Over my Head

[Lumen]

my mom and i have been on our own a long time... .
we have become very close but our relationship has become more and more difficult.
   
 BPD has not been officially diagnosed yet but we have talked with several doctors all of which are quite sure that this is what she has, but it seems clear she has had this for a rather long time. growing up i wouldn't have seen any of the things that happened as being out of the ordinary because for me it had become the norm, but now looking back i relies just how much my life differed from that of my peers.
   
  my mom also suffers from severe physical disability and sometimes the line between the two is rather hard to spot. i want to help her all i can when she hurts and i want to be able to make her feel better when she is upset but i dont know how to do this, i know i fall short again and again but she thinks i do it on porpuse or that i just dont care enough to be bothered. this is far from true but she still thinks i am trying to hurt and abandon her.

  she has had many unstable relationships and we have moved many times each time the number of people around us goes down more and more it has now reached the point that it is only the two of us. sometimes i want to reach out and try to be a part of the world again but i dont know how to without my mom feeling that i am somehow turning against her, i love her so much. im trying to find help for her too but often even that gets misinterpreted. she is so depressed at home but puts on a different face when we go out, i try to tell the doctors that its a mask but either they dont care or they think i am just another millennial who doesn't know how to cope with life

[Mutt]

Hi Lumen,



I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a difficult time. I would feel emotionally and physically exhausted when whatever you do for a loved one that suffers from BPD is never good enough, it's hard on your mental health amd self esteem.

I'm also sorry to hear about your mom and that she has nobody left but you, that's very sad but if she is not taking care of her depression and going to therapy for her disorder, you're not responsible for her feelings ir anyone for that mater that suffers from mental illness is doesn't suffer from mental illness's. Doing a lot of self care is good, what do you like to do for self care? Do you have someone in real life that is nonjudgmental and supportive?

You'll find many members here that can relate with you and offer you guidance and support. You're not alone.

she is so depressed at home but puts on a different face when we go out, i try to tell the doctors that its a mask but either they dont care or they think i am just another millennial who doesn't know how to cope with life

You shouldn't have to defend or justify your mothers behavior. Are they not compassionate because your mom is not diagnosed?

[Naughty Nibbler]

HI LUMEN:   

I'd like to join Mutt in welcoming you!  I'm so sorry about your situation with your mom.  It can be alarming when we realize that "our normal" isn't normal.

How significant is your mom's physical disability?  Is she able to work?  Does her disability necessitate that she can't live alone?

It must be very lonely, without anyone other than your mother in your life.  Are you able to meet friends at school or work that you can socialize with?

she is so depressed at home but puts on a different face when we go out, i try to tell the doctors that its a mask but either they don't care or they think i am just another millennial who doesn't know how to cope with life

Sometimes, privacy laws can get in the way, when family members try to talk to doctors about relatives.  Is your mom getting any treatment for depression at the current time, or has she convinced the doctors that she is okay?

It is common for people to avoid treatment that they really need.  Unfortunately, many don't want prompting from a family member.  The only thing you can do is to set some boundaries for you.

What are you doing to take care of your well being?  Any hobbies, sports, exercise?