Let her ring go/magical thinking

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

This morning I was swimming in the ocean and I decided to slip her ring off my finger and into the waves. I felt ambivalent about it and looked for it after I did it, just in case I could find it again (hoping I could). I couldn't.

Later on, she texted me-- the first contact in a few days. We were having a nice text chat, and then she told me that she had something to tell me... .that she had started seeing someone else (and had been for the past few weeks).

The magical thinking part of me links the ring to the news... .like somehow I caused the news with the letting go of the ring. Or maybe it IS all cosmically connected-- maybe we are meant to let each other go like this.

I don't feel too bad about the news somehow-- the new woman seems like she is nice, and might be more stable for my BPD ex than I was able to be (I travel a lot for work and for my kids-- it always was very hard for her). I do feel kind of bad about the timing-- we broke up during the first weekend of June, and then saw each other the next weekend, so it pretty much means that she started dating her right after we broke up. She broke up with me saying that she did not want to be in a committed relationship with anyone, but then started this pretty much right away. Oh well.

[kc sunshine]

This morning I was swimming in the ocean and I decided to slip her ring off my finger and into the waves. I felt ambivalent about it and looked for it after I did it, just in case I could find it again (hoping I could). I couldn't.

Later on, she texted me-- the first contact in a few days. We were having a nice text chat, and then she told me that she had something to tell me... .that she had started seeing someone else (and had been for the past few weeks).

The magical thinking part of me links the ring to the news... .like somehow I caused the news with the letting go of the ring. Or maybe it IS all cosmically connected-- maybe we are meant to let each other go like this.

I don't feel too bad about the news somehow-- the new woman seems like she is nice, and might be more stable for my BPD ex than I was able to be (I travel a lot for work and for my kids-- it always was very hard for her). I do feel kind of bad about the timing-- we broke up during the first weekend of June, and then saw each other the next weekend, so it pretty much means that she started dating her right after we broke up. She broke up with me saying that she did not want to be in a committed relationship with anyone, but then started this pretty much right away. Oh well.

[kc sunshine]

Also, how did you all feel after letting go of your rings, etc.? Relieved? Ambivalent? Free? Regretful?

[Mutt]

I had a lot of mixed feelings about our wedding ring. I kept mine because I hate throwing things out I felt sadness because of how our marriage failed I felt anger because of how my ex broke our wedding vows. It felt good to take the ring off because the marriage symbolized something different for me than what it meant for my ex wife. In the end, our naroals and vaues were different, we really weren't good for each other. I was relieved to take the ring off.

[myself]

Also, how did you all feel after letting go of your rings, etc.? Relieved? Ambivalent? Free? Regretful?

I took mine off about two years ago. Felt pretty sad about it at the time. It seemed like breaking a bunch of promises, but needed to be done to help me accept, grieve, and move on. For quite a while I could still feel on my finger where it had been, and still do on occasion.

[sflearnignbpd]

I lost my ring right when things started to get bad.  I have looked for it, but it has not turned up in the last 6 months.  It felt like a sign when I lost it, since things were basically over.  She may have taken it, but I will never know.

[Xstang77]

My ex and I were engaged in the winter of 14-15 she broke it off,the multiple times she's come back she would ask for it back,the last time she just took it on her own and was wearing it,she also set it down on the table along with the key this last time she left to further bury the dagger in my heart,the other day she was here it was the first thing she checked for and found in a drawer,I've been tempted to go throw it in the river,I still may.

[Leonis]

My ex actually bought the ring off of me. Keeping it in a box in her drawer. Why? Who knows.

She claims that she just likes it.