I have a question about triggering

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hello everyone

My problem is I spend a lot of time with my son's uncle and aunt because they are very supportive and they love my son. They both took care of my son along with me last year about this time when my son's mother was having another health crisis, cancer, lupus, who knows what else.

My question is that when I'm around them there are so many memories and they trigger me and after a while I get emotionally sick. I love these people but they are her family so they do bring her up. I don't ask them to stop because I am curious about my son's mother too.

They told me last week, the whole family wants my son with me, full custody and his mother is unstable and only want our son for the child support.

When I get triggered I lose touch with what's going on, I get fearful and want to run away from my son so I can get away from all the horrible memories.

Not sure what to do.

It's a snowball effect, I start getting weaker and don't do the things I need to stay healthy so I can care for my son. I feel depressed this morning, defeated and need a meeting but I don't get to just drop my son off when I want.

[JerryRG]

Hello everyone

My problem is I spend a lot of time with my son's uncle and aunt because they are very supportive and they love my son. They both took care of my son along with me last year about this time when my son's mother was having another health crisis, cancer, lupus, who knows what else.

My question is that when I'm around them there are so many memories and they trigger me and after a while I get emotionally sick. I love these people but they are her family so they do bring her up. I don't ask them to stop because I am curious about my son's mother too.

They told me last week, the whole family wants my son with me, full custody and his mother is unstable and only want our son for the child support.

When I get triggered I lose touch with what's going on, I get fearful and want to run away from my son so I can get away from all the horrible memories.

Not sure what to do.

It's a snowball effect, I start getting weaker and don't do the things I need to stay healthy so I can care for my son. I feel depressed this morning, defeated and need a meeting but I don't get to just drop my son off when I want.

[Mutt]

Hi JerryRG,

I'm sorry to hear that. I'd find that tough too, you need more time behind you. Someone once told me ":)on't talk to family about family" that stuck with me.

Are you curious about your ex through family? To make it easier you, i'd talk to them and just tell them that it's too soon to talk about the ex.

[JerryRG]

Thanks Mutt

I guess just being around her family brings back memories, most are not good. Since she's gone nc with our son and her whole family I do wonder what she's doing. After the last 3 encounters I dread running into her again. Her mother (son's grandma) told me last night, her daughter is mentally sick, that's an understatement. She's so unstable nothing surprises me.

So yes I would like some idea where she is and what she's doing. Her family is used to this behaviour and they just accept it.

[Mutt]

Why are you worried about her?

[JerryRG]

Thanks Mutt

I guess just being around her family brings back memories, most are not good. Since she's gone nc with our son and her whole family I do wonder what she's doing. After the last 3 encounters I dread running into her again. Her mother (son's grandma) told me last night, her daughter is mentally sick, that's an understatement. She's so unstable nothing surprises me.

So yes I would like some idea where she is and what she's doing. Her family is used to this behaviour and they just accept it.

[JerryRG]

She's completely insane, her and her bf, he was a gangster living on the streets for 6 years? Who knows what he's capable of. I found pictures of him on an older profile wearing a hood and mask and waving a gun at the camera. He's mentally ill too, those 2 together is a nightmare. She's threatened me with rape, stalking, tampering with her car, breaking into her internet. On and on. I wouldn't trust either of them

And I've witnessed her in a psychosis many many times

Her pastor and many others have told me to never be alone with her, her and her crazy bf could come up with anything to get me into trouble.

[Mutt]

Her family is used to this behaviour and they just accept it.

Does that upset you? Do you feel like they ignore the mental illness and don't try to get her help? Are you sad that you can't help her? I mean everyone is telling you to stay away from her, she pushes you away with threats, you can't really get close to her, that has to be hard to hear about who she's involved with.

[JerryRG]

It does make me sad, I guess no one can help her. No one likes her creepy bf but they can't do anything about that either. When we first started hanging out together she overdosed twice, once she woke me after taking the pills, next time she was outside and I had to chase her down and hold her until the ambulance got there.

Her sister in law showed up at the hospital on one occasion but no one else. They have written her off, given up. Reminds me of my dad, everyone walked away from him too. Codependent?

It's tough watching people kill themselves

Thanks Mutt

[Mutt]

You're seeing a parallel pattern with a family member from your past, and you saved her life couple times, I can see how this is really sad.

This was a difficult quandary, I wanted my ex to get help to treat her mental illness, I felt mental illness imprisoned her, because i saw a good person and she doesn't see what she's doing. BPD is too complex for me, I'm only a man, I can't fix it, the only thing that I could think of is to let a higher power look after her, I let go and let god.

[JerryRG]

That is all we can do, so many people have told me to let go, turn her over to God.

Thank you for reminding me