Movies

[Our abuse recovery guide]

Howdy bpdfamily,

I'm someone who has seen the light and has moved to essentially NC (no-contact for new members), and occasionally gets these flashbacks or surprising emotions.

I've noticed in particular when watching movies.  Tangled (Disney's Rapunzel) in particular struck a nerve.  When Mother Gotha (the evil kidnapper) is talking to the grown up Rapunzel, a lot of the things she says and does were things I heard from my mother growing up.  Things like insulting me and then, after I reacted negatively in some way, saying "I'm just kidding!" and then going on to berate me for not being able to take a joke.

More subtle things also happen.  I'm sure I'm not the first BPD child survivor to have felt great affinity for Neo discovering the truth in The Matrix, or Harry Potter discovering the truth in the books/movies.  The Truman show in particular stands out.

I have to say, I'm kind of drawn to movies in which the way the world is presented to the main character is actually a fraud.  I wonder sometimes is this because it's my own story?  The world presented to me was largely built on lies and manipulation, and I finally discovered the truth.

The parallels between the Matrix and my life are fascinating.  When Neo asks Morpheus if he can go back into the matrix, Morpheus says "No.  But would you want to?"  In the same way, an ever tinier part of me wishes to be back in the bliss of obliviousness, but I know I would never want to go back to that enslavement, no matter how difficult the journey has been.

What I like about these movies and others like them is when the protagonist fight through the lies and the system and break through into the real world.  (I guess everybody likes those moments.)  I find at those moments, my journey has been affirmed, and though they are all fiction, I kind of find a kind of anonymous shared experience of defiance and discovery, and the whole journey doesn't feel quite so lonely.

I wonder if any others who have/had BPD parents have the same reactions to movies?

JTC

[joinedtheclub]

Howdy bpdfamily,

I'm someone who has seen the light and has moved to essentially NC (no-contact for new members), and occasionally gets these flashbacks or surprising emotions.

I've noticed in particular when watching movies.  Tangled (Disney's Rapunzel) in particular struck a nerve.  When Mother Gotha (the evil kidnapper) is talking to the grown up Rapunzel, a lot of the things she says and does were things I heard from my mother growing up.  Things like insulting me and then, after I reacted negatively in some way, saying "I'm just kidding!" and then going on to berate me for not being able to take a joke.

More subtle things also happen.  I'm sure I'm not the first BPD child survivor to have felt great affinity for Neo discovering the truth in The Matrix, or Harry Potter discovering the truth in the books/movies.  The Truman show in particular stands out.

I have to say, I'm kind of drawn to movies in which the way the world is presented to the main character is actually a fraud.  I wonder sometimes is this because it's my own story?  The world presented to me was largely built on lies and manipulation, and I finally discovered the truth.

The parallels between the Matrix and my life are fascinating.  When Neo asks Morpheus if he can go back into the matrix, Morpheus says "No.  But would you want to?"  In the same way, an ever tinier part of me wishes to be back in the bliss of obliviousness, but I know I would never want to go back to that enslavement, no matter how difficult the journey has been.

What I like about these movies and others like them is when the protagonist fight through the lies and the system and break through into the real world.  (I guess everybody likes those moments.)  I find at those moments, my journey has been affirmed, and though they are all fiction, I kind of find a kind of anonymous shared experience of defiance and discovery, and the whole journey doesn't feel quite so lonely.

I wonder if any others who have/had BPD parents have the same reactions to movies?

JTC

[HappyChappy]

I'm someone who has seen the light and has moved to essentially NC... .

I wonder if any others who have/had BPD parents have the same reactions to movies?

Hi Joinedtheclub.

Certainly do have this reaction to some movies. The Matrix is a good example. For me it was George Orwell’s Animal Farm and 1984. They both used narcissistic trickery to keep the masses in their places. Room 101 holding your worst fear, big brother watching your every move. Who could Trump that ?

On another topic how is your NC going ?

HC

[joinedtheclub]

Hi HappyChappy,

Sorry for the delay in response.

It's close to NC, but not fully complete (yet).

But during those long stretches without any contact, life is very good.

Thanks!

JTC

[Naughty Nibbler]

Hey joinedtheclub:   

The pwBPD in my life is my sister.  We are currently only in contact via lawyers, while settling the final portions of our deceased parent's trust.

I don't have a movie that I relate to, but I've gained some enjoyment from the recent remake of the song, "The Sound of Silence" by Disturbed.  It puts an interesting emotional spin to the old Simon & Garfunkel song.

[isilme]

I have yet to see Tangled, but have heard it highlights a lot of BPD-mother behavior. 

