I'm drunk and broke NC

[Infern0]

WHY?

I'm so happy tho but this will come back to haunt me she thinks I'm some pathetic nice guy but I'm not!

Man this sucks I really love her but she has me in 1 category and that's it.

I just miss her so much and why does my childhood programming effect me so bad... .

Whyyyyyyy

I'm not sum codependent

[Cleanglass]

You're not pathetic. You gave in to a moment of weakness. You live and you learn... .hopefully.

Concentrate less on what she thinks of you and more of what you think of yourself. If you don't like what you see i.e. if you feel pathetic, then acknowledge it and tell yourself not to do it again.

BPDs are good at making their lives your world but it's an illusion. This is part of you codependant nature that you clearly want to break. So find something within your control (so not another person etc.) that will make you happy and work your way up.

[Infern0]

You're not pathetic. You gave in to a moment of weakness. You live and you learn... .hopefully.

Concentrate less on what she thinks of you and more of what you think of yourself. If you don't like what you see i.e. if you feel pathetic, then acknowledge it and tell yourself not to do it again.

BPDs are good at making their lives your world but it's an illusion. This is part of you codependant nature that you clearly want to break. So find something within your control (so not another person etc.) that will make you happy and work your way up.

It just burns me

She thinks I'm so pathetic, a loser

She was ashamed of me

It burns

[fromheeltoheal]

She thinks I'm so pathetic, a loser

She was ashamed of me

It burns

What she thinks only matters if you let it matter Inferno, you know that.

I just miss her so much and why does my childhood programming effect me so bad... .

Great question!  You've been around for a while Inferno, and at this point it's interesting and telling to see how fast you can get back on the horse, see how much you can take from the experience, and use it to check in with your detachment to see how you're doing.  What did you learn, and where are you going from here?

[patientandclear]

Is it at all helpful to substitute other words for love in your sentence "I really love her but she has me in 1 category and that's it?"

Maybe (based on your other recent posts) "I feel drawn toward her" or "I have a hard time accepting that she chooses not to be with me when I am offering her my best self" or "I have an addictive compulsion to be with her" or "her treatment of me opens wounds that I have an impulse to heal with self compromising coping mechanisms?"

I think we too easily resort to the label "love" for strong feelings of compulsive attraction that are really about our own underlying wounds being "hooked" by the pattern.

You were posting recently about how she treated the guy who came after you. "She cheated on him the whole time" basically. Do your feelings of love stand up to who she really is and how she actually acts?

[Skip]

Maybe (based on your other recent posts) "I feel drawn toward her" or "I have a hard time accepting that she chooses not to be with me when I am offering her my best self" or "I have an addictive compulsion to be with her" or "her treatment of me opens wounds that I have an impulse to heal with self compromising coping mechanisms?"

Interesting 

Good advice.

[hope2727]

Aww hun. I have so been there and done that. Its ok to fall down. Just get back up again. You are not pathetic. You are hurting. Now go eat some expensive ice cream and have a latte. You will feel better. Then just put one foot in front of the other and keep on keeping on. Hugs.

[kc sunshine]

I learn something new from this board everyday-- this is what I learned today. Thank you for it patientandclear. We're with you inferno, and the very fact of you posting along with your self-clarity means that you are already far down the road towards healing. 

Is it at all helpful to substitute other words for love in your sentence "I really love her but she has me in 1 category and that's it?"

Maybe (based on your other recent posts) "I feel drawn toward her" or "I have a hard time accepting that she chooses not to be with me when I am offering her my best self" or "I have an addictive compulsion to be with her" or "her treatment of me opens wounds that I have an impulse to heal with self compromising coping mechanisms?"

I think we too easily resort to the label "love" for strong feelings of compulsive attraction that are really about our own underlying wounds being "hooked" by the pattern.

[Infern0]

I've sobered up and got over my hangover.

Boy that was stupid, then waking up to a reply from her saying she missed me... .

But I was just civil and said hey I was drunk hope you are OK though and got out of the conversation

It's bad though guys, I actually had a beautiful girl with me in the club last night but I still did that.

Maybe best to stop the drink for a while.

[fromheeltoheal]

Maybe best to stop the drink for a while.

If you're thinking it's best, it probably is.  And while you're not drinking, ask yourself what need does booze meet for you, and once your inhibitions were lowered by alcohol, what were your impulses?  Might as well use this experience, and every experience, to learn and grow yes?

And patientandclear has given us some great possibly accurate reasons for what's really going on.  The booze was not the problem, it was the solution; can you address these and share what comes up for you?

Maybe (based on your other recent posts) "I feel drawn toward her" or "I have a hard time accepting that she chooses not to be with me when I am offering her my best self" or "I have an addictive compulsion to be with her" or "her treatment of me opens wounds that I have an impulse to heal with self compromising coping mechanisms?"