It's tough. Keep writing. The people here know and have felt your pain. NC is very important to your recovery. Slow it down, get a good T and like I said keep writing on this board or pour it out in a journal as well, to empty your brain but, I stress, use this board and the advice you get. You will figure out where you are at in the recovery stage.
You'll get there. I go through the stages of detachment round and round. But is gets better. A journal is a good way to just get things out of your system. In stead of reaching out to your BPDex, just write everything down. It helped me a lot. Everything I wanted to say to mine are in a journal: long long letters. And in time you'll see you're writing less and then a few days without writing.
You're not alone in this. We know what you're going through. Let the emotions come and don't push them away. We got you!
XOXO
