Learning not to take things personally

[mother in law]

I think at last I have learned to ignore and and find some humour in the bizarre comments that are made about me by ex dil and I feel much better.

Exdil created a story after she had punched my son (her ex). First it was I hit her father (!). He is much smaller than me and does not speak the same language and I have only ever seen him about 8 times as we don't live in the same country. I might note that we caught her hitting her father on one occasion.

 The story then changed to I hit her at my home when the 1st was disbelieved. This weekend it has evolved more to I hit her after my mothers funeral  (overseas) and my sister and brother in law  are witnesses. Bizarre!

I was very upset with the 1st and second story but the 3rd I could see the humour. I think after about 4 years she is no longer getting to me. I guess the moral of the story is with time and education  I have learned it's  not my problem but hers and don't take it personally. Just change and help the things/persons you can (like my gd) and move past those you can't.

I hope I stay like this!

[Naughty Nibbler]

HI MOTHER IN LAW:   

Thanks for sharing.  I'm so glad that you are able to accept the situations and not take them personal.  Finding a little humor along the way is probably as good as it gets, . 

I'm so sorry about the loss of your mother.

[ArleighBurke]

I'd love to record all my conversations. Then, later, i could play them all back at the same time and hear the differences! It would be funny... .and sad.

When you think about it, it's an AMAZING defence coping skill.

[HappyChappy]

I have learned it's  not my problem but hers and don't take it personally. Just change and help the things/persons you can (like my gd) and move past those you can't.

That's the nub of it right there. I’m please to see you can see the funny side, and that you’re such a big hit with your DIL.

[Fie]

Hello Mother in law 

Thanks for sharing this ! Do you have any tips for us, on how you got that amazing quality of letting it be her problem ?
I am more and more getting there, but sometimes I do still get defensive. So any help is welcome !

[mother in law]

Thank you for your replies. I guess for me it is a bit like the 5 stages of grief. Denial when they were still married ie i didn't believe it could really be happening. Anger when i learned what she was saying about me and had done to my son and gd. Bargaining with her to stop it (and that was never going to happen). Depression at the situation and now acceptance that i can't change it.  I also found you have to do these stages in your own time and no one can push you forward (my husband tried).

As for tips i guess i have a black sense of humour from my former job as an oncology nurse  (you needed it to survive). I also took the decision  after quite a while that she is destroying  herself, she nearly destroyed  my son and she is doing her best to destroy  my gd but i am in control of me and she won't destroy me! I would rather be happy at this stage of my life than sad. Maybe you need to do the 5 stages of grief before you reach this.

You also need distance between them and yourself. And to be quite honest the stories became more and more far fetched and were laughable. You also know the truth so hang onto that, their truth is never necessarily  going to be your truth.

I still shake my head in disbelief  at her antics and i will help my gd as much as i can but unless she wants to help her self i can't change anything. 

I hope this helps.