BPD ex gf has contacted me...

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

My BPD ex-GF and I broke up approximately a month ago - we were together about a year.  I cared about her very much and we were engaged to be married, but I did not see a happy future with this person.  She told me she had BPD and exhibited all the signs - always hot and cold, constant temper tantrums over minor things like laundry and how I cooked the eggs are a few of many examples.  She constantly devalued me while comparing me to her ex bfs, always playing the victim, constantly sick, delusions of grandeur, not being able to hold a job for more than a few months - everyone was out to get her.  I am not a pushover and almost always called out her BS.

Her last message (less than 2 weeks after breakup) before her recent contact went something like this - ":)ear ... ., I am pregnant and engaged to be married.  I hope you find someone that suites your lifestyle.  Please do not contact me."

Anyhow, last night and today I received several messages stating how she's in trouble and needs my help.  That she needs to live with me... .  I have not responded.

what the heck?

I know there's no romantic future with this person, but was wondering if I should engage her in hopes to convince her to get the help/treatment she needs as I still care about her well being.  Is it my best option to continue to ignore her and be thankful that she's out of my life?

[keepitmovin]

My BPD ex-GF and I broke up approximately a month ago - we were together about a year.  I cared about her very much and we were engaged to be married, but I did not see a happy future with this person.  She told me she had BPD and exhibited all the signs - always hot and cold, constant temper tantrums over minor things like laundry and how I cooked the eggs are a few of many examples.  She constantly devalued me while comparing me to her ex bfs, always playing the victim, constantly sick, delusions of grandeur, not being able to hold a job for more than a few months - everyone was out to get her.  I am not a pushover and almost always called out her BS.

Her last message (less than 2 weeks after breakup) before her recent contact went something like this - ":)ear ... ., I am pregnant and engaged to be married.  I hope you find someone that suites your lifestyle.  Please do not contact me."

Anyhow, last night and today I received several messages stating how she's in trouble and needs my help.  That she needs to live with me... .  I have not responded.

what the heck?

I know there's no romantic future with this person, but was wondering if I should engage her in hopes to convince her to get the help/treatment she needs as I still care about her well being.  Is it my best option to continue to ignore her and be thankful that she's out of my life?

[Lucky Jim]

Hey keepitmovin, I am uncertain why you are considering taking on this project.  In other words, why would you want to dive back into the BPD soup?  Hey, it's toxic in there!  On some level you already know that, yet something seems to be drawing you back in.  What is it?

LuckyJim

[bunny4523]

Hi,

This is an easy one, 1, 2, 3... .

First of all, don't try and figure her out.  She isn't well and you have better things to focus on  - YOURSELF
Second of all, she can get treatment on her own.  She doesn't need your help for that.  
Third, yes exactly... .ignore her and be thankful she is out of your life.

Pleassse

It is very nice of you to care about helping someone but remember that it is also your weaknesses that keeps you attached to the dysfunction.  It's a cycle.  Read posts of people on this site who have gone through recycling.  Read until your head spins and you want nothing to do with it.

You will find the right person one day but you need to make sure you are mentally and emotionally ready to handle her... .get to work!


Bunny

[VitaminC]

Hi keepitmovin,

First of all, I'd like to say

I'm glad you found us!

How have you been since the break-up? Did you initiate it? I am sure that the decision to do so, if I understood you correctly, could not have been an easy one and that the subsequent message 2 weeks after the break-up must have caused you some pain.

A month out of the relationship with someone you were engaged to be married to is not long at all. Do you feel that you could engage with your ex in a way that could help her without becoming entangled yourself? Is that what you want?

If she is aware of her BPD, has she gone about treatment at all, do you know? This is not something you or anyone else will be able to do more than gently encourage her to do.

Her getting back in touch with you now is something to be wary of, in my opinion, and you would do well to check in with yourself and where you're at in your own healing process very carefully.

Perhaps you might have a look through some of the resources here on this site? The sidebar here on the right ---> is a good place to start.  If you're in a rush click on number 4 https://bpdfamily.com/deciding_guide/04.htm

Do post more and tell us more of your story. 

[keepitmovin]

I appreciate all the feedback.  She continues to contact me, but I have not responded and don't plan to as I realize how miserable I was with this person.  It was actually affecting me physically.  I would often get this sinking feeling in my chest that I'm no longer having.  I really hope she doesn't show up at my place and I do hope she figures things out. 

Do enjoy your weekend.

[formflier]

Solid plan.  You have no responsibility to her or for her.

FF

[Dontknow88]

I appreciate all the feedback.  She continues to contact me, but I have not responded and don't plan to as I realize how miserable I was with this person.  It was actually affecting me physically.  I would often get this sinking feeling in my chest that I'm no longer having.  I really hope she doesn't show up at my place and I do hope she figures things out. 

Do enjoy your weekend.

Welcome! & im sorry this happened to you but yes I agree, leave it alone. It will only confuse you and to get help she will have to want it first. Take care

[Lucky Jim]

I realize how miserable I was with this person.  It was actually affecting me physically.  I would often get this sinking feeling in my chest that I'm no longer having.

Hey keepit,  Right, a BPD r/s can negatively affect one's health.  You don't need that kind of stress.  It's nice to be free of that sinking feeling, isn't it?  You may hear back from her so be prepared to keep good boundaries.

LuckyJim