My EX GF May Be A Borderline Waif

[MusicMan2016]

Hi Everyone,

I was recently broken up with by a girlfriend that I loved very much. She is 23 and I'm 26. We dated for 5 months and everything was going so well until she broke up with me out of the blue. From the time I met her to the time she broke up with me she was a very sweet, modest, shy, insecure, cute, very intelligent, funny, and loving girlfriend. (So I thought, at the time.) One thing that I should have seen as a red flag was the fact that she only wanted to text. She never wanted to talk on the phone. I just figured this had something to do with her insecurity. She told me from the beginning of the relationship that she was a virgin and wanted to wait until marriage. I had never dated anyone like this before and really liked this about her.

I was a little skeptical early because she was very complimentary of me early on and only had positive things to say about me. After a few months, she started saying I was "perfect" and everything I did as "perfect." I've never liked the word, but I figured that was her way of showing affection. A few weeks before the breakup, she started saying "You are definitely a blessing that I don't deserve."

A little info on her: Her parents got divorced when she was 9 and she is an only child. She has Alopecia Universalis and lost all of her hair when she was 7 or 8. Because of this, she has to wear a wig. A few months into our relationship, she confessed that she has depression and she was worried that her symptoms were coming back. I thought about leaving at this point, but stuck it out because of my feelings for her and hopefulness that she could keep things together. She also mentioned on a few occasions through text messages that she had blackouts and hallucination spells where she woke up on her bathroom floor and then woke up again on her living room floor. She also had a delusional spell while we were dating.

Up until the breakup, she would say "I love you", "You're the love of my life", "You're my soulmate", etc. We even started having conversations about getting married at some point. I met her mom, who really liked me. She met my parents and they really liked her. Everything was going great. The last two dates we had were a little over a week before she went to a conference in Nashville with her fellow interns. Everything went great on those dates. She did say something a little odd. I got a new cologne and she said, "You look so good. Smell so good. And you're ALL MINE."  We also played a card game called "Never Have I Ever" and she strangely confessed that she recently had a moment where she woke up and was naked in her office. All of her clothes were on the ground. She seemed to not know how that happened and said it was a good thing no one could see inside. I thought this was weird.

I went out of town the following weekend and we just continued to text until she left for Nashville the following week. We had at least texted everyday since we met. Once she went to Nashville, she went MIA. Ignored my texts trying to find out if she had gotten there safely. She finally responded and treated me like a stranger. We didn't text much at all after that until the day she flew back. We had reservations for that Saturday night to meet my sister. She asked if I could see her the night after she returned and played it off as if she still wanted to meet my sister on Saturday. We made plans to meet at a wine bar that Friday night at 7.

I got to the wine bar. She was already there inside drinking wine and texting. She looked different... .She was wearing a coat, had a new wavy wig on, and her posture was slouched and very different than usual. I walked in, hugged her, kissed her, then sat down at our table. A glass of red wine was waiting for me at my seat. She asked me how my family was. Then started to say something. I thought she was going to ask me if I wanted to go somewhere after we finished our wine. She stopped, got a serious face, and said "I got you a glass of red wine because I know you like red wine. I also got it for you because you're going to need it." She said "Now that I know what I know and after this week. I'm not ready." She said it could be the age difference or the fact that she's only been in one meaningful relationship in her life. She came across as a completely different person. From her looks, calculated delivery, posture, speech... .everything was different and cold, emotionless. She said I'm sure you're angry and confused. I said I'm disappointed, but all I've ever wanted was for her to be happy. I got a little emotional and she reared back and had the weirdest look of confusion. I was shocked by how easily she was handling the breakup and treating it like a business transaction. The tab was already closed before I walked in so we just left after that. She had nothing to say to me and was so cool, calm, and collected. I didn't understand it. I just said "Well, good luck." She casually said, "You too."

Since the breakup we texted a few times. She came across completely different. She's usually a "grammar Nazi", but her punctuation was surprisingly off and she was very direct and cold with her responses. Her mom reached out to me within an hour of the breakup and said how bad she felt about how things turned out. For the next week she helped explain things to me and hinted that her daughter has some mental issues. She said she has a high empathy quotient and her "coldness" is a defense mechanism. She said her real daughter is still in there. She also said when she pushes her away, she's learned to give her a wide berth and she will work her way out of her head and circle back to you. Clearly, her mom knew that she had issues. Yet she still was pushing for us to get married. Maybe she didn't know how bad things were.

Recently, I noticed she put out a strange facebook post and deleted it within a few minutes. She said, "I'd quit calling your asexual relationships "platonic." It doesn't mean what you think it means." Such a strange thing to say. Like she was talking to herself! We had plans to go to a haunted house for halloween. She bought tickets for us and we both bought costumes. I noticed the day after halloween that a guy coworker of hers posted pictures of the two of them at the haunted house and pictures of them at the Texas Renneisance Festival. She was dressed in a coat, new wig, and flowers on her head. It was 80 degree weather.

Could this be signs of a BPD Waif? Thanks in advance... .

[once removed]

hi MusicMan2016 and

wow, that sounds really, really tough. i experienced a similar coldness myself, and it made everything seem so surreal, and my mind raced with questions, trying to pinpoint where things might have gone wrong. youre not alone in this, and while we are not professionals, and cant diagnose anyone, your story sadly involves common themes here; youre in the right place.

its nice that her mother has clued you in to some issues and explained some of her daughters behavior to you. how recent was the breakup? how are you holding up?

keep posting MusicMan2016. we are here 24/7.

[MusicMan2016]

The break up was exactly a month ago. I'm starting to do better and getting better sleep. The first few weeks I was waking up at 3AM and couldn't go back to sleep because my mind was racing so much. Thankfully, I'm able to get a full night sleep now. I can definitely tell that I'm still somewhat depressed and have that lost, sad look in my eyes. I do feel like I'm getting closer to acceptance, but it's definitely taken a while to process the fact that she's not who I thought she was.

It's crazy how powerful dreams can be. About a month before the breakup, I dreamed that I was with her and everything was great. She then transformed into another person who didn't love me and was cold. She kept turning into different personas that were dressed differently and had disdain for me and no feelings for me, whatsoever. I must have already been picking up on things on some level.

[once removed]

It's crazy how powerful dreams can be.

it is. i had many myself. this has no doubt been a big shock to your system (and psyche), though its good that youre getting better sleep.

its very surreal to witness a transformation of a person, and very painful when its a loved one; it does sound like it understandably affected your dreams. it was useful in my own processing to learn that BPD involves an unstable sense of self - to varying levels - a sense of who they are, values, beliefs, hobbies, identity. more than challenging to get our minds around, but helpful in terms of understanding.

im sorry to hear about the depression. it will gradually lift as you recover, but have you considered seeing a therapist?

[MusicMan2016]

I haven't considered therapy, yet. If I continue to have issues moving on completely, though, I will definitely look into seeing someone. It's definitely therapeutic to have others to help make sense of it all and help me to recognize that I'm lucky to be out of this relationship.