Intense / strange dreams involving BPD exgf

[pjstock42]

Only about 3 weeks out from the shock breakup / surprise discard and only for the last few nights have I been having very intense dream involving my BPD ex gf.

Last night I woke up 3 separate times then laid in bed sleeplessly for the rest of the night, I don't remember the exact specifics of the dreams but they were the kind that jolt you awake due to their intensity. I do know that none of them have been dreams where we are together & happy and then I wake up alone, I am thankful for that because I think those would be the most jarring.

The majority of them seem to involve her leaving in some way. Even though in reality, she left without any warning and moved out while I was at work - one of my recent dreams was that she had dumped me but still lived with me in another room of the apartment for a couple of weeks. I remember constantly going into the other room to find her and trying to beg her to stay & I remember her actually leaving. Maybe this is my mind trying to place the square peg of the shock breakup and the confusion it caused into the round hole of how a normal breakup would unfold? I really don't know but the dreams have been very powerful and I'm hoping that they either discontinue or lessen in intensity.

What kind of dreams have others here experienced regarding their BPD ex post-discard?

[Confused99]

 I experience the same thing almost nightly. Every single dream is us fighting or me trying to get her back. It's terrible. Because then it ruins my whole day. I think a lot of it has to do that I keep looking at her social media. Because then she's in my head before I go to sleep. But I feel for you it's crazy

[Ripples]

This is perfectly normal and is your sub-conscious mind trying to rationalise things. Unfortunately, it will be difficult for your sub-conscious mind to rationalise something that can't be rationalised at this stage so the tape will get replayed.

Many years after my relationship I had very vivid dreams about me looking for her in the town that she lives. Of course, I never found her. It still happens occasionally.

The important thing is to remember that they are only dreams despite the pain and confusion they create. In time, as you heal they will subside and disappear forever - I hope!

[gotbushels]

What kind of dreams have others here experienced regarding their BPD ex post-discard?

Post-separation I had about two dreams where I was managing her dysregulation within the few months afterward. That's about it I think. I didn't write them down so I forgot the dreams, but I remember waking up from at least two. I think if you've been seriously enmeshed, your mind and body will take some time to realise the thing / person you were enmeshed to is gone.

I remember one of the dreams occurred on a day where I sat down to sort out what happened months later, so I think my brain decided to generate something in my sleep based on my thoughts on that day, which is normal. I felt well separated by that point so the dream wasn't a big deal. If anything, it reminded me that I still consider being around her a "nightmare" enough to cause me to wake up despite a good amount of emotional detachment

[pjstock42]

I just remembered one of the dreams from last night that shocked me into being awake.

I don't know the specifics of it but it was very much tied to feelings of anger/revenge, which is odd because I haven't felt those feelings in this process yet. I do know that anger is a stage in the healing process so maybe my subconscious is getting there before my conscious is? The dream involved sending a lot of vitriolic texts to my ex and it was so real that I woke up feeling a deep sense of regret and had to check my phone immediately to see if it really happened (it didn't, thankfully).

I've never been a person to hold anger or resentment towards anyone in my life and have no burned bridges in my past because I think that's important. However; I've never been subjected to this kind of traumatic situation before so perhaps these are feelings that I've just never been pushed towards experiencing because nothing has ever affected me to such a deep level.

It's a bit of a scary situation to be in, knowing that I either won't be able to sleep and that if I can, I will be haunted by these incredibly vivid dreams that seem like reality. I'm hoping that this is just my brain working through processing the situation and that eventually this will ease up.

[drained1996]

I don't have answers on your dreams and what they mean... .all I know is, it's part of your process.  Don't dig too deep for answers involving her and you, focus on yourself.  It's ok to feel anger, it's ok to be scared of your past choices, it's ok to question yourself and how you got where you were.  You also need to know, you are doing very well in a time of turmoil, and your experiences are normal with the trauma you have faced.  You have our empathy... .we know the pain.