How do you stop checking their social media?

[ElroySpace]

I don't have social media but her FB is public... .I work from home on my laptop so the temptation is always overwhelming to refresh it multiple times a day. See new pics... .See the new people she is adding etc. It's a recent breakup... .Any tips on how to stop this? I hate it!

[problemsolver]

I've heard of people blocking the URL of the Facebook page to stop themselves it's a little extreme but hey it works.

[OopsIDidItAgain]

I'm surprised you're able to do it!

I got rid of my Facebook, I can't even look at my exes Instagram and all she posts is pictures of herself, food and most recently... .Inspirational Quotes about being free and independent.

[Pou]

I don't have social media but her FB is public... .I work from home on my laptop so the temptation is always overwhelming to refresh it multiple times a day. See new pics... .See the new people she is adding etc. It's a recent breakup... .Any tips on how to stop this? I hate it!

I don't know, maybe don't try to stop it.  You may be checking because you like to know who is the next that is about to walk into her world.  Aren't you out of it because it was too much to take?  So you should be happy looking outside in.  It is normal to be curious ... .as long as your thought when checking is not centered around wanting to get back together or getting jealous.  I am never a jealous person because I had a long term relationship before my current and she was a serial cheater ... .she put me through very good training.  So whenever I end up breaking up with someone, I always have best wishes for them because I kind feel when I do that, then I also wish the best would happen to myself.  At least, you will experience that peacfulness and be able to move on.  However, I can envision myself checking on my now wife on FB (she doesn't have one) if we were to divorce, but mainly is really to piece things together and see who is the next victim.  Good luck and hope you get over her soon, if you haven't already.

[valet]

I used this for a while:

https://selfcontrolapp.com

I still use it on occasion.

[lipstick]

I don't have social media but her FB is public... .I work from home on my laptop so the temptation is always overwhelming to refresh it multiple times a day. See new pics... .See the new people she is adding etc. It's a recent breakup... .Any tips on how to stop this? I hate it!

Hi ElroySpace!

You'll stop when you're ready to stop. It took me a very long time to stop peeking at my ex's FB page. And we've been No Contact for almost three years now! 

With time and the help of the terrific folks on this forum - I've come to understand that what my BPDex posts is mostly fake anyway (Facebook!).  He is on there 24/7 - which is a huge indicator that his life pretty much sux!

We have a mutual friend that looks in on the ex from time to time via FB. The most recent posting? A picture of his salt and pepper shakers. How riveting!  Talking about how "retro" they are.   

My ex uses FB for validation. He gets his "warm and fuzzies" from people "Liking" and commenting on his posts / pictures. I guess he thinks it makes him a good guy (he's not). But I also think that when he logs off and shuts down the laptop for the night - the truth creeps back in and he knows what he is and what he's done to people.

And also - he still keeps tabs on me thru Facebook. I guess he wants to be sure he's got someone on the back burner if he ever has a "need". 

Just remember that Facebook isn't a true glimpse into someone's world. The happiest folks that I know spend zero time on social media. The most unhappy people I know are constantly on social media posting about how happy they are! 

Take care ! 

[disorderedsociety]

I'm struggling with going and looking at her page at the moment. Its like I know what I don't know or see won't hurt me but my imagination makes up what I could potentially see and misinterpret as her being "better" with him.

Ugh!

[Hawk Ridge]

To be honest, what has pushed me forward leaps and bounds is to not look at facebook at all.  At first, I looked every other day just to drive her nuts and make her wonder.  Then, i would go as long as a week.  She did notice as she would text and ask me if I saw things.  I replied no as i hadn't had time to get on.  Admittedly, my motivations were wrong but the outcome has been great as weeks stretched into months and i find my anxiety has decreased as i was scared each time i would look.  I even removed the app from my phone and ipad so i would not accidentally press the icon.  I still crave a fix but i reach put to friends or look on these boards during those times to remind me that there is nothing that i want there anymore, it doesn't serve my highest good.   It started in order to bug her but it has instead just provided me relief and more much needed detachment.  You'll know what will provide you the most healing by checking your boly's response to exposure.  Trust yourself - you got this!

[Brood]

I would stop using facebook, I stopped because I found myself just looking though peoples lives instead of living my own. Take up hobbies, use the internet and it's vast wealth of knowledge to your advantage rather than refreshing someones facebook. It's so much fun and you learn so much! Some examples: I looked up plans for an arcade cabinet and built two. I looked up how to equalize headphones, bought an equalizer and learned how to use it with equalization software. I looked up HAM radios and made one! Then I bought one! and use it illegally sometimes!  The point I'm trying to make is that you are in the habit of being on facebook, which I think is your number one problem. Once you stop using it you start to understand why you were still happy before it was invented. Most importantly it's a complete waste of time. There is so much more you can be doing that doesn't put you close to your ex's facebook, try shifting your internet use to supplement your life instead of the other way around and I just know this problem will disappear for you.

