Detaching from the legacy of a failed BPD relationship

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Hi,

I am new to this but am currently still struggling to cope with the legacy of a failed relationship with a man with narcissistic personality disorder. 

The relationship lasted for four years and initially was all I could have hoped for. However,  as time went on, I found myself walking on eggshells, being subjected to psychological abuse to the point I became suicidal and increasingly isolated from friends and family. When I finally broke free it was awful. I was damned, my home was trashed and I was demonised.

The intervening 16 months has been very hard and I am frightened how much psychological damage I am still suffering. I am currently off work suffering with depression and I feel frustrated that I cannot completely get rid of this legacy. I am receiving counselling which is helping, but I do still feel so lost.

Any ideas or tips here would be so helpful.

[Beccy]

Hi,

I am new to this but am currently still struggling to cope with the legacy of a failed relationship with a man with narcissistic personality disorder. 

The relationship lasted for four years and initially was all I could have hoped for. However,  as time went on, I found myself walking on eggshells, being subjected to psychological abuse to the point I became suicidal and increasingly isolated from friends and family. When I finally broke free it was awful. I was damned, my home was trashed and I was demonised.

The intervening 16 months has been very hard and I am frightened how much psychological damage I am still suffering. I am currently off work suffering with depression and I feel frustrated that I cannot completely get rid of this legacy. I am receiving counselling which is helping, but I do still feel so lost.

Any ideas or tips here would be so helpful.

[Meili]

Getting over a relationship with a disordered person is really hard, to say the least. We've been conditioned to accept the treatment that was dumped on us. When the dust settles, we find ourselves on very unfamiliar ground, confused, and frightened.

It's good that you are in counseling to deal with everything. The damage was done slowly, over time, so it won't be fixed quickly.

Re-engaging in your own life, your hobbies, your friends, etc. will help you find yourself again. Get back into doing the things that make you happy.

[Mutt]

Hi  Beccy,  



I'm sorry that you're going through a difficult time. A r/s break-up with an ex with a personality disorder is like no other break-up. It helps to grieve the loss of the r/s, it also helps to see a T ( you're doing that ) and talk to a support group concurrently. You're not alone.

I'd like to echo Meili, it helps to connect with people that love you unconditionally and self care is important. What do you like to do for self care?

[Skyglass]

Beccy-  Welcome to the family here on the detaching board. First off... .Big hugs to you. I totally feel for you, and most if not all of us here, have felt the way you are feeling right now. I was in a r/s for 3 and 1/2 years, so it's close to your length of r/s. Im glad to also hear you are seeing a therapist. I started seeing one right after my r/s with my BFwBPD was over and it has helped.
I noticed you worded the subject of your post with "the legacy."  Care to let us hear about this legacy and maybe we can help sort through some of the thoughts and feelings you're having right now?

Hugs,
Skyglass