Hello

[BlueLime]

Hello all. I'm not sure if this is the right category to post. I've been involved in a volatile relationship since last fall, so just over a year. About a month ago I finally was able to kick him out of my house and break up with him. So many things were wrong about our relationship that I know this was the right thing for me to do--I was feeling unsafe on several levels, and was in a constant state of anxiety and sadness. Then, talking to my therapist, I realized that he has a lot of BPD tendencies. This explains quite a bit, and that revelation is helping me think that it's not my fault (or at least not ALL my fault, as he has said) that our relationship was rocky and then that I ended it.

I'm trying to forgive myself for being used by him for the last year, for being manipulated, for not taking care of myself. But I also really want to understand what it was about this relationship that I could have changed and what is outside of my control. Thinking about him still feels very anxious and sometimes I cry for hours. I wish I could just let it go and forgive myself and him.

I tried so hard to work on communications with him for the past several months, to set boundaries, to believe that we just had things to work out. He would blame things that were outside of his control for all of our problems, and blame me for things that were inside of my control. I ended up not communicating with dear friends because he didn't get along with them and not spending time with my family because he couldn't be trusted not to explode. This above all just didn't feel right. But even when I broke up with him it was hard to get him to leave. He just wouldn't go.

I don't want him back, I know that would not be right for me. I guess I just want to understand better, and to work on my own healing.

[once removed]

hi BlueLime and

youre in exactly the right place. im very sorry for the circumstances that have brought you here, but glad you have found us.

I realized that he has a lot of BPD tendencies. This explains quite a bit, and that revelation is helping me think that it's not my fault (or at least not ALL my fault, as he has said) that our relationship was rocky and then that I ended it.

certainly a relationship is never all any one persons fault. though it is common for those exiting these relationships to experience a great deal of guilt, and lets face it, if someone close to us is telling us that things are all our fault, it can be challenging in the aftermath to separate and sort through. treat yourself gently during this time.

a good place to start with balanced understanding and healing is the lessons (links) directly to the right. theyre chock full of resources that cover the most difficult aspects of healing from our relationships.

in the mean time, would you like to share more of your story with us? it helps to talk