[gotujockin]

What did it for me was disabiling my social media accounts in the meantime.  You need to focus on yourself and work on yourself.  Going on social media discourages you from that.  There are other ways to connect to your friends and family.

[Curiously1]

I've done this before as a way of finding closure and how she currently felt about me at the time... but eventually I stopped because I realised that checking got me way too involved in things and conversations I should not have known or should have to care for anymore anyway. Everytime you have the urge you remind yourself it is over and look at it as if it is as bad as self-harming. That's what helped me at least stay away from her page. Checking is just another unneeded risk of self-inflicted hurt and if you place a lot of importance in healing and protecting yourself from unneeded hurt on top of the hurt you are already experiencing then checking will appear less effective and less appealing/beneficial for you to do after some time. Because often than not if you snoop, you may find out things that will hurt you and or make you question things and plus shouldn't be your business to know anything about your pwBPD life anyway. If you are in NC you are not a part of each other's lives right? You have to remind yourself that it applies online too. I keep telling myself that it is none of my business because it really wasn't anymore until the habit was formed and the urge grew less and less and had better things to do. Actually, I got bored sometimes looking at it too but that isn't the point... You need to disconnect from them because they are no longer a part of your present nor can give you closure you need or anything that you are still clinging or hoping to get if anything at all. And if you are anything like me, you shouldn't check just to see how they are feeling and if they are as miserable or affected etc. All of that doesn't matter in the end except your own healing. It takes a lot of determination and self control to keep from clicking, I know. Easiest way is to just block. Ask yourself why you need to check it and what good would it do.

[C.Stein]

I don't check up on my ex for one simple reason ... .it hurts.  I don't need more pain.  

[jonmnemonic]

I closed my Facebook account the same day the police busted me out of prison (marital home).  It's probably more important if you're going through a divorce but it serves a multi-purpose which is also to help you disengage.  The more distance you put between yourself and your BPDex, the faster you'll heal and be able to move on.  It can be really hard but you have to discipline yourself and let go.

[shatra]

Lipstick wrote---

And also - he still keeps tabs on me thru Facebook. I guess he wants to be sure he's got someone on the back burner if he ever has a "need". 

----Can you say how you know he still keeps tabs on you thru Facebook?

----You mentioned a mutual fbook friend---are you also still fbook friends with your ex?

[sad but wiser]

Realize you are addicted and wary.  Realize just how much you watched your and their every move to keep a blow up from happening.  Give yourself a break if you peek.  But try not too.  After a week without the drama, it will feel soo good!  Also, there is still that tiny, tiny hope that your ex will turn back into the person he/she was before he/she turned into a crazy person.  And the fear he/she will create that bond with someone else.  And you just have to know!  But you don't need to know.  Yes, your ex is probably love-bombing yet another victim.  No, it won't last.  Yes, the new person will be told you were the devil.  No, it isn't true.  Just krep swimming.

[Wanna Move On]

You only stop viewing your ex's social media by developing a hardened enough resolve -- at a deep enough level, to NEVER view your ex, ever again!

That was an absolute prerequisite for me in my very painful process of finally letting go of my BPDex, approximately three years ago. 

There is a term for that: No View

[SES]

I closed my facebook and instagram accounts.  I didn't want the temptation of looking at hers, or her looking at mine.  It was a relief to stop looking at hers.

[IamGrey]

When she used to it manipulate me, using her next victim with the love bombing.
She ended the relationship, but it was all my fault, naturally.
Whilst the B/U was actually cordial (her saying I'll always be in her heart etc) she used FB in a pathetic attempt to make me jealous (a huge turn off for me) and thus ended any chance of friendship, which I was happy to give to her. I blocked her from all communications.
She then used my family to manipulate and they blocked her too.
So in short, why would I want to check up on such an insecure idiot, embarrassing herself? I'm not a sadist. And she's in her late 30sHell.

[Herodias]

My exes baby momma posted all kinds of love bombing stuff on fake book the first year- then it slowed down.  Now I notice she only posts happy stuff to the public that I'm sure she wants her husband to see. He doesn't seem like the type to care. He's already On his second girlfriend! I'm all caught up in the tacky drama-  detached but so curious. I guess when I don't see anything public it's not that exciting for them. I'm sure him being drunk and cutting himself won't make it to the cover photo!  I
Just wish I could be a fly on the wall to know the truth... .