Got the Court Order

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I think the judge has gotten his cases mixed up. Our new order, 3 months after court, says that my ex was capable of providing sole residential responsibility while I was going through a difficult time. He has never, we had 50/50 from our break up 9/14-8/15. In September 2014 he was homeless. He didn't work from 10/13-5/16. In August 2015 he became homeless again and daughter has been with me since. He was taking her about 3 days a week for my working hours from 8/15-12/15. In January 2016 he showed up half a dozen times, no showed the rest. In February he took off and was gone for 5 weeks. Came back homeless again. Moved in with his father. Court order in May of this year said he could have 3 hours twice a week. He has never had contact in response to that order. He no showed for last Christmas. He hasn't shown up to any doctor appointments, dentist, eye dr, nothing. He refused to even discuss a preschool when I asked him to tour one.

    The judge said he has suffered some mental health problems but seems to be better. In court in August the judge asked him, for the third time, if he was on drugs. As of court in August ex claimed that he was still living with his father. I now know he hasn't lived with his dad since July becaue I have been talking with his dad.

     The court order says that we need to reduce strife between us and his father causes strife. It says that contact with ex's dad and our daughter should be limited. The order says that ex must have two 1 hour supervised visits at a parenting facility, consecutive weeks. He then can have 2 four hour unsupervised visits on consecutive Saturdays. He then can have every other weekend.
   So a 28 month old kid who has no memory of him has to spend 10 hours over a months time with him, and then go away for the weekend. The last thing the judge knew was that ex was living with his dad. So the judge says that contact must be limited with him but orders her to go to his home every other weekend?
      Then child support. Support is ordered at $357 a month(it should be $440), he is $4,200 in arrears as of now.  It will be garnished from his pay. He is ordered to pay an additional $50 a month towards the arrears. He gets every other tax year, even though he will be behind for at least the next 8 years at that rate. It takes our state on average 90 days to garnish someone's wages.He doesn't have to be up to date on support to claim her(judge's order).
    The judge refused my request for sole decision making, but gave me sole medical decisions. The judge said this was because ex shuts down when issues arise.
     The order is a Final Order. After his month of shortened visits he gets every other weekend, Father's Day, and alternating Thanksgiving and Christmas, two weeks during summer. No other vacations, no mid week dinners.
     He hasn't contacted me yet to try to let me know when he can get a supervised visit anywhere. Today we were in his work shopping and he looked right at us and turned and walked away.
     So now what do I do because I know he isn't living with his dad anymore, noone really knows where he lives, he is seeming to be bouncing back and forth again. His truck was packed to the roof at his work parking lot today. The judge also disregarded my request to consider my work schedule and he ordered the child exchanges at the police department at times when I work.

[rarsweet]

I think the judge has gotten his cases mixed up. Our new order, 3 months after court, says that my ex was capable of providing sole residential responsibility while I was going through a difficult time. He has never, we had 50/50 from our break up 9/14-8/15. In September 2014 he was homeless. He didn't work from 10/13-5/16. In August 2015 he became homeless again and daughter has been with me since. He was taking her about 3 days a week for my working hours from 8/15-12/15. In January 2016 he showed up half a dozen times, no showed the rest. In February he took off and was gone for 5 weeks. Came back homeless again. Moved in with his father. Court order in May of this year said he could have 3 hours twice a week. He has never had contact in response to that order. He no showed for last Christmas. He hasn't shown up to any doctor appointments, dentist, eye dr, nothing. He refused to even discuss a preschool when I asked him to tour one.

    The judge said he has suffered some mental health problems but seems to be better. In court in August the judge asked him, for the third time, if he was on drugs. As of court in August ex claimed that he was still living with his father. I now know he hasn't lived with his dad since July becaue I have been talking with his dad.

