Ready to divorce my BPD husband.

[Ree]

I am so ready to divorce my husband that just writing the word "husband" pisses me off. I feel like im the one to blame because i ignored all the early signs even after his childhood friends made jokes in front of me about his ways and habits but, i laughed it off. Now, here we are 6 1/2 yrs later, 3 kids and 3 years married all full of misery. He is a liar, deciever, lacks empathy , rude, selfish, self centered, never takes me out, never buy me anything bice (nothing special period) disrespectful, never wrong or excepts blame, always saying he didnt do or say something after i cleary saw him do it or heard him say it. He exploits me and tells one sides stories to people so ill look like the evil pyscho that he really is while he plays the abused victim and ive had enough. He barely helps with the kids, smokes too much weed, puts his friends first and have us financially in the deepest whole ever. His parents (grandma and mom) are both mentally ill as well with all of the narcissistic traits out there and i almost hate them too just for creating such a damn demon. He's also very passive aggressive and neglects himself on a daily basis. I just hate everything about him but, my one biggest problem and biggest mistake i made was to be a stay at home mom. So, that means no money to leave or family that can help. I used to be sweet, kind, gentle, and out going but, oh! how that changed as the yrs went by. I dont feel like myself and he just watch me crumble and dont give a ___. That how he was raised so he just passed down what he was taught. He's the worst person i have ever met and i regret meeting him. God didnt send him to me, i believe satan did.

[thisagain]

Welcome Ree,

You must be really frustrated with how he treats you, especially since you've given up so much. How old are your kids? Is there a chance you could get back into working soon, even part-time, to get some financial stability and fulfillment?

Deciding whether to divorce, and the whole court process if you decide to go through with it, unfortunately takes some time. In the meantime, as long as you are living with him, you can learn some techniques that will reduce conflict in the relationship and take some of the pressure off of you. If you see the links on the side under "Choosing a Path," I'd suggest reading all of them, but start with "Stop the Bleeding." And please keep posting, tell us more about your story if you're comfortable, and feel free to ask any questions!

You aren't alone! Lots of people here have been through similar situations, and we're here for you. Hang in there.

[drained1996]

 
Welcome Ree,

Like thisagain I'll say   You aren't alone! Lots of people here have been through similar situations, and we're here for you. Hang in there.
You will find situations so similar to yours in so many stories you will know you are not alone.  
Sharing here and getting feedback is a great way to start your process of better understanding your situation and getting a grasp of things.  Have you made the final decision to seek a divorce?  If so, have you begun to think of a plan of action?  Sharing more of your thoughts, feelings, and your situation will help us to better understand how we may be of help to you.  
Know you have found a great family that is comprised of people just like you.  We look forward to hearing more.  

[Lucky Jim]

I feel like im the one to blame because i ignored all the early signs

Hey Ree, Welcome!  Don't beat yourself up.  BPD is an extremely complex disorder and most of us had no clue about it before getting into a r/s or marriage with a pwBPD.  Who knew?  You have come to a great place and many of us have been down this path before you, so you are not alone, believe me.

LuckyJim