Wife returning soon from alcohol treatment

[Steven665]

I don't know where to begin.  My wife and I have been married 25 years.  She has now been at a treatment center for 2 months for alcohol addiction.  She was in another center for one month prior to the current facility.  The current facility is not covered by Medicaid and our money has run out so she will be leaving in a few weeks. 

I did not understand BPD or even considered that it might be our main issue.  After my wife went into treatment, I continued to see our couples therapist and he recommended reading "Stop Walking on Eggshells".  It was like it had been written for me.  This explains why I am so worn out and completed lost my sense of self.

I spoke to her therapist at the treatment center and discribed our relationship.  She was hesitant to confirm a BPS diagnosis but said that their were certainly traits, as in most of her patients.

My wife would like to come home when she is discharged and would like me to leave and visit my parents, leaving our 12 year old daughter with her.  I told her that I was not comfortable leaving town and leaving our daughter alone with her.

A little backround.  Prior to her stay at the treatment center, she was out of control, drinking to blackout 25 of the previous 30 days.  She put herself in numerous dangerous situations including passing out on sidewalks and parking lots.  I finally had told her I was taking our pets and daughter and going to my parents 500 miles away until she got some help.  The day I left she got drunk.  A few days after that she called her college friend who called the police in fears she would hurt herself.  She was involuntarily held and sent to a detox center in a neighboring state.  They discharged her due to lack of insurance and sent her home.  She and her brother worked out a plan to enter another center but only could come up with enough money for two months.  She got very drunk between facilities but did manage to get to the new one. 

I am trying to be supportive and feel that it would be a difficult to co-habitate at this point.  She doesn't understand why I would not leave my daughter alone with her at this stage and wants a firm date as to when I will be ready.  I told her that it was not possible right now.  Some of this depends on her. 

Anyway, I don't know what else to say.  I haven't even gotten to the BPD issues,.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Turkish]

How is your daughter dealing with this? I agree with what you are feeling,  that I wouldn't trust your D alone with her mother. Legally,  both of you have equal rights,  so this is hard.