New to all of this

[TSberna]

Ok, it's taken me awhile to get here.  2 1/2 years ago I got involved with a women who I fell in love with.  I'm not a psychiatrist but I'd do believe she is BPD.  it has been chaiotic to say the least and now I feel like sometimes I really don't know what to expect. She does acknowledge that she has problems, and as she puts it damaged.  Therapy has not been consistent , but she promises she will go back to it.  It has been very tumultuous and we have broken up a few times.  During one of those break ups, which was not long, she brought another women into the mix, ugh.  I know that was not someone she loves but I guess just part of the whole dysfunction.
We really do love each other, and I can put up with a lot and willing to try and help as long as she does commit to therapy, but the infidelity is really not going to be acceptable.
Helpppppp

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PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[MyFathersSon]

First of all, WELCOME!

Sadly, there is no easy answer or quick fix. The first thing I would recommend is to take care of yourself in a responsible way as to not give her ammunition in future arguments (you will have future arguments). Seek a therapist for yourself, read the articles listed to the right ->. Learn all you can about BPD and living with one (rather than getting back at her by fooling around, or ignoring her with friends).

As far as therapy goes, it has to be their choice. Perhaps you could generate interest in her getting a diagnosis by encouraging her (and you) to learn about each other by taking quizes (start of small, like a quiz that tells you what your favorite animal or color says about you, then progress to things like the Meyers-Brigs test, and eventually (but only if she is ready) perhaps both of you get a thorough psychological evaluation. This strategy will only work if she is willing, and feels like it is a game. I have no evidence that this strategy will work at all. But if you educate yourself, set healthy limits, treat her with respect, and learn how to live and communicate with a BP, Even if she does not seek help, the relationship should improve.

I am currently reading "stop walking on eggshells", and I realize that I must re-invent myself to make this work. It's kind of like your spouce no longer understands English, so you must learn a new language to communicate.

Hope this helps, Good Luck,

MyFathersSon