7 months after break-up.

[Jeff26]

Hello everyone,

This is my first post here on these boards.

I have been poking around on here for the past 5 or so months.

Before I go into much detail about the experience that brought me here, first I just want to mention how wonderful it is to have a board like this.

My relationship with my ex "ended" in January of this year.

We had been together for just over a year.

After experiencing what I've gone through, and being aware that I am an insightful human; I believe that my ex has BPD. And I believe that I am on the spectrum of co-dependency.

Related key points about my past:

-My earliest memories occur after my parents divorced (I was 4)
-My mom re-married less than 1.5 years later to my current step father
-My father was a great guy, but an alcoholic.
-My parents got along "for the kids" and shared custody (weekends with dad)
-I will never forget the time my mother told me that my older brother and I were one of her biggest mistakes.
-My dad died when I was 17

Related key points that she told me about her past:

-Mother was and is very religious
-Father had issues with heroin
-Told me that she rebelled big time as a teenager
-She was pregnant at 20 years old.
-She broke up with the dad before she knew they were pregnant, he moved out of state, she has raised the child by herself ever since. (With help from her family)
-She also lives at home with her mom and grandmother and a few siblings.(She is 31)


I met her nearly 2 years ago. I can remember the night that her and I started talking, it is as fresh in my mind as if it had happened yesterday.

We had met a few weeks prior at a benefit that her friends and family were holding In memory of my ex's younger sister. Her sister had been involved in an abusive relationship and was murdered.

I worked with her brother in-law and was familiar with the situation. I too had recently experienced the loss of a sibling, my older brother commited suicide about 2 months before I met her.

I didn't know it at the time, but it was there that I first met the woman that I would eventually fall deeply in love with.

We talked everyday and hung out every weekend for two months when I finally asked her to be my girlfriend and told her that I loved her. She agreed and told me she loved me as well and made it Facebook official on the spot.
(It was less clinical and more romantic than I make it sound)

From then, her 9 yr old son, herself, and I hung out every week (I would go with them to his karate classes, we would go out to eat, watch movies together, etc... .)

Everything was great for the following 9 months. We went on a few vacations together, her son and I became best buds and we told each other we were "the one" and talked and said I love you multiple times a day.

Then something happened... .

We had a number of weddings to attend together in Sept. & October last year. The first of which she was the maid of honor in.

The first time I can remember feeling that something was different was the night before that first wedding at the rehearsal dinner. She didn't talk to me much and although she wasn't a cold b___ to me, she was lukewarm at best.

I confronted her about it and it was justified with having to do with the stress of the wedding, which seemed accurate, so I let it slide.

From that day on nothing was ever the same.

She quit her stable job of 2 years, wanted to dye her hair a crazy shade of grey/blue (I actually liked the color) and ended up taking a job that pays far less and with no benefits.

Where she used to hold holidays with me close to her heart, now there was no gift from her on our 1 year anniversary.

And she was now accusing me of being to forward about sex and not respecting her wishes. Also this is when she told me that she had been raped in her past.

She had told me about her abusive ex boyfriend from years back, but the rape aligations were new to me. She never clarified who raped her, just that it had happened.

At the end of October was the last wedding date that the two of us had.

That night at the wedding was the last night I saw her for 30+ days. She initiated wanting space because she claimed she didn't love herself and couldn't be there for me.

After being super confused, yet fully confident in the love that I had for her, I caved in to giving her space.

During the "space", she hid her relationship status on Facebook and went silent.

I initiated a conversation a few weeks later in a calm but sort of, what the f*ck type manner.

She said she needed more time and knew that it seemed confusing. I told her to just tell me it's over. She said she couldn't say those words.

After that, I got random texts from her that were flirty.

I ended up getting super fed up with this confusing manipulation, so I told her we need to talk face to face.

She agreed, we made plans. She got cold feet hours before.

I called her an ass for leading me on and then ditching me and she became submissive. She apoligized all over the place and made plans to meet face to face the following night.

We met, had dinner, caught up. And then sat in my car and had a real talk.

She told me she doesn't know what's wrong with her, but she feels empty and doesn't love herself and has been told by a number of professionals that she should seek consoling.

I told her that I was there for her and wanted what would be best for her and her son.

She said she wasn't sure if she could do therapy or consoling because "it would open up a can of worms."

We talked some more, admitted we still loved each other and continued to be on those terms for about a month until Christmas came around.

On Christmas Eve, I went to her families house to exchange gifts with her and her son.

