Greetings

[Our abuse recovery guide]

Hello!
I am currently a caretaker for my friend, who I've considered my family for years now. She is recovering from cancer and has mobility issues. She also as BPD and I am with her 24 hours a day. I feel like I've lost my best friend to this disorder, and I've lost myself a long time ago when I gave up trying to argue with her. I always put myself aside and lately I've realized how lonely I've become. I thought I would join as a way to connect with other people dealing with similar issues.

[DianeCat]

Hello!
I am currently a caretaker for my friend, who I've considered my family for years now. She is recovering from cancer and has mobility issues. She also as BPD and I am with her 24 hours a day. I feel like I've lost my best friend to this disorder, and I've lost myself a long time ago when I gave up trying to argue with her. I always put myself aside and lately I've realized how lonely I've become. I thought I would join as a way to connect with other people dealing with similar issues.

[Naughty Nibbler]

Welcome Diane:
I'm sorry about your friend. It has to be stressful to be your friends caretaker 24/7. You should find the support here helpful

I feel like I've lost my best friend to this disorder, and I've lost myself a long time ago when I gave up trying to argue with her. I always put myself aside and lately I've realized how lonely I've become.

How do you feel you lost yourself when you quit arguing?

What are the most distressing behavioral issues your friend exhibits?

[HappyChappy]

Hi DianeCat,

Welcome to the board, good to hear your friend is recovering. You sound like a great friend to her. You mentioned you are together 24 hours, is it no currently possible for you to take time out for yourself ? 24 hours of 121 with anyone can get a bit intense, but with someone with BPD, all the more.

Your point about putting aside arguments is actually not a bad approach. A BPD will feed of arguments that they must win, so often it's best not to go there. You mentioned feeling lonely, and a BPD will try to anchor us by isolating us. So we must set boundaries (such as insisting on time for ourselves, or with others). What boundaries do you have in place with your friend ? Welcome to our board by the way.