be a jerk or kick them to the street quickly, but I know that's not my problem to worry over. Ugh.

And Seenr, I'm sorry to hear about that relationship. That must be very difficult for you to have to see them so much. I do agree that when you're in that sort of situation, the only logical thing to do is leave. You can't sacrifice your mental health for someone who is mentally unwell. And maybe you're right, maybe not having someone for her mom to fight with will lead to an easier life. I'm sort of hoping the same thing about my exstepson--that with this distance, he'll have less stress. Who knows.