I'm not sure what you mean about finding out the truth, unless you mean the revelation that no, you were just a child thrust into an unhealthy environment by chance and things you wre told aren't necesarialy true or reliable.  I knew growing up my dad had been diagnosed manic depressed, and later mom was bi polar.  That still did not help reveal anyhting to me until my break through crises in my 30s, when things pieced together more and more.  But I guess for me it was never an "Ah HA!" moment, but a slow awakening, over days weeks, and years. 

Usually what would resonate most with me were movies and TV portraying healthy families, or very unhealthy ones - the ones showing bad things made me feel guilty for seeing similarities with my home life, while the others were perplexing and made me sad for not having that.  I'd watch and get confused as a kid, and then, as I got older and saw more and more of how other kids were treated by their parents, I realized something was rotten at home. The more my friends have kids, and the older the kids get, the more I see how age-inapproprite my life was.  I was parentified to a high degree.

I did not have any super feelings of empathy with Neo, but from the books DID felt a super strong affinity with Harry Potter.  Like, strong.  I know everyone identifies with harry - he's the protagonist, but really, feeling only like yourself at school, even if school had you challenged by bullies and mean teachers, feelings like you need to stay in your room making no noise, and pretend not to exist, feelings lost and a little sad when a friend's parent is nice to you (how do I react to this?).  I've had several Mrs. Weaslys in my life, and many offered for me to live with them but I had no clue why.  I'd thought I was adept at hiding the crazy, but my own weird reactions even as a teenager apparently were a tip off to my friends' parents.  The uncomforatble final exchange with Aunt Petunia and Harry, unable to say goodbye, knowing this was the last time they'd see each other and that they SHOULD feel more about it was about like my NC with both of my parents, and prety much my FOO (as little as I knew it in the first palce)

Sara Crew from a Little Princess, again the book more so than the movies, triggered a feeling of "yes, this is what I understand". 

Sorry you and your sister have to go NC and have to use attorneys.  I know it's not easy, but I also know it's needed to get that out of your life.

[HappyChappy]

Hi HappyChappy,
Sorry for the delay in response.

Hey JTC, long time. Good to see you back. Nice to hear you’ve made progress. I think other forum folk will be encouraged by that. Thanks for sharing.

Following on from Isilme, the three most common movie references to a BPD childhood I’ve seen are the Matrix, Wizard of Oz and Alice in Wonderland.

Netflixs has just added "Mummy Dearest", which was written by Joan Crawford's Daughter Christina about her uBPD/Narcissistic mother. Christina was a pioneer in building awareness.  

[Pilpel]

Joined the club, that is so interesting that The Matrix struck a nerve with you.  The BPD in my life is my sister-in-law.  She does have some similarities with my own mother, and I did grow up feeling like my parents were different and I was constantly invalidated by my parents.  But my BPD SIL is on a completely different level of dysfunction.  There are a few movies that I find interesting because I recognize the characters as BPD:  Charlize Theron in Young Adult, and Kristen Wigg in Welcome to Me in particular.  My SIL has an obsession with swans, so when Kristen Wigg came out sitting on a big giant swan I burst out laughing.

A couple years ago I went through the whole Columbo series with Peter Falk.  I was addicted to it.  And halfway through I realized that the reason why I was enjoying it so much was because the murderers all have clear BPD characteristics.  They think they're smarter than everyone else.  They manipulate, and try to avoid the truth.  But Columbo always finds the cracks in their lies and brings them to justice.  And the closer he gets to the truth, the more rattled they get.  I feel it's impossible to get my SIL to the truth.  So watching Columbo get to the truth through all the lies and manipulation is satisfying.

I grew up enjoying watching Anne of Green Gables on PBS.  But I recently tried to watch it with my kids, and I realized I didn't enjoy it anymore.  Now, after experiencing my BPD SIL, I find Anne Shirley a little bit too narcissistic and over dramatic, and I can't enjoy it any more. 

Also Blue Jasmine is also a very compelling look at a BPD character. And Cate Blanchet brings the same disturbed character to her portrayal of Cinderella's step mother in the recent Disney movie. 


 

[MKG1015]

I can't watch Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood. When Viv-y loses it and beats the kids and then runs out on the family. Admittedly my mother never hit us, but that scene is very reiminscent of how she would flip out and verbally beat the h@ll out of me. Plus the daughter mothers her and I was the parent in my home.

The worst part? I saw that movie in the theater with my mother! To this day she talks about how sad that movie is and how wrong it is that the daughter became the parent. This is usually my face: 

There are definitely some movies I veer away from for that reason. Still haven't made it through Mommy Dearest... .

[Needless2say]

I remember being in the theater with my teenager daughters seeing Tangled and thinking to myself--Wow, that sounds like Mom.  When we got to the car, my younger daughter said, O h my goodness, the Mother was just like Grandma!