Let myself be fooled again

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

 
Sorry I know I've been posting a lot recently.  I just let myself be fooled again.  So low and sad right now.  He called me said that he just wanted to see me.  He sounded so normal, so sober.  I told him he could come get some things.  We chatted, like we used too,  it was so nice and wonderful.

Then he started asking me over and over are you sure it’s okay.  It doesn’t feel like the right thing to do.  I told him if he didn’t feel right not to come over.    He said that he had hurt me too much and our relationship was beyond repair.  He said that’d he never get over the guilt and this was the final goodbye.    He said he realized that he had just been jumping back into relationships when he felt bad but needed to work on himself.  Said that he wanted to try to get sober and maybe we could talk in a year or two.  He said this all very calmly.  Said that I could do better and he couldn’t stand hurting me so he had to end it.   Said that he would always miss me and love me but didn’t want to hurt me.  Said that he was blocking my number and everything and wished me all the best.   I cried and he listened.  He told me he was just trying to do what was right for both of us.   He said that if he saw me it would just be harder for both of us. 

I Had a big cry and I’ll probably feel worse tomorrow but right now I’m just numb.  Numb. Numb. 

[Pipedreamer25]

 
Sorry I know I've been posting a lot recently.  I just let myself be fooled again.  So low and sad right now.  He called me said that he just wanted to see me.  He sounded so normal, so sober.  I told him he could come get some things.  We chatted, like we used too,  it was so nice and wonderful.

Then he started asking me over and over are you sure it’s okay.  It doesn’t feel like the right thing to do.  I told him if he didn’t feel right not to come over.    He said that he had hurt me too much and our relationship was beyond repair.  He said that’d he never get over the guilt and this was the final goodbye.    He said he realized that he had just been jumping back into relationships when he felt bad but needed to work on himself.  Said that he wanted to try to get sober and maybe we could talk in a year or two.  He said this all very calmly.  Said that I could do better and he couldn’t stand hurting me so he had to end it.   Said that he would always miss me and love me but didn’t want to hurt me.  Said that he was blocking my number and everything and wished me all the best.   I cried and he listened.  He told me he was just trying to do what was right for both of us.   He said that if he saw me it would just be harder for both of us. 

I Had a big cry and I’ll probably feel worse tomorrow but right now I’m just numb.  Numb. Numb. 

[heartandwhole]

A bit of a bait and switch there, Pipedreamer, I'm sorry. That would hurt me so much. He may have panicked precisely because your convo was so "nice and wonderful," and I know that is cold comfort after this. 

Let your tears out... .and be extra kind to yourself today.

heartandwhole

[mushroom]

I think he just wanted to feed himself like a vampire to know you were still there if he wanted you and to say maybe in a year or two was to ensure that you would always be there to feed him if he needed it. 

Do you think as well as feeding off you, they want you to feel like they do too and punish you?

[Hisaccount]

My ex does that. Calls or texts out of the blue and starts a conversation. I try to stay pretty guarded now but it is easy to forget what they do to us when they are being so sweet.
So if I engage it doesn't take long before she is talking down to me. Making me feel bad about myself like when we were married.

I like the Vampire scenario. It is what it feels like. She came to feed on my soul.

[Pretty Woman]

Mine did this to me too. Got me to engage and I thought we were getting back together only for her to flip a switch... .She was in the middle of securing a new attachment and wasn't sure it was going to happen so she was stringing me along. Yup. I fell for this garbage.

Don't beat yourself up. It happens to a lot of us. You now know not to respond because responding in the end, makes YOU feel bad. That is the lesson here.  

[Pipedreamer25]

Thanks for your help guys.  I’m honestly not sure what his intentions are.  After saying that he would never talk to me again.  He called me at 2am in the morning multiple times then left messages saying that he would change everything to be with me again that I was his true love.  He is literally changing his mind every few hours!  He is just so disregulated it’s hard to know what is real.   In a few hours he’ll be telling me that he can’t see me ever again.  It’s exhausting.  I’m trying to learn to step back.    I don’t if he is feeding off me like a vampire or just really bad at relationships and too confronted by them.   He says that he can’t handle guilt and he feels guilt so intensely that he can’t safely handle it.   I keep getting sucked in and I’m trying to maintain my defences.  He is just so good and bringing them down.