What do you think will happen if you just detach and stop caring about her rages.
This REALLY pisses her off. She says she hates to be blown off. She also told me she cheated on her last husband because he started blowing her off all the time and didn't value her feelings. I'm thinking he just got tired.
Your NOT going to fix her or make her happy no matter what you do. Walking on eggshells doesn't help. So what if you just do what makes you happy. Imagine a world where no matter what you do pisses her off and she rages? I feel like I have stopped walking on eggshells lately and its great. Finally learned how. Probably still have some work to do though. If she feels bad all the time and you walking on eggshells and saying sorry for things your not doing makes you feel bad then are you able to stop it? Why say sorry all the time? Does it help or enable her? Id personally just set a goal in your head that you wont take fault for things that are not your fault. You wont apologize for things that your not doing wrong. You wont accept her trying to make you feel bad for things you didn't do. Even if you did make a small mistake your human and no need to rage about it. Next time she says you don't care about her feelings what if you say "I do care about your feelings but I cant change how you feel about that". She will probably rage more. She will probably accuse you more. But eventually its up to her to decide if you care or not.
If I say I am sorry and validate her feelings I can stop the rage most of the time. I'm just so tired of it. I do not want to have to validate anymore. I'm sure most of us here love the 50% of the time we are treated like royalty. It is like "I love you" I love you" ":)id you just sneeze all over me?" "I feel like you don't care about my feelings and that is why you sneezed all over me". I turned around and sneezed, I am very sorry if you feel like I sneezed all over you. "Why can't you just take responsibility? What do you think happens when you f****** sneeze all over someone!" I turned around. "The f****** wind blew it all over me. Are you calling me a f***** liar!" I'm very sorry it got on you. "No you are not or you wouldn't have done it. You don't give a s*** about me or my feelings!" And the night is over.
Yesterday the kids (hers from a prev marriage) decided to put the Christmas tree up and surprise her. She was so angry. She started yelling that she didn't want the green balls on the tree this year. The kids started rushing to get the green balls off. But she went into her bathroom and slammed the door. I talked to her through the door and she was crying. She was screaming that nobody asked her what she wanted on the tree. Nobody gives a f*** about her feelings. I tried to tell her they were doing this for her. And she just screamed for us all to leave her alone. The day was going great until then.
