Crazy making behavior, I think my ride is over

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

So I've been on a 5 day break with from my BPD gf and today we had plan to meet for dinner. Honestly the past 5 days were so peaceful and I felt happy, a little lonely but not stressed! For a change. She showed up to my house 4 hours before our dinner date uninvited and wanting to spend time with me. I felt uneasy because I know when she is stressed which she is lately, we have a problem. I tried canceling the date but she won't take it. Anyway, she said I'm hungry, I was in the midst of a point, and when I dismissed that she went off Saying how invalidating I am! Then I acknowledged and said I don't mean to invalidate you, and she kept telling me to admit how invalidating I was. Then I lost control and I said no it's your perception. She started yelling, making fun of me, and I got fueled, cursed her out, she cursed me out, I kicked her out of my car and she blocked me. Wow! Crazy making. I've been keeping my cool so long, being empathetic and she sucked me dry! I feel I need someone to care for me now. I told her the yelling and name calling won't get her heard, she can't listen. It's INSANE how angry she got me and that fast. I've been in other relationships and they were not even close to this. One was a borderline too, not like this. I feel so anxious, my scalp burns, my stress is off the roof. I am sick of it, I want out ASAP but I don't want to grieve and don't want to see her with others. But I think it is aught to happen.

[Freeatlast_1]

So I've been on a 5 day break with from my BPD gf and today we had plan to meet for dinner. Honestly the past 5 days were so peaceful and I felt happy, a little lonely but not stressed! For a change. She showed up to my house 4 hours before our dinner date uninvited and wanting to spend time with me. I felt uneasy because I know when she is stressed which she is lately, we have a problem. I tried canceling the date but she won't take it. Anyway, she said I'm hungry, I was in the midst of a point, and when I dismissed that she went off Saying how invalidating I am! Then I acknowledged and said I don't mean to invalidate you, and she kept telling me to admit how invalidating I was. Then I lost control and I said no it's your perception. She started yelling, making fun of me, and I got fueled, cursed her out, she cursed me out, I kicked her out of my car and she blocked me. Wow! Crazy making. I've been keeping my cool so long, being empathetic and she sucked me dry! I feel I need someone to care for me now. I told her the yelling and name calling won't get her heard, she can't listen. It's INSANE how angry she got me and that fast. I've been in other relationships and they were not even close to this. One was a borderline too, not like this. I feel so anxious, my scalp burns, my stress is off the roof. I am sick of it, I want out ASAP but I don't want to grieve and don't want to see her with others. But I think it is aught to happen.

[Circle]

Stinks, doesn't it? You do everything right for days and weeks; then BOOM! One impulsive move and they are all over you like flies on shinola. This is where you retreat, hang out on bpdfamily.com, post, read, and take a break from the chaos-maker.

They do this with anyone they are close to. It's not just you. Hang in there. Do what you can to be happy for now. And, ask yourself ":)oes this person enrich my life, or detract from it?"

[Freeatlast_1]

Stinks, doesn't it? You do everything right for days and weeks; then BOOM! One impulsive move and they are all over you like flies on shinola. This is where you retreat, hang out on bpdfamily.com, post, read, and take a break from the chaos-maker.

They do this with anyone they are close to. It's not just you. Hang in there. Do what you can to be happy for now. And, ask yourself ":)oes this person enrich my life, or detract from it?"

It doesn't feel right. The answer to your question is pretty clear. It's hard regardless. This one is in the psych field and will start seeing patients soon! She is in in debt and neurofeedbaxk. That's why I hung in there. DBT is making her worse ironically!

[Freeatlast_1]

Stinks, doesn't it? You do everything right for days and weeks; then BOOM! One impulsive move and they are all over you like flies on shinola. This is where you retreat, hang out on bpdfamily.com, post, read, and take a break from the chaos-maker.

They do this with anyone they are close to. It's not just you. Hang in there. Do what you can to be happy for now. And, ask yourself ":)oes this person enrich my life, or detract from it?"

Thank God and the organizers for this forum, I am so grateful. So after our clash earlier today, my BPD gf blocked me so I thought it was over. I guess it aint over until the fat lady sings! We had a heated argument that involved yelling, name calling etc. I kicked her out of the car. He car was still parked in front of my house. So I thought she would Uber back to pick her car up, but that's too logical! I went out, and came home at 12:30am, seeing her car still there, she's in it. She came to my window, asking "where were you?", I said "you should tell me where were YOU" LOL, she said at her friends house, and started staring at me. I said "WHAT!, you're staring at me WHAT?" she walks back to her car, and drove off. Then started the text avalanche, which I will not reply to. I honestly got scared when I saw her. I thought she was gonna curse me out, attack me, attack the car, yell etc... .she didn't. She walked away. But I am shaking, she made me so nervous. Gees what's next? All props to those guys that can truly handle a BPD partner. I respect you guys so much! I cannot do it. I can't let someone curse, yell, insult me, and justify it all because she felt "invalidated". I choose not to do this... .I CAN'T! it will kill me alive. I got a lot going for me in my career, starting a business etc, this will suck me dry and effect me and other people and ultimately my patients... .who deserve me to stay healthy for them. Holly sjfhs I am shook up.

[C.Stein]

Free,

Sometimes people just need someone to listen without feedback.  I would say this is especially the case with a borderline.  When someone is lashing out, engaging them, especially in a hostile fashion, is adding fuel to the fire.  When you can stand back and just observe without engaging the fire will eventually burn out.

I truly understand how hard it is to be verbally assaulted by the one you love.   Some of the things my ex said were so unbelievably thoughtless, insensitive, cold-hearted and even at times cruel it was like I was instantly pushed over the cliff.  Thing about that is, I let her push me over the cliff, I let her control me and to be honest I am deeply ashamed for allowing that to happen, even if it was only a handful of times.  I let her push my buttons ... .I gave her control over me and I allowed myself to be someone I am not.

When that happened I should have walked away until I got control of my emotions because I was no longer acting with a rational/logical mind, it was purely emotional.  

You have an advantage here that I did not ... .you know she suffers from BPD and you know where the behavior is coming from.  Letting all that negativity pass over you instead of through you is possible.  You can learn how to not internalize it.  I know how hard it is to do that, how hard it is to not take it personally when it is someone you love doing it, but it can be done with practice and self-awareness.

To that end, have you had a chance to read this?

https://bpdfamily.com/content/triggering-and-mindfulness-and-wise-mind

[BowlOfPetunias]

Anyway, she said I'm hungry, I was in the midst of a point, and when I dismissed that she went off Saying how invalidating I am!

I don't get it.  Did she say you were hungry?  If so, then how could your denial be invalidating? 

But if she said that she was hungry, how could you know that she wasn't hungry?  That does sound very invalidating.

[Conundrum]

Thing about that is, I let her push me over the cliff, I let her control me and to be honest I am deeply ashamed for allowing that to happen, even if it was only a handful of times.  I let her push my buttons ... .I gave her control over me and I allowed myself to be someone I am not.

Hi C.Stein, if wishes were fishes we'd be swimming w mermaids and every oyster would contain a shine-knee pearl. Everyone here via your posts n help can see that you're extremely empathetic w strong values/ethics. Don't lose that evah... .Even when a relationship tramples them a bit. This contemporary society needs peeps like you. It makes the world more humanistic.