I think my friend has BPD

[Rene]

Hi, I think my friend has BPD. He hasn't been diagnosed -  he refuses to seek help, claiming he has never been better. I've known him for for years and I want to help him but all in vain. His mood swings, outbursts of agression and anger are becoming more and more frequent. He is unable to maintain any romantic or friendly relationship. He keeps blaming people close to him for all his misfortunes and as for his girlfriends he hurts them and humiliates them crossing all the lines and then humiliates himself trying to regain them, promising, begging, crying.When they come back, the same story begins. I've known him for four years and looking back realize he has changed so much that even discussing trivial everyday issues is no longer possible- he triggers stormy arguments and the only way to avoid them is to agree with him. The worst of all is his being focused on hurting people. I could understand it as a reaction to the pain and suffering he is experiencing if he did it in the heat of the moment. But it is not so. His actions seem to be deeply premeditated. They appear out of the blue, most unexpectedly. Two month ago he phoned me and accused me of spoiling his relations with his uncle/ we are friends/by not showing him an MMS I got from his uncle a few weeks before. He got the same MMS but as usual didn't reply to it and when his uncle asked him why he said he did not receive the MMS / by the way he gets the phones and reacts to messages only when he needs someone. Generally he doesn't care about people unless he needs them. He called me arrogant and insolent so I broke the connection. On second thoughts /as I would always do which, I think, was my mistake /I tried to call and text him but he didn't want to talk to me. After two months he phoned me on Christmas Eve and we had a very short, official but friendly conversation. I am totally confused. On the one hand I can see that my life has become normal in the last two months without long phonecalls, discussing the same issues over and over again, tiptoeing not to trigger an argument and accepting unacceptable actions from his side including numerous lies, provocations, telling untrue thing abou me to other people which resulted in extremely unpleasant situations. On the other hand I know he needs help. I need your advice. Rene

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.