     The court order says that we need to reduce strife between us and his father causes strife. It says that contact with ex's dad and our daughter should be limited. The order says that ex must have two 1 hour supervised visits at a parenting facility, consecutive weeks. He then can have 2 four hour unsupervised visits on consecutive Saturdays. He then can have every other weekend.
   So a 28 month old kid who has no memory of him has to spend 10 hours over a months time with him, and then go away for the weekend. The last thing the judge knew was that ex was living with his dad. So the judge says that contact must be limited with him but orders her to go to his home every other weekend?
      Then child support. Support is ordered at $357 a month(it should be $440), he is $4,200 in arrears as of now.  It will be garnished from his pay. He is ordered to pay an additional $50 a month towards the arrears. He gets every other tax year, even though he will be behind for at least the next 8 years at that rate. It takes our state on average 90 days to garnish someone's wages.He doesn't have to be up to date on support to claim her(judge's order).
    The judge refused my request for sole decision making, but gave me sole medical decisions. The judge said this was because ex shuts down when issues arise.
     The order is a Final Order. After his month of shortened visits he gets every other weekend, Father's Day, and alternating Thanksgiving and Christmas, two weeks during summer. No other vacations, no mid week dinners.
     He hasn't contacted me yet to try to let me know when he can get a supervised visit anywhere. Today we were in his work shopping and he looked right at us and turned and walked away.
     So now what do I do because I know he isn't living with his dad anymore, noone really knows where he lives, he is seeming to be bouncing back and forth again. His truck was packed to the roof at his work parking lot today. The judge also disregarded my request to consider my work schedule and he ordered the child exchanges at the police department at times when I work.

[ForeverDad]

How is Ex getting notified of the order if you and others don't know where he lives?  Is that a 'basis' to object to the order?  Or do you let it stand for now?

Is the rest of the order contingent on successful supervised visits, are the supervisors to report to the court?  I'm trying to guess what the judge is doing, what is the purpose of supervision, is he only aiming to reintegrate a child with her parent or is he trying to test the parent with small visits that if successful lead to reintegration?

[rarsweet]

      I don't really know if ex got the order. It went to his dad's house which his last address on file. I am unsure if his dad will contact him to let him know he has mail. The order specifically says "Mr. G shall have two 1 hour supervised visits at a parenting facility for 2 consecutive weeks. After 2 successful supervised visits Mr. G shall have 4 hours of unsupervised residential time from noon-4pm on two consecutive Saturdays. After 4 weeks of 4 hours periods of time Mr. G. shall have residential time every other weekend from Friday at 5pm until Sunday at 5pm."
   Which is another thing. There are 2 sentences, 1 says "2 consecutive Saturdays", and the other sentence says "after 4 weeks of four hour periods." So which is it?

     Doesn't residential time mean he actually has to have a residence?

       Then the kicker is that I have been meeting his dad once a week with our daughter. I am unsure if what ex said about his dad at one point is true so I am trying build a relationship and see what happens. His father has been quite agreeable even meeting with my mother as well as me. We are all, my mother, ex's dad and girlfriend, and me are all going together to get her ears pierced this week. My daughter hasn't been left alone with him and I am not planning to for a long time until I feel comfortable or not, and if I can come to a conclusion about whether ex was telling the truth or just mad at his dad.So now we have a court order that says contact with ex's dad should be limited.
    But at the same time the judge ordered daughter to go to this man's house every other weekend?since he isn't aware that ex isn't living there anymore.

[rarsweet]

It doesn't state what "successful" means. It doesn't say anything about the parenting facility making a report. Daughter is going to freak out. I can't imagine sending her off for a whole weekend with someone who she doesn't remember and only sees for ten hours, and not knowing where the hell she will be, where she is going to sleep,

[ForeverDad]

Sounds like time to get another legal consultation if you don't have a lawyer already monitoring things?  Consultations are spotty but less expensive than keeping one on long term retainer.

For sure, don't be the one to tell him he has an order pending.  Maybe (hint) the court needs to get the Notice sent him returned as undeliverable, hmm?

For all you know, his dad has already done the "Return to Sender - Addressee Unknown" deed like the old Elvis song.  Hint, hint.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PU5xxh5UX4U

[david]

I would want a definite address with proof before letting him see the child. If you refuse to let the child in his care then he has to go to court. All you want is to know is where the child will be and that is reasonable.
Also, having the order returned as undeliverable puts the court in a bind since the child is not safe. What if he is homeless, living in an abandoned building, etc ?  The court will not permit a child to go there for a weekend.

[Sunfl0wer]

I know you are getting great advice here so I am hesitant to say anything but... .

Is there a reason you would not do well, if you actually do send her, to call CPS after, or police to do a wellness check to ensure she has a place to sleep and such?  I mean, given you know where he goes with her so they have an address to go to.

I really don't know, but just wondering.

[ForeverDad]

Also, having the order returned as undeliverable puts the court in a bind... .

That's precisely what I was thinking.   If the child's dad doesn't even keep his address with the court current, and others aren't informed either, what about the rest of his assertions or behaviors?  However, I've learned that court can let a lot of surprising things slide by.  It could just consider it a minor blip on the radar and just brush it off, or not.  Let us know how that develops, okay?