Then she told me that her gift for me didn't come in the mail yet and that I would get it in a few days.
That was the last time I saw her and her son.

She cancelled our New Year's Eve plans because "it was just another day to her."

That was the last straw of confusion for me so I didn't talk to her for 2 days.

Then I get a text saying "we don't work."
I told her to call me but she refused.
She said she wasn't made for relationships.
She deleted me from all social media then and there.
That was the "end" of our relationship.

A month and a half later she started flirting with a guy.

Dated shortly after.

Now 7 months since the break-up, today she became Facebook official with her new guy.

She has not once reached out to me.

It all feels so wrong.

[fromheeltoheal]

Hi Jeff26-

Welcome!  I'm sorry you're feeling what you are, it is very painful and confusing.  And unfortunately it is not unique around here, we've all been there and we understand.

It all feels so wrong.

Yes it does.  And now that you're here, there's grieving and processing to do, and there are a lot of resources on this site that can help make the confusion lessen, anyway, and you're not alone.

So it's been 7 months and she's with someone else, with no communication with you; apart from it feeling wrong, how are you feeling?

[drained1996]

 

Jeff26, I'm sorry you're having to go through this, but I'm happy you've found such a wonderful place that can help during this time.  I feel your pain, as I've had two BPD partner's in a row.  The resources and members on this site have been a great help in my process of recovery, as has been a professional therapist (T).  Have you thought of getting some professional help?
I'll urge you to continue to share your thoughts and feelings as sharing was a great way for me to work through issues and pain.  It's also a good idea to click around the lessons available such as those just to the right of this page, as well as the message board to see others in their journey.  We are here, you've found a wonderfully supportive family who understands what you are going through!   

[Mutt]

Hi Jeff26,



That is quite the story. I'd like to welcome you to bpdfamily. I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I can see how it would all feel wrong. I'm glad that you decided to join us after lurking the boards for a few months. It helps to talk to people that share similar experiences as you. She hasn't reach out to you. Have you been trying to get in touch with her? Are you done with the r/s?

[hergestridge]

It is awful to have to go through this. I cringe when I read it because I have been there done that.

Just consider this:

When she told you that she felt empty and didn't love herself - that was some very important information for you. My ex used to tell me the same thing and I just thought, well - noone is really empty inside. I thought it was just a feeling and at worst a lame excuse.

She is empty inside. There is not a stable persona there. You thought you loved her, but there is no permanent tennant in that house, do you realize that? I struggled for 20 years to get to know my ex, but she kept changing.

The thing with falling in love is that initially it's always an illusion at first. We think we know how this person so well, but we're just overtaken by the fact that this beautiful person who smells good wants to be with us. Roughly. Add good sex to that and it's sealed. It's not stupid, it's just how it works. After a few months we have start to get to know the person and we will have to learn to love a person with all faults and bruises. That's when a person with BPD fails. You peek inside to see who's inside there behind the cute, sexy facade. And they can't live up to expectations because they know it's just an empty room in there. Much easier for them to initiate something new and start all over.

It took me so many years to realize this, because I couldn't understand why she always changed her mind, always lost interest. Why the enthusiasm and love-bombing was always so unbearably, frustratingly temporary, irregular and unpredicteable. She was like one big wad of discontent whose only stable characteristic was her inability to leave me.

When I realized it there was a period of grieving before I could really accept and understand. You're there now. Take your time to grieve, but also understand that you are lucky in that you didn't end up in a stable relationship with this woman.

[Jeff26]

Thank you for the welcoming response.

I did reach out to her on Mother's Day.
I sent a Facebook message to her.

In the message I started by saying... ."Hey, I don't want this to seem like a crazy ex text, but I heard from some friends that they seen you at a wedding with another guy. I'll admit that it has been on my mind."

I went on to explain some of my behavior and statements that I made near the end of our relationship. (I was never once mean or degrading to her though)

Then I said "I hope you and your son are doing well and having a good Mother's Day together."

She responded fairly quickly (within an hour) saying "yeah that was me at the wedding. I probably looked rude by not saying hi to your friends but it was awkward I guess. It's great to hear that you're doing well. I don't have any negative feelings towards you, just so you know. I think you're a wonderful person and deserve all the happiness. Our monthers day is good, I'm going to a concert later. Thanks for the message have a great day."

I responded with "thanks for the reply, have fun tonight, be safe."

Then I ran into her a week and a half later at a mutual friends birthday party.

She was with her new guy.

