Hi DPN3,
Yes I can relate. My mom is the Queen/Witch type and yes she did plenty of disturbing things to us also. I also get flashbacks ( I have C-PTSD ) and I use to be scared of losing my mother, but having had time to heal, not so now. So all I can say is, I felt the way you do now when I first realised about BPD. But the good news is, with therapy , support from this website, and generally understanding it all better, things are a whole lot better. You can go low contact LC or NC with your mom for a while. These are all viable options. It is also worth noting that if you trigger or get flashbacks, this is more likely to happen if you are generally stressed. So one boundary I now have, is I control all contact with my BPD. Not on her terms, it’s on mine, because someone with a PD, has a natural inclination to attack you when they see you at a low ebb. So never present a weakness.
Please feel free to ask questions an explore you understanding via this forum, there’s a lot of experience on here. Without exploration, we tend to stay where we are. Feel free to ask questions or share experiences, BPD tend to have quiet predictable patters, so many on here are more than likely to relate.