I was somewhat concerned that Ex's father is described as "his father causes strife".  There must have been something in the testimony that gave the judge some basis to conclude that.  Well, you probably have a couple weeks, anywhere from 10 to 20 days perhaps, if you decide to contest or clarify anything.  If you do that I would strongly encourage you to do it with legal guidance.

[david]

Also, if he doesn't have the court order then he doesn't know what the order is. I would not volunteer that information. If asked, I would simply tell him he should have a copy since it was mailed to him. Let him figure the rest out.

[flourdust]

Based on the history, it sounds like there's a good chance he won't even show up for the supervised visits. Why not just be passive about this? If he contacts you to schedule the visit, within the parameters of the court order, then proceed with the visit. If he doesn't, then do nothing and let nature take its course.

[ForeverDad]

Does your state recognize some level of grandparents rights?  If so, then the judge finding that grandpa is causing strife and "contact with ex's dad and our daughter should be limited" might impact that.  Maybe the judge doesn't know that Ex's address of record is his dad's home?

www.grandparents.com/family-and-relationships/grandparents-rights/grandparent-rights-united-states
www.family.findlaw.com/child-custody/grandparent-rights.html

[rarsweet]

The judge was well aware that ex was living with his dad, according to ex anyway. I now know that ex hadn't lived there for a month before court. I thought it odd that he had noone with him in court in August, not his dad or sister, noone. I was with his dad earlier. He had some news to tell me. He and his girlfriend are moving December 1st to a city about an hour away from here. He said he is disappointing in his son. He said ex only wants to win and if he can't win he won't do anything. His dad's girlfriend told me about a fight over the summer, after which ex left their house. She said she hid in the bedroom while ex was screaming at his dad. Apparently he keeps texting his dad's girlfriend asking how she can be with his dad, he is so horrible, etc. His dad says that ex had told his whole family that I had a restraining order against him. They had asked him how he could go to my work then. He told his family that I had gotten a court order over the summer saying that none of them could have contact with our daughter. Not true, but it explains why noone has reached out to me, until his father and I talked at my work awhile back. He said ex won't even speak to his brother or sister. His sister has contacted me now to see if she could come to our town for dinner soon. It's like he was so angry at everyone he just wanted to take our daughter away from his family too.
     So then after December 1st I will send certified mail to ex's dad's address. It will obviously come back undeliverable. If I decide to move soon how the hell do I give him the notice I am supposed to? I don't have to petition the court 1st, I have to notify ex and then he can petition the court to stop me if he chose.

[david]

That's probably something your lawyer needs to you so you get all your i's dotted and t's crossed.

[ForeverDad]

We're good peer support with well-tested perspectives and strategies, but regarding the legal aspects a proactive, experienced local lawyer generally trumps us.  Sorry, you can't avoid that occasional office visit.  The topic for review are (1) how or whether to handle the errors in the new order and (2) how to best handle a move out of the area with a parent who has an unknown residence.  I/we encourage you to do that before you take any actions or the objection time period expires.

[Thunderstruck]

Based on the history, it sounds like there's a good chance he won't even show up for the supervised visits. Why not just be passive about this? If he contacts you to schedule the visit, within the parameters of the court order, then proceed with the visit. If he doesn't, then do nothing and let nature take its course.

This is what I was thinking. There's nothing that sounds like he will be responsible enough to follow through on supervised visits. If he doesn't follow through I would insist he go back to square one. He has the pay the cost of the supervised visits, right? Is he even going to be able to do that? From what I can remember of your posts, it didn't sound like he has been able to hold down a job.

[rarsweet]

There are 2 Family Resource Centers in our town. I am on the Board of Directors for one of them and I have some involvement with the other through other things I do. They do things like supervised visits, child development education, co parenting programs, lactation support, home visits, etc. I did the child development programs and lactation support before I was on the board. The judge has ordered that he choose between the two for supervised visits. They are free. The judge said my involvement was not a conflict as I do not have access to client records. Cost is not an excuse for him. He has been at his job since May apparently. I have no hope he will stay there as soon as he realizes child support is going to be garnished. Even more than he hates being rejected he hates something being taken from him. He had literally begged me not to pursue child support last year and then I did. His father thinks he will flip out as soon as he realizes that he and I have had contact. I was talking to him outside of my work one day and his dad kept looking around. He said if ex saw us talking he would flip. The more I think about it I think he told his family there was a restraining order so that he wouldn't have to tell them he just wasn't trying. You know it isn't his fault if there is an order saying he and noone else can have contact rather than him just doing nothing.