I went up to her to break the ice and she looked like she had seen a ghost.
She reluctantly gave me a hug and quickly turned around.

I let it be.

Later in the night our paths crossed and I asked her if we could talk for a second.

She scowled at me and said firmly... ."not right now."

And that has been it regarding contact that we have had since the break up.


It did take her five months until she deleted the pictures of her son and I from Facebook.

It was right around the time of this contact that she deleted them.


I have seen a few of her siblings over the course of 7months. It has always been civil when I run into them, I've always loved her family and I get the same mutual love back.

Every time I see one of her family members, my gut instinct tells me that they think she ruined a good thing by leaving me.

Although I am not sure how she explained the break up to them, if she even explained it at all.



And I am only as done with the relationship as I can be.

I didn't want to break up, I do look back now and realize that it was needed in order for me to find out that something was extremely wrong.

Over the course of having to pick up the pieces to my own broken heart by myself with absolutely no closure, I started reading about personality disorders and how they play a role in r/s.

Thats when I found this board and found myself relating very closely to a lot of the stories on here.

So am I done with the relationship?

I have to be, she is with another man, she's been developing a relationship with him for over 5 months now.

I tried to reach out, and it was received warmly, then when I saw her I felt like she hated me.

I don't have any cards at the table on this one.

[Icanteven]

When she told you that she felt empty and didn't love herself - that was some very important information for you. My ex used to tell me the same thing and I just thought, well - noone is really empty inside. I thought it was just a feeling and at worst a lame excuse.  [But,] She is empty inside. There is not a stable persona there. You thought you loved her, but there is no permanent tennant in that house, do you realize that? I struggled for 20 years to get to know my ex, but she kept changing.

This paragraph is one of THE most important concepts you will read on the site, and it was a red flag I rationalized to my detriment.  I have a nearly identical experience from the beginning of my relationship as Hergestridge with respect to feeling empty and not loving herself; we didn't make it twenty years, but mine was able to subsume those feelings, at least as far as I knew, for YEARS, only to have the same feelings resurface again when there was nothing to triangulate against and, I suspect deeply, as the result of entering psychotherapy.

My wife has changed careers multiple times, changed her hair multiple times, changed where she lives (multiple cross country moves) multiple times, and apparently changed her personality multiple times.  Who she was when I met her was not who she was when we fell in love was not who she was when she left.

There's no there there.  Remember that every time you get down.  It won't fix everything, but being cognizant that this is a pattern that will continue may provide comfort that this wasn't your fault.  Because it wasn't.

[Mutt]

Hi Jeff26,

You're not the crazy ex and I know you know that but she didn't give you closure. She was probably ashamed and surprised to see you at the friends birthday party. She didn't give you a real explanation and maybe she didn't what to say if she pressed at the party. Maybe she didn't explain to her family either and they could be used to her r/s fall outs.

That has to really hurt to see her with a new guy. How have you been the last few months? Are you eating, sleeping Ok?

[Rayban]

When she told you that she felt empty and didn't love herself - that was some very important information for you. My ex used to tell me the same thing and I just thought, well - noone is really empty inside. I thought it was just a feeling and at worst a lame excuse.  [But,] She is empty inside. There is not a stable persona there. You thought you loved her, but there is no permanent tennant in that house, do you realize that? I struggled for 20 years to get to know my ex, but she kept changing.

This paragraph is one of THE most important concepts you will read on the site, and it was a red flag I rationalized to my detriment.  I have a nearly identical experience from the beginning of my relationship as Hergestridge with respect to feeling empty and not loving herself; we didn't make it twenty years, but mine was able to subsume those feelings, at least as far as I knew, for YEARS, only to have the same feelings resurface again when there was nothing to triangulate against and, I suspect deeply, as the result of entering psychotherapy.

My wife has changed careers multiple times, changed her hair multiple times, changed where she lives (multiple cross country moves) multiple times, and apparently changed her personality multiple times.  Who she was when I met her was not who she was when we fell in love was not who she was when she left.

There's no there there.  Remember that every time you get down.  It won't fix everything, but being cognizant that this is a pattern that will continue may provide comfort that this wasn't your fault.  Because it wasn't.

Could relate to this. The woman I first met mirrored exactly what I was looking for.  I remember going out for supper and had a waitress comment on what a cute couple we were, and mentioned we even laughed the same way. Yup that's how much she was mirroring me.

