I am about 3 months out of a 10 year 'marriage' to an uBPD. I left because of verbal and physical abuse to me and our 3 children. He is holding everything I own and will not let me have anything but my clothes (and nothing of the children's). He has also called the child abuse hotline on me at least 5 times that I know of since I left, but in the end I think that backfired and he may be in trouble for grabbing my 14 year old daughter. The case is pending with the prosecutor (witnesses reported it to the police - not me as I was not present when it happened).
I have been NC for 3 weeks now. I feel like I am fighting drug addiction! It is hard to stop thinking of the good times, forgiving the bad, and wanting to help him. I was doing pretty well (hadn't burst into tears in a few days
until this morning. First I got an email letting me know we have a court date Sept. 19, then a text from the visitation supervisor. I am terrified of going to court. I had a nightmarish court experience a few years back and I get a tight chest and cry even after talking to my lawyer, who is amazing and supportive. I somehow have to be strong and unemotional for this and I don't really know how to do that!
Then the visitation supervisor asked if I could take the children to see him at our home. I have never talked to her alone; he is always there so she has only heard his side of things. Since I left, every time he is around the children, he talks and talks about them coming back to our home. Tells them my new place is not their home. I am not sure how they feel about going back, but I will talk to them this morning. It will be very hard for me. I worked hard finding the home and buying it, fixing it up, planting a huge garden and orchard, building fences for our animals, etc. and everything I own is there and he won't let me have any of it. Since we weren't legally married, I have no right to any of it. I was a stay at home mom, so I didn't financially participate. I know I will have to take the children there at some point, but I guess I thought I had a little time before that would happen.
I will talk to my counselor tomorrow afternoon and that may help. But I thought you all have likely dealt with similar issues and may have some supportive ideas.
