She did say she was BPD at the beginning

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Thanks fromheel. It took me a day-long attempt to reply to you by expanding on the above. I went from creative writing to collecting reviews about my work in an attempt to answer until I realized that what you were saying is something that I've been reading on this boards for 7 months now, and it also became my "mantra" 4 months ago (what pushed me to come back to the forums and be active was a recent recycle).

... .which basically boils down to this (again -- as many have said before): It doesn't matter if they're borderline or not, "high-functioning" or clinically BPD, if they have most of the traits and symptoms to only some. The fact of the matter is that their inexplicable behavior is unacceptable, no matter what the label, and that it has a specific effect on people. It personally left me dealing with feelings of betrayal, abandonment, confusion, anger, anxiety, depression and whatever else I can't connect to now.

Sure, coming on this site cleared away the confusion, since the behavior is specific and there's a pattern. It helped understand that there's method to the madness. Yet the behavior, no matter what the excuse, had a certain undesirable effect on me, and brought with it a lot of pain.

Therefore, what matters now is what is left. Namely, recognizing behaviors I don't like, behaviors that make me feel emotional pain, and steering clear of them. Whether they come with an abundance of whatever traits, if there is no communication or progress in a relationship, then there is no point in actually working on it no matter what psychiatrists label certain conditions or behaviors.

Having said that, I also want to point out that learning about this behavior and "what makes it tick" has other benefits, as well. My attempt was to learn from this experience and build up newer and stronger coping mechanisms, be able to approach people in different ways, and generally be more socially adjustable.

This is the reason I was trying to dig even deeper into this. The list of bad behavior may be long, but there is also a long list of survival traits there that are worthy of studying.

I hope we are on the same page on this, and thanks for your question. It took me a whole productive day to solve.

[hollow]

Thanks fromheel. It took me a day-long attempt to reply to you by expanding on the above. I went from creative writing to collecting reviews about my work in an attempt to answer until I realized that what you were saying is something that I've been reading on this boards for 7 months now, and it also became my "mantra" 4 months ago (what pushed me to come back to the forums and be active was a recent recycle).

... .which basically boils down to this (again -- as many have said before): It doesn't matter if they're borderline or not, "high-functioning" or clinically BPD, if they have most of the traits and symptoms to only some. The fact of the matter is that their inexplicable behavior is unacceptable, no matter what the label, and that it has a specific effect on people. It personally left me dealing with feelings of betrayal, abandonment, confusion, anger, anxiety, depression and whatever else I can't connect to now.

Sure, coming on this site cleared away the confusion, since the behavior is specific and there's a pattern. It helped understand that there's method to the madness. Yet the behavior, no matter what the excuse, had a certain undesirable effect on me, and brought with it a lot of pain.

Therefore, what matters now is what is left. Namely, recognizing behaviors I don't like, behaviors that make me feel emotional pain, and steering clear of them. Whether they come with an abundance of whatever traits, if there is no communication or progress in a relationship, then there is no point in actually working on it no matter what psychiatrists label certain conditions or behaviors.

Having said that, I also want to point out that learning about this behavior and "what makes it tick" has other benefits, as well. My attempt was to learn from this experience and build up newer and stronger coping mechanisms, be able to approach people in different ways, and generally be more socially adjustable.

This is the reason I was trying to dig even deeper into this. The list of bad behavior may be long, but there is also a long list of survival traits there that are worthy of studying.

I hope we are on the same page on this, and thanks for your question. It took me a whole productive day to solve.

[fromheeltoheal]

I hope we are on the same page on this, and thanks for your question. It took me a whole productive day to solve.

Nice hollow!  And you did solve it, a sea change, and good for you!

Having said that, I also want to point out that learning about this behavior and "what makes it tick" has other benefits, as well. My attempt was to learn from this experience and build up newer and stronger coping mechanisms, be able to approach people in different ways, and generally be more socially adjustable.

This is the reason I was trying to dig even deeper into this. The list of bad behavior may be long, but there is also a long list of survival traits there that are worthy of studying.

Yes, and that can be considered one of the gifts of the relationship.  As I detached from my ex, in part by learning about the disorder and other disorders, it had a ripple effect through my whole life, I looked at all of my relationships differently, for the better.  We can go too far down the path of personality disorders and see them in everyone, it's a continuum after all, but with time and tempering we get a better appreciation and awareness of what "makes people tick", which only helps us moving forward, a benefit of our time spent in borderline school.

[Dutched]

 Skip,

Some delay because of the time difference.

Thanks for replying and the extra explanation.
It’s really appreciated.

Dutched

[Lucky Jim]

a benefit of our time spent in borderline school.

Hey fromHtoH, "borderline school"!  I like that    Yes, it's a crucible for learning about oneself.

LuckyJim