I later learned that the constant change in apparence, goals, jobs, deciding she wanted to move, sudden interests in activities, sports, culture,  wanting to go back to school,  was just an attempt to fill the void of not knowing who she was and who she wanted to become.

I also learned that she picked up some of these interests from mirroring new idols in her life.

[joeramabeme]

Hi Jeff26

Welcome to the family and so glad you made your first post explaining your story.  The dynamics you list about your ex are very common ones but your circumstances are pretty extreme.  Particularly that you did not see her for 30 days after your wedding date.  That must have been very confusing and hard to take.

Now that she is in on FB with a new face, are you trying to avoid contact?  I mean, are you reading the postings and wondering who he is etc.   This can be very painful (I am sure you already know that) so have you considered blocking her for your own benefit?

I was really impressed that you have already taken on a piece of introspection regarding your past and how that may have lead to this relationship.  What are your thoughts and feelings now?  Are you missing her and wanting to get back together?

Best, JRB

[pjstock42]

I later learned that the constant change in apparence, goals, jobs, deciding she wanted to move, sudden interests in activities, sports, culture,  wanting to go back to school,  was just an attempt to fill the void of not knowing who she was and who she wanted to become.

It's scary how closely I can relate to this. My BPD ex gf had made major career changes multiple times, including going to various levels of schooling to get degrees in completely unrelated fields. She had lived all over the planet, never sticking to one place more than a couple years and always having a relationship in each place in which her discard propelled her to moving elsewhere. She would never gradually become interested in something yet would out of nowhere have some big obsession with a new thing/activity/person etc. The only constant in her life was her almost creepily close relationship with her sister who, big surprise, was doing the same thing - in her mid 30s, having lived all over the world, being on her 3rd or 4th career path and in school again to do something completely different.

I misread all of things things so horribly at the beginning and didn't think of any of them to be red flags, in fact I looked for the positives in them. Always leaving her boyfriends in an abrupt manner? Good for her, they must have been abusive & she deserves better. Always changing career paths? I admired it, she should have a job that she truly cares about. Always going back to school seemingly forever? Wow, she's so smart, good on her for becoming so educated. Moving all over the world after short periods of time in one place? She's so worldly and ambitious, I respect how she has seen so many places/cultures.

If only I knew then what I knew now. I was so wrong about all of these things yet I looked for the positives because I was so enamored with the infatuation, the love-bombing, the thought that I was the special one to finally save her from all of this constant change and settle down with her. I tried to find stability in something that was incredibly unstable, with the track record to prove it. I allowed myself to become so comfortable and content with the false stability that I thought we had mutually established, only for it to be gone in an instant with no warning as she just repeats the cycle and moved on to the next thing.

[hergestridge]

When she told you that she felt empty and didn't love herself - that was some very important information for you. My ex used to tell me the same thing and I just thought, well - noone is really empty inside. I thought it was just a feeling and at worst a lame excuse.  [But,] She is empty inside. There is not a stable persona there. You thought you loved her, but there is no permanent tennant in that house, do you realize that? I struggled for 20 years to get to know my ex, but she kept changing.

This paragraph is one of THE most important concepts you will read on the site, and it was a red flag I rationalized to my detriment.  I have a nearly identical experience from the beginning of my relationship as Hergestridge with respect to feeling empty and not loving herself; we didn't make it twenty years, but mine was able to subsume those feelings, at least as far as I knew, for YEARS, only to have the same feelings resurface again when there was nothing to triangulate against and, I suspect deeply, as the result of entering psychotherapy.

My wife has changed careers multiple times, changed her hair multiple times, changed where she lives (multiple cross country moves) multiple times, and apparently changed her personality multiple times.  Who she was when I met her was not who she was when we fell in love was not who she was when she left.

There's no there there.  Remember that every time you get down.  It won't fix everything, but being cognizant that this is a pattern that will continue may provide comfort that this wasn't your fault.  Because it wasn't.

Could relate to this. The woman I first met mirrored exactly what I was looking for.  I remember going out for supper and had a waitress comment on what a cute couple we were, and mentioned we even laughed the same way. Yup that's how much she was mirroring me.

I later learned that the constant change in apparence, goals, jobs, deciding she wanted to move, sudden interests in activities, sports, culture,  wanting to go back to school,  was just an attempt to fill the void of not knowing who she was and who she wanted to become.

I also learned that she picked up some of these interests from mirroring new idols in her life.

