I just can't keep it in tonight. Inner storm.

[Keef]

Hello.

I don't know where to turn tonight.
I'm sitting at home. The ruminating is like background white noise in my mind. Very annoying, very disturbing.

It's hit me, it's as if every one of her break-ups was planned. Most recently, the LAST time, she dee-u-em-peed me a couple of days before we were supposed to go with her nearest of family to her grandfather's funeral. Just two weeks before my birthday. Just about one month before Xmas. I've stayed strong at work, I've been seeing friends when I've had the time, I've been met with understanding, I've been posting here and reading great posts from others, but the last few days I've felt I'm losing the patience. Losing the composure. The two e-mails she's sent me, they don't explain a single thing really as to why she would leave me right now. It's all about her feelings - yes, yes, they count, and she has self-awareness (even if I've cynically enough come to think that might be a problem) - but nought about mine.

There has been an exchange of "friendly" e-mails that could go for closure in this case. But I will never ever understand why we had to go through one year of confusion, guilt, shame, blabla, only to end up >here<.
I desperately need to parachute myself out of this but I know there is no way of doing that.

Oh that ICE QUEEN.

   <---- Pandora's box

[Keef]

Where I come from 'to ruminate' is called 'Älta'. You would pronounce 'Ä' like the 'ai-' in 'airy'. '-lta', the way it's written, with the ending '-a' as in 'ah'. And that's just what it feels like, ruminating. 

[ynwa]

Hello Keef,

I hear you. I see you are coping as best you can and understand that it is feeling a bit overwhelming.  Perhaps, take a minute to thank yourself for admitting it.  I've seen you help others on this board by sharing. That's compassion and empathy.  Maybe you feel like you can't get past this, but by acknowledging it you are already starting to.

[once removed]

youre right. sadly, recovery doesnt move as quickly as im sure wed all like.

im of the opinion that ruminating gets a bad rap. to me its part of the process, its your psyche working out the trauma, its your psyche working out the full picture of the relationship, hard at work on finding a version of events it can comfortably settle on. i wrote a lot of my ruminations down, and it was useful to me. i ruminated until i had nothing left to ruminate on.

on the other hand, it can get awfully debilitating, and its not always productive by any means. there are methods that, with practice, can help to limit ruminating. for instance, allowing yourself a certain amount of time, and/or a particular time of day, to ruminate.

additionally, we have this workshop on dealing with ruminations: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=103396.0