Son In Law. Daughter. No children.

[Mamab]

My son in law has shown s/s of BPD or Bipolar Disease for abit. (As well as Defiance Disorder) No diagnosis has been offered by his physician as yet. He has self medicated with alcohol/pot for years. He is now in outpatient rehab, drug tested negative for 2 months now.
The reason he went into his program is because my daughter has finally left him, and retained a divorce lawyer (she is holding off filing right now-conflicted)
They have no children.
They are in a painful place, trying to adjust to their new awareness of the situation. As am I. I love him as a son. He and my daughter have much work to do. He is now estranged from his own mother.
And - of course - feels abandoned by us all.

They are individually in therapy as well as couple therapy

How can I best help and not hurt?

Thank you for any suggestions

[HappyChappy]

Hi Mamab,

I’m sorry to hear about the divorce, and turmoil this must cause. A core fear of someone with a personality disorder is abandonment. So I guess, reassuring someone that you are not abandoning them, if the situation allows, can help. But also there are communication tools that can also help when dealing with BPD. Here are some details:

TOOLS: S.E.T. - Support, Empathy and Truth

Also you may find this helpful, a short video designed to help family members:

BPD - Support for the Family (8 minute video)

It’s also worth pointing out that Bi-polar and BPD are often misdiagnosed. A key difference is someone with BPD doesn’t demonstrate empathy, and can appear very selfish, but not so if it’s Bi-polar. Best wishes to your extended family, and I’m sure you daughter will appreciate your support. There is also a big section on this website specifically for partners of someone with BPD, if you daughter shows an interest.