For me it was like this - new friends/workplace meant for my ex meant a change of appearance, interests and attitudes. She always changed and she always hated the person she was before. Eventually she started to take my love as an insult. If I loved the failed, miserable person she used to be then I didn't really love HER. It didn't realize it was like a riddle, and the answers is "There is no me".

I remember we used to poke fun at all the "straight" people in this world. The boring people who always did the same thing and talked about the same things year in and year out. It was one of those things that kind of glued us together. I used to feel a bit uneasy about that because I wasn't sure what exactly we thought made us so much better than the others.
It gradually dawned on me that my ex really loathed people who were not prepared to change according to her whims. And I loathed people who I had to adjust to and form a grown up relationship with. Me and my ex never had fights. We never really got to know eachother. What we brought to eachother was some kind of unconditional but painfully shallow love.

[Jeff26]

Thanks to everyone who has chimed in.

Multiple people have now asked how I've been, and what I've been feeling, so I'll do my best to explain.


I feel fine.

I use the word "fine" here in a way that I've never used it before. It is intended to mean the same thing as fine, but this is a new version of fine.

I eat well, I excercise everyday, I have lost 20lbs in 3.5 months, it feels really good & my confidence is in good enough shape to where I've had a couple evenings with women here and there.

But at the end of the day, a girl and her son that I still love are out there walking this planet, yet are no longer a part of my life.

I just feel like even though she clearly has tried to forget about me, it would be impossible not to think about me at least sometimes.

I also don't and really never have felt the urge to interfere in her new relationship.

My gut tells me that it won't work out between them and I find that oddly comforting.



I have thought about this from a thousand different angles; I've thought countless times about what I would say to her if she tried to reconnect. I've even set my own boundaries on a lot of the things that would need to be discussed if a re-connect ever reared its head.
  At this point, I know how I feel about the situation, I know what I would say and to tell you the truth, I am in no big hurry to have that conversation. Do I want to have it? You bet. But the time and place for that conversation is not in the near future.
  She is with another man, he is probably starting to or at least attempting to form a bond with her son and the rest of her family. Her mind is so far past me (at least on the surface).



The hardest thing is wondering if she ever thinks about me & if she does, then what that must feel like to be her.

I can't imagine.






Also, as a side note.
I've read that having sex with a Bpd is usually "amazing" or something.

I found this not to be the case.

The sex was good, and at times it was better than good.

But she was kind of a paper weight in bed (not adventurous, just laid there)

I can remember her ever putting effort into sex unless she was performing oral. When she performed oral she gave it 110% but when it came to her confidence in having sex, it seemed like there was none.

She would also clearly become uninterested if I took more than 10minutes.

And along the same lines... .She only ever rubbed / scratched my back one time.

The day she scratched my back is my favorite memory of her, her son and I. It was a great day on vacation and after a long day we got back to the hotel room, we all watched tv and i asked her to scratch my back, she did and I felt as complete as I've ever felt.

To this day that is my favorite memory. And I start to tear up just writing about it.


That's it, the one thing that makes me cry. A simple memory of the one time she scratched my back.


It makes me cry because that's the indicator to me that my love for her was real. Kind of a "it's the simple things" sort of thing.

And she seemingly isn't capable of feeling or giving love past the infatuation/honeymoon stage.

[Jeff26]

Update-

So I posted this thread 2 days ago, once I saw my exBPD become Facebook official with my replacement.

Now, 2 days after; I am losing the desire to "check up" on her and him.

I went to go creep on Facebook today and found myself not really caring to do so.

It's as if her proclaiming her new relationship publicly has become its own sort of closure.

In a sad way it is really nice to know there is nothing left to wonder about.

Based on how our relationship ended, I am certain that she isn't stable enough for a new relationship. That fact that she is now in one makes me feel like I'm winning in a sick way.

I'm working on myself, I know that I am not ready to move on to someone else and I feel content with that idea.

It still makes me cringe to think about her moving on and loving someone else, but with the evidence that I have, it's almost laughable to me that she is pursuing a new guy.

Also, I never mentioned that a month before they were Facebook official, her profile picture was one of him and her.

I thought it was weird that she changed her profile picture to her and him while his profile still said "single."

When I did look at the likes and comments on their relationship post, no one in her family except her "sister/best friend" even liked it or commented.

It makes me think that her family is also shaking their heads.

[Fr4nz]

When she told you that she felt empty and didn't love herself - that was some very important information for you. My ex used to tell me the same thing and I just thought, well - noone is really empty inside. I thought it was just a feeling and at worst a lame excuse.  [But,] She is empty inside. There is not a stable persona there. You thought you loved her, but there is no permanent tennant in that house, do you realize that? I struggled for 20 years to get to know my ex, but she kept changing.

This paragraph is one of THE most important concepts you will read on the site, and it was a red flag I rationalized to my detriment.  I have a nearly identical experience from the beginning of my relationship as Hergestridge with respect to feeling empty and not loving herself; we didn't make it twenty years, but mine was able to subsume those feelings, at least as far as I knew, for YEARS, only to have the same feelings resurface again when there was nothing to triangulate against and, I suspect deeply, as the result of entering psychotherapy.

My wife has changed careers multiple times, changed her hair multiple times, changed where she lives (multiple cross country moves) multiple times, and apparently changed her personality multiple times.  Who she was when I met her was not who she was when we fell in love was not who she was when she left.

There's no there there.  Remember that every time you get down.  It won't fix everything, but being cognizant that this is a pattern that will continue may provide comfort that this wasn't your fault.  Because it wasn't.

Hi Jeff,

as Icanteven wrote, some of the behavioural patterns you observed from your ex, as well as some (apparently) odd "words that were said" during the r/s, are actually crystal clear indicators of BPD tendencies.

Indeed, when I was reading that your ex said that "she felt empty" and "didn't love herself" I literally jumped on my chair; in fact, those are two classical indicators of BPD tendencies -- if you look at the wikipedia page, you can exactly find those two traits, i.e., "feelings of emptiness" and "extreme self-loathing"... .unfortunately, we are not psychologists or psychiatrists, so we couldn't know... .

Hence, don't blame yourself: at that time you could not know you were having a r/s with a disturbed person, hence you just judged those words, perhaps said very "quickly" and with a low voice volume, as "strange", maybe said in a moment of stress... .
Unknowingly -- and unluckily-- to you, those words were of paramount importance, since they highlight traits that make up a very rigid set of beliefs/thoughts/actions that characterizes the BPD's inflexible (and dysfunctional) thinking.

Another thing I would like to cover is the extremely quick detachment BPDs perform: unfortunately, this is the pattern that characterizes their relationships... .if you read these forums, it almost always ends like this (me included), if they are the ones to finish the r/s, as if we were just mere cardboards that served the purpose of filling their huge, inner void for a time. It is not for nothing that BPD is described also as an "attachment disorder".

Finally, as you said, be assured that her new relationship will fail; indeed, BPDs repeat the very same dysfunctional set of thoughts/behaviours across different relationships, hence it is extremely probable that the final outcome will be the n-th failure (if you read my past posts, this happened to the guy that replaced me as well), or they will make the life of their next partner(s) a living hell.

I hope you are focusing on yourself and on your well-being; you'll see that, over time (it may take even a lot of time... .in case, don't worry too much!), you will become a stronger person and you will appreciate again the stability of "normal" partners. In case of need, go to a T, it may help a lot!

A big hug!

[Jeff26]

fr4nz,

I just read your story and ended up ready a few other stories on here as well.

So crazy. I am sorry that she did those things.




The best thing so far in my recovery is the knowledge and insite that I've gained from ready stories like yours.

Knowing that my ex is following the exact same pattern as multiple others with BPD is, as I mentioned before, oddly comforting.

Before I read the stories on here, I saw her flirting with a new guy only a month after the break-up, I thought "she is trying to get over me, but she's going to come crawling back".

Then I found this website and other BPD information... .

That's when I discovered predictability based on others stories.

Her actions after the break up match up to so many other stories.

-No Closure
-Silent treatment
-Found new supply
-Made sure that others knew about her new guy
-The only time I have seen her, she acted like she hated me, even though I never wronged her (painted me black)
-Has never reached out to me, not once.

Those things are not normal as I now realize.

Being able to finally say "holy ___, I'm NOT crazy" is a giant relief.

Still hurts to know that the girl I love doesnt exist anymore. It almost feels like a joke.

[fromheeltoheal]

Still hurts to know that the girl I love doesnt exist anymore. It almost feels like a joke.

That's good Jeff, and did she ever exist?  Many of us realize that what we fell in love with was a fantasy, a positive projection of the version of our ex in our head onto the real person, and when what was real diverged from the fantasy it was a wake-up call.  So moving forward, where did that fantasy come from, and why did we get so attached to it?

[Fr4nz]

We also have to say that we projected because they were wearing a well-crafted mask, like a chameleon trying to hide its real self... .